Ideas on reducing social/sensory overload at my wedding?!?!

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone

I am actually getting married in 5 months and I was wondering if anyone could help me with some ideas on how to reduce social and sensory overload at my wedding?

Apart from the obvious answer of just "not having a wedding" as this isn't an option for me.

There will be around 70 guests, family and friends, who I like, but the hours of socialising, the uncomfortableness of the dress, shoes, hairdo and jewellery, the stress of trying to coordinate everything, the trying to keep track of everything and everyone, the constant worrying that I am doing the right thing, saying the right things, and being in the right places, needing to remember everything, thank the right people, all the conversations, as well as really make sure I am there emotionally for such an important day, are all going to be so tough!!

And now, I went to the reception venue again today and this time there were heaps of other people there too (at a winery). I couldn't believe how much the place filled up with such NOISE from them talking, and that was only around 20 people, let alone 70!! !

The reception venue DOES offer a "retreat room" for the wedding party which is a HUGE relief for me, but I am still worried about the rest. I got so irritated by the volume of the noise from the chatter and not sure if I will cope on the night, especially after a build up from the ceremony/photos, etc beforehand. I don't know if there are ways to soundproof the room a little? I certainly can't tell everyone to "PLEASE BE QUIET" here and there lol

Any advice?

Will you be having rehearsals before the actual day?

There will be a rehearsal for the ceremony (tho it'll be a different Church, as the wedding Church is in the country and we can't ask everyone to travel 2 hours there just for a rehearsal), but that is all. Why do you ask?

Low lighting would help with visual sensory overload, and people instinctively lower their voices in a darker environment. You can use flickering LED candles to add to the ambience and if used along either aside of the aisle, will help the elderly and visually impaired see enough to walk. Ushers can use flashlights to illuminate the ground more also.

If the wedding is in the daytime, the windows can be covered with colored paper or something decorative that will diffuse the light coming in.

They also make attenuated ear plugs for stage musicians which still allow one to hear clearly, but reduce the intensity of the volume. They also come in "clear" so as not to be readily noticeable. You could wear those and use your hair style to help conceal them.

I would get a lot of sleep the night before and avoid caffeine, nicotine, sugar, or anything that would act as a stimulant and increase hypersensitivity.

It may also help to limit your exposure and socializing until the wedding and reception are over. Once those are done, you can socialize until you are ready to gracefully disappear. And there's nothing wrong with a short ceremony and reception. I've been to some that we're painfully drawn out. Everyone wants to go eat cake anyways, right?

Even though I have never been married I understand how you must feel.

From what you said " the uncomfortableness of the dress, shoes, hairdo and jewellery" I get the impression that you think that all women should conform to the stereotypical appearance of a bride. That totally does not make any sense for people like us who have sensory issues when it comes to clothing, etc. Your guests want to see you. They're not attenting the wedding expecting or wanting to see you look like someone other than yourself. That would be equivalent of going to the wedding of a complete stranger.

No, you do not wear anything that you find to be uncomfortable. That is very important. That day is supposedly 'the happiest day of your life' so why would you wear anything that prevent you from enjoying yourself at your own wedding. Even if that means wearing sneakers with the dress.

So far in my 63 years of breathing the only aspects of life that I have been able to understand are the importance of appearance, food, and saving money. Getting along well with others of our species is still extremely difficult.

I wonder about ear plugs for when the room gets to be too noisy. Here's part of an article "Hearing clinics can provide therapy with a specially programmed hearing aid to manage sensitivity to sound. They may also provide a soft noise generator to be worn while awake for up to 18 months. Long-term exposure to gentle sound at a barely audible level can desensitize hearing. This ‘white noise’ contains every frequency audible to humans, and can be likened to the sound of distant surf or wind. from http://www.autism-help.org/story-adult- ... tivity.htm.

Guests want to see a bride and groom having fun at their own wedding and being themselves.

I haven't attended loads of weddings so I don't have much advice, but I would say that I think it's fairly normal for brides to have a second dress to change into later on in the evening that's more just a nice cocktail dress than a big heavy wedding dress. Go out and pick up something pretty and white, but not too crazy uncomfortable or expensive or anything, and maybe even a pair of flat shoes. That way, you don't have to worry about getting anything spilled on your wedding dress either. And anyone who expects you to be in physical discomfort/pain all night because of your outfit is just being ridiculous. Just remember it's your night and you should get to remember all the good parts, not how much your shoes hurt! Again though, I think a bonus dress is pretty common, so it shouldn't even be something you feel like you're being unusual doing. Everyone knows how heavy wedding dresses are!

I'd suggest you bear in mind that it's your day, and that basically everybody's there to cheer you on and be happy for you.

I wish they wouldn't make things so complicated, it looks like your wedding will be quite a biggie. I think the rehearsal will help a lot, being able to actually try out the rituals so there's no sudden nasty surprises on the day. Crowds can really upset me but the bride and groom don't really get crowded, they have the special table slightly apart from the crowd.

I'd definitely not try to cave in to too many imagined expectations. I always dress smart for weddings (which I hardly ever do normally) but I won't wear anything impractical that gives me sensory issues because when I get those, I'm not fit to socialise with.

I'd need a complete list of everything I have to do in chronological order, and pore through it in advance, checking I was on track, anticipating problems and pre-empting them. E.g. if there's to be loud music, that's going to give me trouble.

As I understand things, it's usually a very set procedure, so there aren't likely to be many sudden changes, though it's worth remembering that most planned activities end up running late.

I chickened out of doing the rounds (engaging each guest with a few social words) - I'd have loved to but was scared off because I'd forgotten most of their names and often didn't even know which side of the family they were from. It's a bad time to be unaware of family trees. I guess I could avoid the subject and just say stuff like "glad you could make it, how was the journey, that's a nice suit" but mostly they'll probably just want to give you their blessings and share a feelgood moment.

Just try not to let it faze you. You've got Hubbie there and it's his job to look after you, he's got his best man to do the same for him, and there are ushers etc. to do the worrying. Pretend you're benign royalty.

agree about the dress. if you have not purchased it already, drop your magazine image of what wedding clothing should look like and buy something comfy....including the shoes. or go barefoot (i would, and i'm NT). if you have already purchased everything you are concerned will be uncomfy, can you return the bridal costume? do you have to get married and have your reception indoors? could it be outdoors, perhaps in a park, and therefore less noisy?

If you share these feelings with your fíance then maybe he'll try to remember everything that has to be done and just kind of guide you during this that way you don't have to worry about it so much. As for your other points, I agree with everyone else about low lighting, no stimulants, take breaks from it all (no one will question it if you and your new husband just disappear from time to time) and definitely change dresses and lose some of the jewelery if it'a all too much sensory overload. Remember that it's YOUR day not your guests. Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

Wow, some great ideas there! Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate it

Is great to be able to talk about this stuff with people who actually understand rather than family who just say "oh you'll be fine, you won't even notice on the day" ;(

Ok, so I will definitely limit social interaction in the lead up to the wedding day. I will create a darker room for the reception. Not sure how to do that at the Church unless I just ensure they don't add any EXTRA lighting. Reception venue will hopefully work ok because I love special-effect lighting like fairy lights, etc, in a darkened room so that will work once the sun goes down. Good point that people tend to talk softer in a darker atmosphere too!

I have already ordered my dress. I am quite visual/artistic/creative so I struggle between loving the LOOK of the dress and then "forget" that this look will actually be majorly annoying on the day I want this look for the ceremony and photos though, so I will push through, and I LOVE the idea of a second dress for the reception that is comfy, more comfy shoes, and removal of jewellery. It is always SUCH a relief to get in comfy clothes (I wear my pyjamas whenever I am at home, it is the first thing I do when I walk through the door lol)

And yes, definitely an order of events planned out to times for the event! This helps me greatly. Good idea. I did this for my Son's birthday party this year and it was sooo much less stressful!

I will look into the earplugs too, that could really be extremely helpful!!

Thanks again guys

You are very welcome. Please let us know how it goes; I've never participated in wedding design before.