romance questions

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i have a boyfriend now and i was wondering about romace. i care about him a lot but its just not... interesting... its like we're still friends ya know? how do i spice things up a little bit? i know i want to be his girlfriend but i do want it more interesting.

Sorry Katie, I haven't a clue. I can only come up with smartass responses that aren't really very helpful.

Katie,

one thing that you must understand is that (for the most part), romance is different for a man, than it is for a woman. Let me explain it so it isn't worthy of the Mature forum.

For women; romance tends to be emotional, or thoughtful.
-flowers, for no reason
-candles, a movie, a warm blanket, and cuddling
-talking (having a give and take conversation, which implies interest in her)
-and all those other gushy things guys hate, but women find romantic, simply because the men do them, even though they hate it.

For men; romance tends to be a physical expression of emotion
-You like candles then put some out and light them. Then, put on a Teddy.
-you know what i mean. i cannot get too far into it, in this forum. Just know that its physical (for many men).

For the both of you; Perhaps a weekend getaway. it doesn't have to be an expensive cruise or anything. It just needs to be in a new environment.
While you are out of town, you could make it a point to do things that you both find romantic, but seperately.
Go to a nice restaurant, close to the hotel, so you could walk there. This gives you a chance to talk. Maybe he'll hold your hand. Have something choclatey for dessert, everybody seems to find chocolate romantic. And you can respectfully feed it to each other.
Maybe on the way home, (if he is thinking) he will continue to hold your hand, spot a flower and pick it for you. And maybe you could even stop a stranger and have them take a picture of the two of you (a memory of a romantic evening).

After you get back to the hotel, then it becomes his turn to be romanced.

All this advice is given from an adult perspective, and in no way is intended to be for couples who still live woth their parents, and are minors.

if i was to give advice to a minor about romance, then i would have to say forget about it. Men are way too immature at that age to realize, that in order to inspire their lady friend to be in the mood, then they must be romantic, and concentrate wholly and exclusively on the females emotional side, and with having thought about it, but acting like it is spontaneous.

Men grow into the understanding that, in order to receive, you must first give.

SB²

yeah i get that. i dont want anything big just how do i make things a little interesting. like how do i get him to call me just to call me? that kind of thing. just little stuff. i dont like flowers but i wouldnt mind a little time where i'm not doing all the calling, all the talking and all that. i just want him to start up a conversation. or at least have a two sided one instead of just me asking questions and him answering.
edit-well, i talked to my mom and i guess i hadnt realized just how shy he was... my mom was able to explain it to me so now i feel better

I just would like to make clearer that it indeed is like that for many men certainly not all men. So I would not assume it is the same for yours if I were you, it might be very off putting for him if it suddenly becomes to physical at a to early stage I think. I have no easy answer for you (and of course SB2 may be totally right in this case).

But did you tell him what you told us here on the forum too? It might help him to open up if he knows better what you want. Maybe not right away, it might take some time.

(do you think he has AS btw? Not sure if that info would help much, but you never know.)

good luck

well i'm calling him tonight. thanks for all the replies guys. does anyone know any two player games though?

For God's sake, SB2!! ! Don't you think you need a little more information before you coach Katie on how to bed down with a man??! !? Jeesh!!

Katie, not all men are only interested in sex with you. Of course, it is ever present in their minds, but many men do want a satisfying, emotional relationship; which, in my opinion, giving in to sexual advances, impedes. I would be cautious and slow with any relationship that may develop into something long-term. Try inviting your boyfriend out to do something fun and crazy like paint-ball or roller skating. People tend to loosen up a lot more after fun and physical activity. (Physical activity can also help that sexual energy to "simmer down" a bit) If you find that you're always in the lead, the one doing all of the talking, decision-making, etc. then try to determine if it's because he is truly shy or extremely passive. The shyness that seems so cute before the wedding, may turn into that worthless passivity that can drive you crazy!

Bland, SB2 said "for many men" not "all men". And I already emphasised that is is not true for all men (2 posts above yours). And since she askes about "two player games" it seems she is not heading for the physical right away (or was that not related Katie?)

There are too many 2 player games to mention here btw, are you thinking about online games or not? (to bring the number down a bit)

*blushes* omg, no we're only in our teens! no i meant video games. i am so sry for the confusion. i though that i made that clear. oh gosh! wow this is embarrising!

Confusion all over the place it seems

Katie I did not imply you ment sexual kind of games (at least I did not mean to, I am sorry if it can be read like that) and nor did Bland I think. I only wondered what kind of games you were thinking of since there are so many

(and I do not know any videogames btw)

well now i'm even more embarrised. my gosh... sorry when i read the first couple lines of bland's post i kinda went into panic mode. oh well, honest mistake i guess.
edit- another question, when does calling, talking, giving complements become to much for a shy guy?

Wow SB2, if that is true i am such a girl...

At first I only looked for what was wrong with the male side. But if you skip the flowers, candles and the blanket, I must be a girl too!

yes, yes, we already established that, about a month ago.

but if it makes you feel better, i think of you as a very mature lady.
not mature as in ripe, but mature as dignified.

this from Bland,

let me begin with a softball. It's sheesh!! Not, Jeesh!!

And you are incorrect. Set aside any politically correct answers. Also set aside how any man wishes he could be, but is not.
I would go out on a limb here and say that my statement could, in fact, be such a high percentage, that you could actually make a generalized statement with it.
Of course there are a few men, and i would suspect that the percentage is less than 2% than do not think of a romantic time as a prelude to the physical.
ESPECIALLY FOR MEN IN THEIR TEENS OR TWENTIES, (who do not keep themselves chaste, due to religious convictions).
The point is that a man will not say that directly to a woman, nor within earshot of a woman whom they desire. I can say it honestly, cause there is no motive here for me.
Don't worry, i know some deep dark secrets about the ladies, too.
i know what makes them tick. (most of them, who are straight, and non religious chasteness).
the secrets to eden.


Humbly, as always,
SB²





i worked the 'hoot owl' shift at work and i am extremely tired (my truth syrum), i hope i didn't say too much.

all i have to say is if he ever tries to convince you that having sex will make you relationship stronger, get the hell out of there.
All he wants o do is have sex and be done with it. Most guys will pull a real great guilt trip and make you do the first move, and then they take advantage of you.
My sister had this done to her and I beat the s**t out of the guy. he was only 17!He’s doing fine, this scum bag should die for what he did but he is still living and going to school.