My NT boyfriend has me sooo confused

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Hello Everyone, been a while since I've posted, so thought I'd say "hi" before getting to the point.

Ok so, since I was here last I've somehow managed to acquire (not sure how to spell that) a boyfriend & as a general rule he is awesome. He doesn't mind if I dont call him & just send texts every few days, and he seems to like it when I call him every day. He drives 80 miles to come see me. He takes me out to (relatively) expensive places & he always asks me about my mom & how my friends are doing, even tho I'm pretty sure he doesnt actually like my friends (who are mostly guys), he's gone out for pizza and to see a movie with my group of friends (most from my autism group & 1 NT muslim girl I met at work ) & was nice to everyone. But my muslim friend told me afterward that she thought he found my guy friends kinda annoying and it seemed like he'd rather be alone with me. He didnt tell me that & I didnt notice, so I'm not sure if she's right.
My problem right now is... I dont know if he likes me or if I'm a convenient ego boost. I mean, I tell him all the time how much I like him and how cute he is, etc. And he is super nice back to me. But when I invited him to come to my autism group he didnt come & he only read a short introduction about asperger's on wikipedia, and autism is a big deal to me. Also, I have been really sick these past few weeks, like going to the hospital every other day, etc. and my room mate and my friends have been awesome, giving me rides, accompanying me, etc. but on monday when my BF came over to "see how you're doing" before school I got really upset and couldnt articulate why, just kept repeating "my friends like me more than you do" all sad like, and gave him a hug and he left. Then my room mate came in all angry on my behalf becuz my BF didn't offer me a ride to the hospital, but I didn't ask either, but my roomy said I shouldnt have to ask (he is NT also, so I take his advice about some things) & I realized that was why I got upset. So then I was all sad thinking my BF doesnt really care about me & I did call & tell him all those thoughts and he apologized and said he just spaced and that I was right to be mad. But I am still having to go to the Dr. and my friends are always, "you want me to come with you? I can give you a ride." etc. but I still had to ask BF to come with me to Dr.'s (he said yes). And he cut class to spend the whole afternoon with me, and is going to take me to the movies the day of my Dr's appointment, but I still cant tell if he likes me! He never just says "you look pretty, or nice, etc" or that he likes me or just likes spending time with me, or anything like that! AND! He likes to, like, do sexual things to me and touch me, etc. but he totally wont let me even touch his penis or do anything to/for him. He says he has trust issues but I havent done anything for him to distrust me, I am very up front with him. He says he doesnt "DIS trust" me, just that it takes a long time for him to trust but I think that means the same thing? And he apologized for "driving me nuts" but he laughs too even as he apologize. Anyway my roomy says, sometimes guys like to get girls off & not let girls touch them as a kind of control thing, it like, makes them feel powerful or something? I think thats kinda creepy.
And he looks at me funny, like when I am cooking something or talking to myself, his eyes go kind of unfocused and like he smiles just a tiny bit, but more on the right side, but it doesnt look like a "smirk" or "sneer" so I'm not sure what it means and when I ask he laughs and says "nothing." And also I have to analize what he says a lot, like he asked me if I hated long hair on guys and I said I didnt know & he said his would be long at the end of summer, which I kind of took as a round about way of saying he hoped I'd still be around at that time? And the other day I said we should have an adventure, like go hiking. And he said there are no good spots near where I live but I live in a mountain range, you can go hiking anywhere, but he said we should go to the town he lives in and have a picnic, which it is unnecesary to go so far, so I think it's a way to invte me to his house without saying the words? I am so confused.

also all my friends, NT AND auti have said he seems super quiet and shy, tho he is not shy at all with me I dont think.

So you guys tell me, do you think he likes me? Is playing around with me? Or what? I am sooo confused it's not even funny, and I find everything funny

Just curious -- why are you going to the hospital every other day?

Is it possible that he is also a Spectrumite?

I got a bug bite which I had an allergic reaction to so it made an abcess, which somehow got infected with Staph (probably at work) and the abcess was about 4" deep and took up all my belly from like the bottom of my rib cage to my pubes and hip to hip big by the time I went to the ER, so they cut a big hole in me and squeezed me like a giant gross pimple and stuck a lot of "packing" (like a string) inside me so the hole wont close & can drain the infection, but anyway the antibiotics weren't working at first and they were afraid I would get blood poisoning etc. But now the antibiotics are working and the swelling and everything has gone way down (I looked 3months pregnant for a while, from the swelling) but I still have to go to Wound Care every other day so they can put water in me and pull the string out & put a new one in and measure how deep the wound is (1/2" right now) and bandage me up again, until the hole inside left by the abcess closes up completely and then theyll let the hole in my stomache close up. So it will be another 2 weeks or so and it started 3 weeks ago.

I dont think so, tho he is shy like some, but he doesnt have any sensory issues or etc.
But his self-contain-edness was what I liked about him and I guess that is a spectrum type trait; not caring what other people think or trying to be cool, etc.

You told him your friends like you more than he does? If I was him I'd be very pertrubed by that, especially as someone who drives 80 miles to see you.
I'm guessing he would rather be alone with you than with you and your guy friends. Doesn't seem surprising to say the least.
Nts don't say things directly you know.
And if he doesn't invest too much interest in autism, it just means he doesn't think about you being autistic too much. The wikipedia article is very negative. He probably doesn't like to think of you being under that label.

I did feel like the driving 80 miles was a big deal/proof of affection. Would someone drive 80 miles for an ego boost? I dont know but I feel odd around him.

there are other discriptions online, he just picked the first one. That wikipedia article is super long, but even my room mate has read the whole thing.

Also, why is that the wrong thing to say? Why is it perturbing? Usually he just visits me on his way to or back from school, so he is in town anyway, it's only sometimes, like on weekends that he goes out of his way to drive so far...

are you still here? before I bother with writing my thoughts.

He sounds kind of like me in some ways.

I'm not sure why he should be driving you to the hospital if he lives 80 miles away. And you do seem to have a lot of friends who take care of you on that, so I could easily space that sort of thing.

He seems to like you, as far as I can tell.

To me he seems very predictable, when he seems annoyed or avoiding he don't feel secure.
I think you're overthinking a little.

Has he ever gone hiking before? You know that it's possible that he's never really been out in the forest like that. (Or from what I know about Americans, at all.) So he'd prefer a city enviroment.


I think he was preparing you for the change in hair.


That sound very much like a love look, he's looking at you doing something he loves when you do. I'm very certain it's a sign of affection.


She's most likely right, guys rarely enjoys hanging out with a girlfriends guyfriends. And if they have problems picking up his signals that he wants to be left alone and he has his security issues, that ain't helping a lot.


This I can say with a 99,9% accuratcy, it's NOT the same thing. I too have trust issues and use the same expression.
It means that he don't feel fully secure around you (but still atleast avarage, probably alot more). If he didn't trust you he wouldn't be around you at all, so have no worrys about that.


Well, to a spectator, frustration is a very funny feeling, sometimes you just can't help laughing.


In his case it's the trust issue. If he puts himself in your hands (litteraly in this case ) he'd feel very vulnerable. This goes for any situation really. Start with holing hands (or how far you've come) etc, and keep doing that untill he can do it without feeling insecure, then move on to the next "harmless" thing that couses him discomfort. You'll have him in your hands anyway you'd like in no time.


Sure he does, every time he looks at you in that funny way.


My first thought to him going to tha autism-group was "why would he do that?", if you really want him to go let him meet some of your autie friends and get to know them a little and use them as a kind of blowsoftner. I don't really blame him for not wanting to go to a group of unknown people.

If you give him a Autism-test you might have to upgrade him from NT to Aspie.
Hope I could help atleast a little.

sorry had to log off, but please tell me your opinions anyway.

I agree with the hospital thing, I dont expect him to drive up just for that, but it's like 5 minutes from my house & on the way to his university. I would space on it to, but we are AS he's not, my room mate says he should think of these things. I dont know.

I always overthink, I cant help it. I have to analize everything people say cuz I suck at reading thier body language, so I try to remember how they move & act & ask someone about it later.


NO he goes hiking a lot & he's lives in a little town in the country, everyone hikes here, also it's a desert lol. what I meant was, he invited me to the area around his town of Socorro, to the mountains there, which he says are better than the ones around albuquerque where I live, but there are many nice places to hike here, so I found it odd/unnecesary that he would want to take me so far unless he also thought to take me by his house?


yes but also presuming I'd be around to see it? I think?


woah


urg, then I am making him feel very insecure by always having someone to hang out with when he isnt around? I kinda wondered if he would be upset cuz a guy friend gave me an awesome radio & a new 20" TV but I'm used to people speaking up if they are bothered and he never says anything so I assume he's not?


But it hurts! Cuz I trust a lot & I've had lots of bad things happen to me but I'd still rather be trusting & loving and showing my affection, and it scares me that maybe I will put all my trust in and he wont put any and will dump me for being annoying and then I will be really sad & that thought is making me really anxious all the time I'm not with him right now!


we do hold hands even tho it bothers me, he even has a special way to hold my hands so my fingers dont get all squashed. And he used to not let me touch his belly cuz it was soft & smooshy & now he's on a diet & working out & now he lets me touch it. What I meant (was trying to not be tacky) is that he wont let me touch his penis, or even his thigh near it, he grabs my hand & puts it on his chest & smiles about it, all "sorry" but he doesnt always do that, sometimes, like when he sleeps over he'll let me touch him for a little bit. So I dont get why sometimes yes and sometimes no & he wont/cant explain why so I end up all confused and upset.


erg I feel funny now


I wanted him to understand what I go thru a little more. I am very not-obvious & kind of feel like I have to hide that I'm freaking out, etc in front of him, like the other day he took me to a restaurant & I was so upset I couldnt even order for myself cuz it was so busy (patterns) and my eyes were all confused & I didnt even dare to go to the bathroom cuz I was scared I'd get lost or trip or something, & I couldnt explain that to him & I didnt want to be an ungrateful bitch-type by demanding he tell me where we are going and for how long & letting me "case out the joint" before I go in, cuz I have done that before & it pisses people off and they get tired of me & I dont want him to get tired of me.

I'm going to try that, it's a good idea.
Thank you very much, you've given me a new perspective on some things.

Maybe. It might also be that he's hiked there before and has a favorite spot or two.


If you told him what you just wrote here, he'd probably be understanding about it. Even if he didn't want to let you "case the joint", he could ask what to look for and make sure places he takes you aren't overwhelming.