People don't seem intrested in themselves

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I know you are supposed to talk to people about themselves but whenever I ask people

So What are you into? doing anything intresting?, what you been up to etc I always get a dunno or nothing. I don't understand it. How can you not know what you like? I could list my intrests and spend hours eplaining them. Why can't I get to know people better, do they think I'm not really intrested in hearing about them?

that's probably correct, I bet they think you're just trying to make small talk.

I don't usually answer such questions because I have done so many times before and found that the person wasn't at all interested and was just being "nice" and chatty.

I am one of those people.

Really, nothing in particular. I'm very boring I guess.

I rarely do more than go to work, come home, run errands, read, random internet.... nothing I'd consider interesting to anyone.

When nothing really means anything to you anymore... it's not about what you like, it's about what you avoid.... I guess. Something like that.

I envy your passion, and wish I had interests.

Often, yes. We're taught to ask things "just to be polite", so when someone asks..... kind of a "they're just trying to be nice and I shouldn't bore them" thing. Surely you don't really care, that's how I think. Yes, I know that's screwed up.

It's something of a no-win situation, isn't it?

If I'm NOT interested in knowing about someone, I don't ask. THEN, of course, I'm misperceived as being aloof, snobbish, etc.

If I AM interested, I actually ask them the honest question (like you did/do, apparently), and then, out of "politeness/courtesy/whatever" they opt out of giving an honest answer.

Sometimes, I'll go ahead and be specific, qualifying; "I'm asking the question because I am sincerely interested in knowing about you."

This kind of directness can cause other problems, however.

We sometimes can't win.

So I'm assuming your not employed as a website reviewer, you spend your spare time reading and looking at random websites but your not intrested in books or trivia, or the internet? What do you do as a job, if you don't mind?


Totally I feel like I only half the code is there I'm getting to know when NT say x they mean y, but when I want to say y to them I don't know the value of x.
When I say how are you I don't mean I'm am performing a social ritual, but i want to know your current state becuase I am generally intrested in short how are you.


I'm still trying to work out if I'm playing chess or rugby, never mind f***ing winning.

I work in a barn, manual labor.
I read a lot, but don't get all fanatical about cerating books or anything. And who would I discuss them with anyway?
Don't really care about trivia.
The internet is there to roam around in in search of any amusement. Sometimes I even find some. It passes the time anyway.

So you could talk about what you have read or who your preferred author is? or your genre? or ifyour intrestes are modern books or gulliver's travels, or what websites you frequent, share your mirth found online, perhaps there was a joke you read you could pass on or an amusing story to tell?

Anyone who's intrested and wants to know more about you.

So you must know about chickens,cows,horses,goats?
Are the animals battery or free range?
Wha kinds of crops do you go? Any rapeseed?

There's so many hooks I could grab onto there and I think it's true for most people. But in real life, I can never get past that initial, "dunno","nothing"or other bland statement.

Sure, on the rare occasion I'm around someone who actually reads. Most people I know don't, or at least not for entertainment.

I've tried. People rarely seem to care. That, or don't have internet access.

It's a racing stable, but we don't have anything very good. It's not a pretty buisness.

And on the occasions I do actually talk to poeple, I hear later about how they thought I'd never shut up. Yeah, I think I'll spare them.
Sorry, I don't trust friendly interest in general, it's just my nature at this point. In my experience, a lot of people acting friendly actulayy just want something, and people asking questions are looking for something they can use against you. Yes, I know this isn't everyone, but I suck at telling the difference.
And I hate to bore people, but have trouble telling when I am. So, I seem to get by better by talking less.

Excuse my French, but those are dumb questions to begin with.
If you are REALLY interested in a person and his life and his interests, then, you should already have known something about this person's life. And in this case you should have asked about something in particular. But telling people: what is it in your life, that I may find interesting? a strange thing to ask. They do not know what to tell you, that is it.

I guess I'm just saying what are the smart questions?

I am trying to ask people what they find interesting? All I want from them is a list of hobbbies/interests really. That way it is possible for me to match up theirs against mine and find common ground. Which I was attempting to do with zghost.
How exactly can you find something out about someone without asking them? (short of gossiping/spying anyway)

For instance I wish to know my neighbour better,In 3 months all I have learnt is her name and course(which she doesn't enjoy very much and never seems to want to talk about), how do I find out something else about her that she is intrested in for our next conversation?

It all seems like a bit of a catch-22 to me.

I generally just say something completely off the wall, and if you're weird enough to run with it we'll probably get along.

So, you came to the conclusion that people do not find THEMSELVES interesting? Where is logic?
Yes, you do not ask exactly
"What is there in your life that I find interesting?"
But when you say "Are you doing anything interesting?"
- the natural and reasonable answer would be
"It depends on what you consider interesting".
The frank answer would be: "I do not think it will be interesting for you".
The real answer would be "Nothing".
But the conclusion that people do not consider themselves interesting is kinda based on the assumption that if they do not do something that they would consider interesting TO YOU, means they do not consider THEMSELVES interesting. They may in fact tell you a lot of things about themselves that makes them interesting people (to themselves). but the question you really ask challenges them to think... Sort of what can I say to make you interested? I do not know if I make myself clear enough here... But you really have to show interest first... before someone will tell you something ''interesting'' about himself....
I don't know what kinda relationships you have with that neigbour and why she does not want to talk to you. But when you approach people who you do not know very well with a question like that - it does not incite a lot of sympathy, unfortunately. You ve gotta think of other things to say to establish at least a little bit of familiarity with a person.

Last edited by Naturella on 10 Dec 2008, 5:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I've found if you ask the more generic questions like "what are you into" you will in fact get NOTHING in response

HOWEVER, if you ask for exampe "did you read <insert a book title" you have a better chance of getting a yes or a no, and if your lucky - a "nope, but I HAVE read <again, insert book title>

People are under the impression that if you ask a generic question, you are just making small talk, no matter your intentions

For the record, I was 27 before I was diagnosed with Aspergers. Before then, I didn't know I could accept myself for who I was, cause what I was was strange and far too quiet and I had the worst stutter. The people I was around made me feel horrible about who I was. So, I spent a LOT of time crouched in a corner pretending to read a book to listen in on conversations. My obsession was: PEOPLE! what they did, why the did it, the history of people and thank god I found psychology at an early age. Eventually, by the time I hit high school I was able to start a limited conversation. I'm still scared of people to a degree, and I come off really strange. But I did manage my way through the military (I got yelled at A LOT!! !)

I have the same relationship with all my neihbours, 2M & 7F the smile and hello, how are you politeness, or the I recognise you nod. Most people are like that acquantinces, it's the friend part that is difficult

A: Someone says they have no interests(Zero)
B: Intrest in your self is 1 interest (at least)
C:1 is greater than 0 therefore either are lying/mistaken or are not intrested in themselves

Sounds kind of over-literal, logical when I write it down like that, but is more or less how I think. I would make a good robot

Thanks katiemonster
I will try being more specific.

Apologies in advance if this was not the response you were looking for.

To find more about someone's hobbies all you have to do is use an "ice-breaker". You reveal one of your hobbies (a sport or something), you are effectively creating trust and then ask if they have a similar hobby or interest. In my experience, people respond better, if you reveal something about yourself as then they don't precieve the questions as one sided intrusion of privacy. Am I making any sense?

Sorry, if stating the obvious.

Goodluck whatever you do!

Yea.. reveal something abt yourself first.
But interest in oneself is not something anyone you know too little is going to discuss with you anyway....