Does anyone else feel like this?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm curious if anyone else does what I do, which is think that dating and girlfriends etc. is crap and pointless sometimes but at other times feel really lonely and wish they had someone?

From my years of dating (which is very few), I think its always worth it to try being with someone. Whenever I have a girl in my life, I am always generally happier. I always tend to be pretty upbeat and happy, but when I have someone in my life I just feel great and its a lot of fun doing stuff with them. I'm always looking for someone, there hasn't been a time yet where I didn't want a girl in my life.

Yes, I constantly fluctuate between the two. To be honest, I'm happier when I'm thinking it is a load of crap but if I could just find someone.......

My friend, you are very similar to a lot of guys on this particular forum, including myself. You know, I used to think this dating and girlfriends thing was a load of s**t and pointless, much as you described it.

But you know what, I was only telling myself this because I was JEALOUS of the happiness everyone else seemed to be enjoying when they were in a relationship. Although I rationalized that women were nothing more than a bunch of superficial hypocrites, I was only saying that because I wasn't getting any affection or want.

Here is what I think, 99% of autistic guys who are sexually attracted to women really do want to have a meaningful and lasting relationship with women. However, after repeated rejections, and consequently the low self esteem that follows afterwards, we look for justification in our loss. We really can't find any, so we lie to ourselves and say "dating is pointless and stupid", so we can hide our disappointment. We all REALLY want to be romantically fulfilled, we never really thing dating and love is really pointless, we just cope with disappointment by claiming it is.

^ Wow, that sounds a lot like me. I say "dating is a load of crap" in a failed attempt to keep from being overwhelmed by years of constant failure. At the same time, I long for it so much. I want to try not to worry about it so much anymore but I might as well try to stop the sun from coming up in the morning. In my case, sometimes thinking it is pointless makes the disappointment even worse because it's like I have wasted years of my life (which I basically have anyway) in pursuit of dating.

I'm the same way in that regard too. I have a friend that has recently found love and while I truly am happy for them, I am also extremely jealous. It's like "Why does everyone around me have someone yet I remain alone!? IT'S NOT FU*KING FAIR!! !!" Almost every female friend I have ever had always bragged to me about how great their boyfriends were like they were saying how much better than me they are. It's like a dagger in my heart and each time I hear it the dagger goes in further. There are not a lot of things that can hurt me emotionally but that is probably near the top of the list of things that can.

I should stop here, sorry for the rant. I know it's selfish of me to feel that way. I really am happy for my friend and others like her in my life. I'm lucky that they trust me to tell me those things. If I could get over this, I would be almost emotionally invincible.

I believe we cope however we can, even if it means lying to ourselves to make us feel better about ourselves. As for your story and your friend who has found "love" (I'm skeptical about romantic love, especially in this day and age), I perfectly understand what you're saying. I had a gal friend who was a very nice girl, and although I was not romantically attracted to her (she even hinted at the idea of wanting to date me), I politely refused her because I didn't feel romantically inclined to her. She was quiet and shy, and I was talkative and playful, not a good match.
Well anyways, she had been single for most of her life and only dated one guy who lived off somewhere (it was a long distance relationship).


However a short time after, she met a guy locally and started dating him. I was perfectly fine with that, and I was happy for her. But at the same time, it made me feel slightly angry and annoyed, although I didn't really let it get to me. Here was my friend, who is 19 now and dated the long distance at 18, and now at 19, she has a bf already. I, who has been single 22 years now and counting, have never dated a girl. I told a friend of mine "The irony is too comical for me, I have been single longer than this girl has been alive, and yet she has a date already when I've been single 3 years longer than she has. What irony! "

It is perfectly understandable to be angry and jealous, because you feel like no one cares for you romantically, and it is a crushing blow to one's pride and it doesn't help their self esteem any.

Sort of. I don't think it's pointless and crap, and I do get lonely sometimes. It more of a struggle between "Is it for me, or isn't it?". Somedays I think I'm ready, somedays I think I'll never be ready, and somedays I think I'll be ready soon, or eventually. So yes, I am undecided.

Hmm, interesting story.

My pride and self esteem is all but broken because of that. Not sure what is keeping me together anymore honestly. I also kind of feel like they are saying how much better their boyfriends are than me but I know that isn't really the case seeing as how I never dated any of them in the first place. But it still hurts like hell emotionally.

To be honest, I just came to this realization. This is the source of most of my depression! I've had so much of this stuff happen to me and I always supported my friends while crying on the inside. I was always happy and cheerful around them but it wasn't until I was alone that the anger, sadness, and jealousy took over. It made my friends happy that I supported them so how could I say how it makes me feel to them? In a way, my best way to support them is not letting them know how much it hurts me.

I might have realized that this is a primary source of my depression but I don't know how to remedy it. The damage may be too great anyway.

I think having sex is pointless. It's nothing big and you can live without it. You don't need it to be happy. I don't see the point in hugging and kissing just to make the relationship better. To me a better relationship is accepting each other and getting along. They can spend some time together, go out, sleep in the same bed. My relationships are more like friendships because too much touch is overwhelming. I feel invaded when my bf hugs me or cuddles with me because he is too close because his body is touching my body. I only like it when I am cold and I am doing it just to keep warm. I also love to be rubbed when I'm in the mood.


i don't think any normal man would have survived me.

Wow, this really got me down for a while. I couldn't sleep last night and earlier today, though not suicidal, I would have welcomed death if it come my way.

Now though, I'm okay. I never realized such thing could make me that depressed all at once. I might just be more numb than anything because I have no idea how to cope with this and not let it bother me. I know now my female friends bragging about their boyfriends to me hurts me but at the same time, it makes them happy knowing that I support them so I can't say that it hurts me and ruin their happiness. And not just them either, I have found that I am greatly jealous of pretty much anyone that is in a relationship and happy knowing that no one has ever thought of me like that.

But that is all I'm going to say for now, don't want to start another depressive episode so soon.

i'd say i go the vast majority of my time fine with being allone. i think of other things, what im gonna eat today, money, smokes, weed, computer games, writing my stories, forums, msn, washing the floor at my dads 3 times a week, i got stuff on my mind

when i think about a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is: hastle, and i quickly drop the thought.

but theres a little moment, every now and then, where i DO stop and think...
it _would_ kinda suck, to DIE lonely and old, without ever having been with someone, love and "all that crap"

i had a "thing", online, long distance, that even lasted for a little while. i had to end it, for various reasons, but sometimes i do catch myself regretting, thinking maybe she was indeed the only girl im gonna know, who wanted me as i am.
but then i remind myself that she didnt either, not really...

my motto as of late has been: ill date the chick who climbs in my window, and asks me out, out of the complete blue :]

player let me tell you something. i have 3 sisters, and one of them really screwd a dude over in child support. not all women are like this but if you do get a girlfriend always know that she has complete power in bed, and if you get her pregnant your wallet for 18 years. this is why i think im so messed up right now and dont have one. im afraid as f**k into turning into a deadbeat dad, just like my father was. hopefully something changes soon but until then jackingoff will completely satisfy me. i dont need no baby momma drama

Yes, and I'm currently in the "dating is pointless" phase. These days, it seems to be more like a series of idiotic social rituals than a period of emotional bonding... all this BS about how many days to wait before you call, not coming off as [insert stupid unattractive word], who pays, etc.

Yes that pretty much sums me up.

It almost sums me up too. I hate some aspects of it like when your family wants to know hows the relationship is going etc, but now that I'm single I hate it. I just need someone.

yeah, i can't even find anyone I'd be interested in, let alone anyone who's actually interested in ME. All the women i know who share even some of my interests are taken, so its just the stupid mainstream NT girls that are left.
Bleah.