Does money, distance, and culture matter if you're in love?

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Maybe the real question that I'm asking is, do you think a relationship can work with just love?

I've had my own experience with this, but want to see some answers before I share my story.

it should. life can get in the way and other people come into our lives. But (this goes for both people) if you stay true to your realationship -the guy- not going around with other women, and the girl not getting bored with him because he has no money or he is too far, then it should work.

But yeah, kinda need a story here

Interesting question - I don't see why not. At 18 you are only looking at a short term boyfriend - so in that case, money distance should not matter.

Love should come before everything in my opinion. Money is a supposed bonus.

Alright, since you need a story, I suppose I'll give you one. Just so you know, I'm not the "typical" girl falling in love right and left. I never believed in the idea of love until I met him. Although, I agree with Learning2Survive that at 18 I should only be interested in the short-term, I'm not necessarily interested in that anymore.

I met him when I was 16 years old, 2 years ago while visiting family in France. I'll try and spare you the details, but basically, although immediately attracted to him did not trust him because he was 22 years old. I was very straightforward from the get-go, always reminding him of age difference, never showing that I trusted him.

The night that we met, my mother called the cops on him thinking that he had stolen me or something because he was Albanian (there is a stereotype that they are all drugdealers and sex traffickers). I had to assure her and the cops that I was alright and that he had done nothing to me, which he hadn't except for kiss me. I told him I would meet him a few days later at the same place at said time, but wasn't able to meet him because of a trip to Paris that lasted longer than expected. I assumed after missing the rendezvous I would never see him again since I had not left any other means of contact because, again, I didn't trust him and so went on with my business. A few days later, I saw him at the park. I said sorry for not showing up at the rendezvous and explained what happened. From then on, we met at the park every day for the rest of the summer but never going out of the public's eye or letting him give me a ride home.

I kept these rendezvous secret from my family for as long as possible. The summer was about to come to an end and I realized that I liked him more than I should. I went online and translated a goodbye letter into albanian to explain to him why it could never work due to the age, distance and culture differences. I gave him the letter and planned to never see him after that. I cried that night, frustrated by my decision, and realizing that I cared for him too much to let it end like that. So the next day, although the letter was nasty and I was quite embarassed to show my face, I went to the park where we normally meet, hoping he might show up. He did.

We made up and he said that he wanted me to meet a friend of his. This friend was quite a relief to talk to. He spoke fluent french, which my boyfriend did not. He told me that if I loved him I would have to tell my family about him. So I did and was met with exactly the criticism I expected and was forbidden to ever see him again. Of course, I don't respond to orders very well and went to see him anyways to ask if he and his friend could both come and meet my family. This worked out better and my mother let us continue dating after that even letting me go out to a club to go dancing with him.

Summer finally came to an end and we promised each other that we would write and call each other as much as possible. Those types of promises never work out though, but we did keep in contact some. I, however, decided to experiment and date other people, he wasn't the first person I dated, but I definitely felt I didn't want him to be the last. Also, dating other people helped me cope with not seeing him for a year... along with the drugs and alcohol.

Finally, summer came around again and I had to pretend I had broken up with him for 2 months to convince my parents to let me go to France and see him again. So it was back into secrecy.

When I got there I heard news that he had been caught by police without his papers and had been sent to a retention camp for 30 days. I tried calling him as much as I could without getting caught by my mom, but finally told her the truth saying that we were only friends. For the longest time I tried convincing her to let me go visit him at the camp. Finally, my aunt convinced her to let me go and I got to see him a few days before he was to be let out.

I accepted that I loved him and for the rest of the summer did everything I could to try and find a way for him to come to America excluding the idea of marriage. I also lost it to him that summer because I finally trusted him. When I got back to America I tried to help him still for a few months until finally it seemed hopeless. He seemed to not be doing anything for himself and I was having to do everything to try and get him to America, but everything fell through. So I gave up and told him this was a stupid relationship and that I had to end it. We still can not effectively communicate due to the language barrier, he is illegally living in France, and I have college and can not marry someone at this point in my life I told him. Nevermind the issues my parents have with age, religion, and culture (23, Muslim, and Albanian).

So I didn't talk to him for months, but he still called every day, then every week, then every month, while I dated other people and ignored him. When I was done having my fun I realized that something was missing and 6 weeks ago finally called him. We made up, told him that I couldn't forget him, and wanted to keep trying and he hadn't forgotten me and said he still loved me. But he had started dealing drugs and god knows what else and said he thought his phone was being tapped. I didn't think that was possible and him tell me what he was doing, two days later, his phone wasn't working, going straight to voicemail, and a week ago the phone wasn't even connected anymore. So I'm scared and worried now.

Anyways, that's where I am currently. My mom thinks he's not worth it, but I really don't care about where he comes from or where he is in life right now. I've been thinking about marrying him since that's the only way I can think of to help him since I've tried everything else. The only thing I'm worried about is how it will affect my studies in college. I know that he wants me to do good, but I'm scared that I'm going to wind up having to take care of him anyways.

Well, It's all good. You've done everything right. I mean you are a lucky girl from what it sounds like. He was a strong figure in your life, and I know another girl who went to visit a guy in Europe and he actually left her alone in the city and she got really traumatized. Anyway, I'm glad he was not a creep and things turned out well.

Well yeah, but it's not even a summer fling anymore. I'm trying to fingure out whether the next time I see him, should I marryhim regardless of all these issues?

Love me or hate me, but here I go again telling you like it is.

I don't see why you can't marry him later on in life. I mean you would be marrying down, not up. So no reason to rush into it right now. Honestly, though, I have a sentiment toward women right now that basically they say they want men who will treat them nice, but in reality, they go for the guys who won't. That's just the way it is. That is why I believe it's futile to try and save you from marrying an unemployed, deported, immigrant with an Islamic origin who was soliciting a minor when he was 22.

Because he's not in a good situation right now and I want to help him. And although I agree with you that many women go for guys that won't actually treat them nice, I am not one of them. If he had disrespected me just once in the course of our relatinship, I would not still be wasting my time with an impossible situation.

see I told you you would like what I had to say lol

I can see why you have that sentiment towards women though, I see it too with my friends. But I'm actually the one who breaks hearts, so I wouldn't worry about me.

Do you want people to tell you what you want to hear? Or do you want to hear the brutal truth?

What you want to hear is that you and this chap are star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet and your family has been keeping you apart, but you're really meant to be together. And you're scared that some harm has befallen him, like maybe he's been detained or something, and you want to rescue him. That's fairytale nonsense.

The harsh reality? "We still can not effectively communicate due to the language barrier, he is illegally living in France"

How can you sincerely be in love with someone when you can't even communicate due to the language barrier? And it's not like in lieu of communication difficulties that you've been overwhelmingly impressed by his other qualities, is it? All along you've said that you couldn't trust him. Why didn't you listen to your own intuition? Your inner alarm bells were right, weren't they? I mean, illegal immigrant, on the run from authorities? Drug dealer?

And all the stuff you were saying about he wasn't doing anything for himself, all the effort to get him to the US was coming from you? Have you ever read the book or seen the movie 'He's Just Not That Into You'?

And as for his phone not working, well, I'd hazard a guess that either he has been detained, not just for being an illegal immigrant this time, but for drug dealing, or maybe he's just not that into you and doesn't want to know you any more. Do you honestly think that he's been waiting for you like some lovesick teenager while you've been living your life and dating other people and stuff? He's probably moved on to his next victim, another sweet young girl who thinks he loves her. One with an EU or US passport.

He has totally manipulated you for his own gains. And now you no longer serve a purpose (because he's probably replaced you with another girl whose family isn't coming between him and his desire for a better passport), then he doesn't want to know.

If you were to marry him, you would be making a big mistake as you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as his status in the US is legitimised then he will divorce you.

Just don't do it. Forget about him. Realise that you've had a lucky escape. Move on with your life.

These things don't matter to me.

I am specifically looking for a certain type of person (a Christian Aspie who likes animated sitcoms and comedy, and indie/foreign films).

However, since nobody near me (central Texas--Austin/San Antonio area) fits that description, I have no choice but to travel.

You know I really don't need to explain myself to you. I didn't trust him not based on instinct, but based on caution. I wasn't about to be stupid and was only taking into consideration that a 22 year old man could very well be trying to trick me. My instinct was that he was a nice guy, which he is. We communicate, just not as in depthly as I would like. He never pushed the idea of marriage on me so I find the idea of him using me laughable. The entire time I have been with him, I have felt completely in control of the relationship. Yes, I'm disappointed that he didn't take that much initiative to help himself come to America, but that could be because he just doesn't know what to do. He wasn't illegal coming to France, he just stayed longer than his intended stay. He was waiting for me and from the last I heard from him, still is, but we had agreed that it would be okay to date other people. We both are aware that we've been having sex with other people, but we still love each other. If his intention all along had been to find someone to marry, then why did he go after a 16 year old? It doesn't make sense does it? There is nothing to escape, except someone who has only shown the utmost respect, who has showered me with love and affection, even occasinally giving me gifts with the little money he has. I never meant for this story to happen to me, it just did.

The question was, can two people who love each other make things work regardless of other issues?

^^Absolutely!!

Honestly, in the grand scheme of life, it doesnt matter if the girl likes southpark. That should be a bonus, not a necessity. The perfect girl doesnt exist. It called compromise.