"You're so quiet..."

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When thrust into a new group of people, and somebody says to you "You're so quiet," what is the appropriate response? My standard for years has been some non-specific bullsh*t about taking time to warm up to new people, but that doesn't hold up as an explanation for very long since the "warming up" never happens.
I guess my question really is this: When confronted about being quiet or shy by a new group of peers or potential "friends", do you tell them about your Asperger's?

The reason I am asking is that I am thinking about attending a local meeting of atheists and I want to know what to say when the question comes up.

I usually just shrug and smile, like "What can I say? You caught me. I'm quiet."

I usually just blink and shrug haha.

I usually pretend I'm very tired, unless I'm actually tired in which case I'm too slow-witted to say anything other than 'yes, I'm quiet'. I don't have any long-term excuse that will explain why I'm tired on successive times I meet the same people, I just assume that after a while they'll all think, 'I guess that guy's just quiet'.

If I'm worried about coming across as cold & indifferent, or even snobby, I will try to smile a lot, which probably makes me look like an idiot, but hopefully a well-meaning idiot.

I just tell them "I don't have much to say right now". It gives a pretty good idea & logical explaination of how you feel about small talk. Also gives fair warning for when you dominate the conversation when you do have stuff to say.

I usually tell the people (that have told me that) a tale from Babylon 5:


Kid: Its my sister, she is quiet, we think there is something wrong with her.

Londo: ...Or something very right. The silent ones, they are the ones that change the universe.


And i throw in a smile after that

I often get told that when I'm around a group of strangers.

I just tell them I'm kind of a quiet person.

Normally when people ask why I'm so quiet, I ask why they're so loud.

Being quiet is AWESOME. Today everyone who was waiting outside the library (door was locked, several idiots walked INTO the locked door, but that's another story, LOL) was told to go outside by the teacher, but then when it was just me and two of my friends sitting there quietly, the teacher just glanced over us and left, leaving us alone. The quiet people are almost always the exception to the rule. and it rocks.

And if you're quiet, you find out things easily because people seem to assume that because you ain't speaking, you must be deaf. Today in math class, I was just staring into space, and I could HEAR the people talking at the other side of the room. I guess it never occurs to them that just because my eyes aren't focused at that moment, I can still hear every word they say. I could be a master spy.

But don't tell anyone. We don't want the secret of awesomeness getting out.

Thank you for all of your replies. I feel a little less anxious about going to this meeting now. I interact with other people so little that I forgot that the problem is usually the subject matter. I don't do small talk and 90% of the people I see on a regular basis never talk about anything I'm interested in. This, however, *should* be a place where my interests will overlap with those of the other people in the group (for once). It really is more a matter of not having anything to say.

So, again, thank you.

Drowbot....I am Mr Stony Icy Silence unless there's a context (eg work related) for interacting. While I still worry about people misinterpreting my quietness as arrogance, etc, I have certainly learned to just live with it and leave the dealing with it up to "them." I don't much care for people who don't know how to shut up...but...I'm just as free to avoid them or learn to deal with them as is the reverse case. Usually there are enough people around who really know me to reassure others that I'm just quiet, and that's all that there is to it, nothing nefarious or psychotic going on underneath the surface. Good luck!

I borrow the Sundance Kid's line:

"Just in a gabby mood, I guess."

What I don't like is that the people who tell you that you are quiet are the same ones who would ridicule you for your quirkiness if had you been more out going. It's just our defense mechanism from getting riduculed.


To answer the question, I just smile and shrug.

I like saying "I'm a man of action."