What are your thoughts/experiences with online matchmaking

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By match making services, I'm talking about sites like E-Harmony, Match.com, Friendfinder, Yahoo! Personal, OkCupid, PlentyofFish, BookofMatches, etc and so forth.

The reason I ask this question is because I have used some of these services with little to no success, and I was wondering what other people's experiences were with these sites.

As for myself, I have done about three or four dating sites before, a couple were paid services, the rest were free. I currently have gone through 3 and I'm on the fourth one now. I never really intended on using matchmaking services originally, but considering that I don't hang out with people much, and I'm somewhat awkward in social situations, I decided to give it a go. After all, I'm much better articulated online than I am in everyday speech, and I was fairly certain this would make me more likable.

Well anyways, I gave these sites a try, and I sent out many emails to different girls, just trying to be friendly and wanting to see if they'd like to chat. Every email I ever sent out was read and ignored, or it was read and deleted, even though I was being polite and friendly. Even now, I'm doing a dating site, and I'm being friendly and nice in my emails, which are proving futile.

I also noticed that on the dating sites I've been on, girls whom I find physically unattractive seem to magnetized to me. I honestly find them very unattractive, and thus I'm not romantically interested in them, but I do talk with them and try to be pleasant when they contact me.

You know, I understand that girls get hit on at these sites by about every guy there. I can understand them being suspicious, but come on, when a guy is being nice and trying to chat with you while being a perfect gentleman and NOT saying "Hey, what's shaking, hot mama?" or "What's up sexy?", what's wrong with a little pleasant conversation?

My conclusion is this, 99% of women on these dating sites have a stiff upper lip the size of China, and even when you try to be nice and pleasant, 9 times of out of 10, they will still ignore you. It's not like I'm asking them to date me, I'm just trying to make pleasant conversation. Girls talk about wanting a nice guy, but when one comes up and tries to be pleasant and friendly, they're automatically ignored. Ladies, guys aren't the only ones who can be jerks, women are perfectly capable of doing that as well, even if it is as subtle as shunning/ignoring, or playing mind games. Omission is just as bad as commission.

That's my two cents, I thought I'd throw it in. I'd like to hear what the rest of you think of these online matchmaking services, hopefully your experience was better than mine has been.

A-freekin'-greed! Lol.

1) Yeah, I noticed that mostly unattractive girls messaged me too. A lot of them. I don't know if you want to go as far as to say you can't be romantically interested in you, I think you should admit to yourself a little shallow action there, but I know what you mean when it comes to not responding to them heh. and yes, that's because I'm a shallow bastard that doesn't want to talk to fatties. I'm sorry. I just can't do it.

2) And yes, most of the girls, like seriously 90% of the girls I messaged first didn't even bother to respond. Of the other 10%, I'd say 70% stopped talking to me after a bit (sure, I'm cool with that), and the rest actually went on a date with me.

I'd say, as a guy, your best bet is probably to sit back and have girls message you. Frankly, girls don't want to be messaged. In fact, I don't think girls actually want to meet anyone online... but I digress...

Yeah... I got really confused and I'm a bit distracted, so I'll go away now, but after one last comment: Don't buy a service (or at least try it once and never again ). The free ones kick ass: okcupid.com & pof.com rock <33

This what usually happens:

1- You send a 'hi' message

2- She looks at your photo on your profile and:
i- if she rates you as 'not hot:
Then She decides to ignore you.

ii-if she rates you as 'hot'
Then She'll reply to you.

Her reaction all depends on the second step....

Well of course that's what happens. And that's exactly what I was doing when I was deciding not to reply to fatties.

My problem with the online dating thing is that many people are afraid of creepers, which is normal and I understand. But the other problem I think is the speed of it. Because of how fast it is, when somebody gets a message from someone that "just isn't hot enough" they decide to ignore it because they think (and are probably right) that a better opportunity is just five minutes away.

So basically. Online dating can be fun, try not to get raped, and try to go slow

This does NOT work as an icebreaker joke when you decide you are having a good time on your first date or in person whatever:

So I guess it's pretty good neither of us are rapists!

Yeah. I tried it out twice. And I got the most horrible blank stares each time. Frankly, I still think it's hilarious. Oh and I still managed a second date on one of those girls though

I hear see a lot of people (not just AS) have issues finding a root on these sites.


I never had those issues. Maybe you just have a [] profile? - Gotta be tough and rough and independent and funny.

[removed - M.]

First get a good picture. Then have a friend check it that won't lie to you.

Then write something funny. Women dig laugh, more then money.

You need to lower your standards. Abit telling that the girls you find unattractive are the ones who seem to message you perhaps?

Such sites are crap. Not everyone there is seriously looking for a relationship, or even just one date.

I stay clear of them like i stay clear of landmines.

The longest relationship (7 months) I had was in college through a friend. The rest of my life I've met people on dating sites.
On one of them I quite because I kept getting spammed by "girls" from porn sites. I find that the best luck I've had is with a site that will let you post a profile for free, but be a paid member to post replies or to do more detailed searches. On the flip side, I tend to search only for women who have paid memberships. It cuts down on the ones who are using it for free advertising.
I did get turned off to it for awhile because my profile seemed to attract women who were heavy, had low self esteem, and wanted a daddy. I honestly don't think they actually read my profile they just noticed that I was male and lived near them.
But, then again I haven't dated in two years and lost all interest in it at the moment. YMMV

I've gone on dates from them; I've kept in touch with friends and ran into prior girlfriends on them... talk about awkward when you are suggested to each other as a good match. There is a lot of spam out there, and a lot of people with their own agendas... I made some great penpals, talked at length with people I would still like to meet in person (which is pretty rare) - but most of the people I connected with were far away from me. Just reminded me that there were still people out there, though. Don't pin all your hopes to it, but enjoy taking the chance.


M.

1. The Misunderstanding/The Lure: this was back in 99 or something, the whole meet-over-the-internet thing was a bit new and frensh, and after chatting for about a year w a girl from oslo, she came to see me, and quickly established that we're nothing but friends. later she invited me to move in w her, which i thought of as a sign (what a MORON i am, right? "hey, come move in with me" <---OBVIOUSLY a totally platonic suggestion.) which it was not. moved out after 2 weeks.

2. Ze German: chatted also for about a year, the chats were a lot more open, and to the point (wink-wink) and she came to visit for a week, and we had a blast. tore my room down (über-wink). then, the poor girl, who was a year or two older than me, talked about her next visit, and the possibilities of moving here. i panicked, and dumped her by going silent. i cant even describe how i hate my treatment of her. i still dont think we counda been anything serious, but i was REALLY unfair to her, and it kills me to know how broken up she was... later we talked, and i got the chance to apologize, and be forgiven for it. since then i havent seen her online much, but last i heard she had a math teaching job, and a dude, so it worked out allright for her.

3. The Brit: see my pathetic self-pitying complaining-threads :] it started out fine, but quickly turned to a totally confusing chaotic mess. After hoping and hoping and hoping for change, ive given up, and its over.

if i hadnt acted like an a**hole towards #2, it MAY have worked, even if i doubt it. thats 0,5/3, or 1/6. not bad.

I've never used Plentyoffish's service (though I did register with them, to get a quick glimpse of what it was like), but their message board is the most depressing place I've ever seen on the internet.

Online dating I feel is the worst way to go, especially for socially impaired individuals. Sure, you won't have to talk to them face to face but if you go for someone online, they can lie very easily and you really won't know what you will be getting. It's just too risky. It's better to know the individual in person because at least you'd know what you would be getting. I would avoid dating sites at all costs.

I also noticed that on the dating sites I've been on, girls whom I find physically unattractive seem to magnetized to me. I honestly find them very unattractive, and thus I'm not romantically interested in them, but I do talk with them and try to be pleasant when they contact me.

These women not messaging you back because you are 'nice' is no different than what you said above. I am sure the women who messaged you were 'nice' and most of them even sweet in their communications. But you still were not interested. So knowing this why would you expect the women you message who may not find you attractive would behave any differently?

Would it really make much difference at the end of the day if the women who didn't find you attractive still responded nicely? I think if i were in this situation I'd prefer the guys who just didn't respond vs the ones responding nicely and thinking all the while 'i have ZERO attraction to this girl but let me be polite". I'm upfront and would prefer no response or a response that stated "i'm not interested" because my time is precious and i don't want it wasted.

To be honest what you are describing is no different in real life interactions than with online sites. Some people will still be friendly to somoene who hits on him or her even with no interest and some give the cold shoulder. People all behave differently. I'd prefer the cold shoulder than sweet conversation that might make me believe incorrectly that there is interest.

People who are successful in online dating usually all view it the same way - it is only an add'l resource to other dating methods such as real life face to face social interactions and blind dates, etc. People who put their eggs all in that one proverbial basket get let down the most. Realism is the biggest card in one's favor when they do the online sites. And sadly keeping those expectations down is more realistic and avoids major disappointments. That way when you DO find that one person who messages you or that you message where there is mutual attraction it is a great surprise. And it does happen. It just usually is not instantaneous and can take a long time.

So realism AND patience are required. A mix of paid and free sites, and being active on several at once is also a good strategy. Joining face to face clubs like meetup.com where there are a lot of local activities with local singles is another good avenue in addition to the online dating sites. If someone really wants to find a date putting oneself in the most possible scenarios where a meet up might occur is naturally going to give one more bang for his buck.

if a person is the type to lie they will also do it face to face without ever having spoken to them on the internet and some people are rather good at it. The number one lie online for women is usually their appearance as they tend to give old pics or pics that don't really portray them accurately. This lie is easily uncovered by that first meet that is why you try to keep the online interaction with a new prospect short - don't waste your time chatting and emailing online for weeks. If after a few days there is mutual interest set that first meet up quickly and do it in a place like a coffee shop where you don't have to stay long if you find the chemistry face to face is just not there or you are bored to tears. Some guys take the girl on that first meet to a nice dinner. I wouldn't advocate that, and i hate to sound like a cheapskate but most people don't want to waste money or be locked into the entire evening with a person if they meet up and in that first half hour know that it is not going anywhere.

I lucked out on freethinkermatch.com .
She did the opposite of most women. She put what she felt was an unflattering pic on there to cut down on the number of dudes replying only to her looks.
We met up and she was better looking in person than the pic.
We hit it off pretty well. She took my virginity. And we're still hanging out 7 months later.
This was on an atheist dating site with only about 15,000 members worldwide, so the number of people in geographical range was quite small, but the shared philosophy of the members increased the likelihood of compatibility somewhat.
I still think I got lucky against heavy odds. She was one of the first few people I ever tried to contact, on that and one other more generic site.
This was after no luck whatsoever for 38 years offline.