Aspie Guys

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Hey I've been noticing many posts about "why i can't get a girlfriend" by aspie guys. I understand what you're going through. I too am alone and dont have a girlfriend and the ones that i like and are pretty dont like me. Guess what? F Them. Odds are is that NT guys have trouble with that girl too. If she doesnt like you and turn you down, what makes you think you are any different than the 100 NT guys who also like her.
I've learned over the years to just chill. CHILL. This doesnt get you a girlfriend by chilling, but it gives you a "PEACE OF MIND"......
The reason why aspie girls have it easier at getting dates is because they are GIRLS. thats why. they are GIRLS.
I have compared myself to aspie girls and became either jealous or frustrated at the fact they can get a date easier, and the fact that its always an NT. I have stopped, because it makes me sad and upset.
Aspie girls have it easier to get a bf because guys dont care about personality.PERIOD. we all know the answer, and there is no other answer. But if the aspie girl is unattracteive she'll have a hard time at getting a bf, because guys only care about looks, the girl doesnt have to be a model, but somehwta attractive.
just because you have asperger's doesnt mean anyone is going to care about you any more than anyone else. If you have asperger's and you're a guy....you will always be a guy, its never going to change.
Another thing. It's not healthy to limit yourself to aspie girls...want to know why?

THERE ARE NONE. plain and simple. There's only like 8 out of 2 million (that's an exaggeration, but you get the point)......it's kind of like saying. I'm only going to like girls with pointy noses, small lips, puffy hair, and blue small eyes. And trust me I've never met anyone that looks like that.......well thats how it is limiting yourself to aspie girls. The only reason there are so many on here is because the sight is for people with asperger's. tehre are 26, 770 members...find out the 4:1 ratio for that.
You'll get many unattractive ones, then there will be a whole bunch with boyfriends, then half may not want to talk to you, and if she does she lives all the way in australia while you live in the US. thats such an unrealistic relationship.

What I'm trying to say is to stop worrying about getting women. Don't chase them, and let one approach you first. and if you live years and years without one approaching you, then its meant to be.

Guys you all are great people. Without autistic men, where would this world be. We wouldnt have microsoft and so much other useful stuff we have today. How did bill gates get a girl, maybe she loves him, maybe she wants his money. who knows, and its none of our business anyways. but thats not what its about. its about having a peace of mind.
You are a man for a purpose, or else you'd be a female...and so what if they have dating easier, only attractive ones do. Think about the unattractive girl who's mother tells her she'll get a guy who likes her for her one day. It is possible, but odds are its not going to happen. That girl is in the same position as we are, although it is possible to have women like us for us, just drop the ones who dont,
we dont need to be JERKS, ALPHA MALES, or whatever the heck its called. WHY BE THAT? we dont need to. if every woman in the world liked jerks that wouldnt mean that we would have to be one. If everybody in the world smoked weed to be considered normal, would that mean we would have to smoke it?

I don't think this is the right attitude to have. The onus is generally on men to make the first move.

I kinda agree with the original poster actually. From what i've seen of the world, i get the general impression that most lasting relationships form when people aren't actively seeking a relationship and there was never any scripted "Would you like go out with me". I think the best thing to do is to just get yourself out there in the world, have various hobbies and meet various people without actively looking for a partner. If one of your "hobbies" is going out looking for a relationship that's an automatic red-flag wether you are male or female.

I'm just not good enough at playing "the game". I think I could be but I can't be bothered.

That's the way it seems to be. For years I've had that mentality thought of hoping that girls would be the ones to approach me but it's not gonna happen. The chances of that actually happening are both none and very unrealistic. We live in a stereo-gender role where the guys have to be the aggressor which doesn't bond well with asperger people for obvious reasons.

This post isnt even about getting a date. But if we're gonna go there this is how you do it:

1. Don't look for a date
2. Don't look for a date
3. Don't look for a date
4. Don't look for a date

I have often heard people say that "love finds you when you're not looking for it." I'm not sure how true that is, but I have noticed that a lot of relationships are formed by "accident."

I would be inclined to agree with this, and with the OP's "don't look for it" approach... However, I get the feeling that love already sent me the perfect woman years ago, and I ****ed up the endgame (mostly through inaction)... and I am not that likely to see her again...

I agree with the original poster to a certain extent...

I do agree that you shouldn't spend every waking moment worrying about finding the "one" because if you take a look around, not many people HAVE found the One. People are cheating on each other, divorcing, or living with each other for financial gain even though they hate each other. I believe that love comes from the most unlikely places and is almost certainly unexpected. If you expect to find a girlfriend the minute you start looking then expect to be disappointed.

But also, don't just sit on your hands and wait. If you meet someone that you find to be absolutely incredible then open up the line of communication. I learned from this the hard way over the years. Most recently I saw this girl at work that I found to be absolutely beautiful. She initiated (or tried to) what could have been a conversation and I kept walking. She caught me off guard. But I fully intended on following up with her the next day or two. Guess what? Never saw her again.

The world isn't politically correct, though we wish it would be, and I think the OP has a mostly accurate summation of how things are. But that doesn't mean everyone should stop trying.

I believe that in many cases aspie guys win out in the end through sheer determination. I just look at my parents to know that; my dad, a single aspie (I believe - he is not diagnosed) in his 30's runs into (literally, he kept stepping on her feet) my mum being an NT who probably never went without a boyfriend in her life, at a house inspection.

Mum, who already has a boyfriend, pretty much finds him annoying but can't shake him off. He continually goes to my mum's flat and pursues her, even with her boyfriend, stays there, and is relentless until mum finally chooses him over the other guy.

Ending = marriage, 2 kids, happily ever after (they're still together).

Life throws up hurdles, but there's nothing human determination cannot conquer.

I'm not saying everyone should be totally forward, but if you're interested in a girl at least show some interest insofar as talking to her. Otherwise you'll either be caught staring, which is creepy, or she'd just presume you're not interested.

Otherwise I'm incredulous at the notion that you should just do what you're interested in and the women will come. I had this attitude for years in college and got absolutely nowhere - even in secondary school where I felt like I had to be a bit braver I appeared to have more of a shout. I don't think I'm bad looking, and I believe I keep my personal hygiene to an acceptable level, so my suspicion is that you have much less of a chance of finding anyone if you have a totally care-free attitude, especially if you have AS since certain social procedures may take practice and moving out of the usual comfort zone.

Many relationships happen by "accident", but my suspicion is that many if not most of these can be accounted for by both parties being good enough communicators that things just came naturally to them.

I think what jemir is saying is dont let not being in a relationship rule your lives. Make you depressed ect.. There is so much more to life than women and relationships.

I used to let trying to get a girl control my life. I was told that my style of dress was too lame and that i acted to weird. I changed my clothes to baggy and all that stuff and i started trying to act cool. THEY STILL DIDN'T LIKE ME. No matter what you do, you cant make anyone likes you. If they dont like u in the first place, they wont ever like you. If they think you're something you're not, they may like you, but eventually they'll find out who you really are and get rid of you, or you may find out that you dont want to be that person you pretend to be, or you dont wanna be with that person you are with.

If someone of the opposite sex initiates in some kind of way they are interested. Then go for that person, that person may be too shy to talk to you, if they never initiate , dont be afraid to talk to that person, just dont initiate anything back. If a someone of the opposite sex literally throws themselves at you, sheck them out to see what they're made of, and if you like them then go for them.

NOTE: Never go with anyone you dont like. Dont be afraid of bad Karma of hurting a woman's feelings you dont like. There is no Karma. If women already turn you down in the first place; going out with a woman you're not interested is not going to stop the next woman you are interested in from turning you down.
You will get no more gain or loss than you already have.
It happens to all guys too, they all get turned down.

Carlos gets beat up in texas by bullies, and then he flies to Illinois where a kid is picking on him.....carlos wants to beat the crap out of the kid in Illinois, but then again he doesnt because he's afraid he'll get bad Karma "what comes around goes around"....but he's not going to get bad karma because by beating up the kid in Illinois or not....its not going to stop the Texas bullies who dont even know about the Illinois incident, from bullying him.

It's the same with the opposite sex and turning them down. Who cares, turn her down if you dont like her. You have nothing to lose, and nothing to gain, until you get your first YES.