Not finding intelligent friends.

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Intelligent conversations all the time is boring.

Brasilov has said everything I wanted to say in his first post. Good I don't have to type all that.

I always say I feel like a man with a very long penis. I always have to take into account and be considerate that the other person can't cope with my depth of analysis and it'll hurt them. So I'm constantly only half into the conversation, craving for more depth when it's not possible, feeling frustrated and not getting enough satisfaction from the encounter. This frustrates me no end and frustrates the people with me too, I guess, because even unconsciously I keep pushing for more depth.

I used to think that either nobody was as wise as me or that I had a superiority complex, but on this website I met marshall, CanyonWind and ManErg, and was relieved to see that there are people in the world that don't make me feel like a Yemenite*. There are others, but they don't post often.

(*) Yemenite men are unusually big compared to the rest of malekind, both in show and in grow, and are known to have a problem with women for this.

I remember back when I had friends and those long sessions at coffee shops talking about the shallowest of topics such as nails, boyfriends, etc. and God forbid no insight sharing or topic discussion with the goal of learning something from each other. My head would start to explode and I'd feel so frustrated that I couldn't behave nicely. I'd start pushing for more depth, they'd eventually get annoyed and/or put off, and the friendships would go sour. I'd wake up the following morning feeling extremely guilty. One fine day I told myself I didn't deserve to put up with that torture and stopped agreeing to go for coffee with friends. Either we do something interesting together (like a trip to explore a new place or an independent cinema movie) or I prefer to stay home.

I'm aware this is one of the major reasons, if not the only one, that I live in my own bubble.

Same with men. I stopped dating a few years ago and trying to meet someone, for the same reason: I had had it with being accused by them of being too deep. Always too deep, too wise, too meaningful conversation, not fun. Fun is smalltalk, lies, phony games, showing off, thrashing others, etc. Insight, self-knowledge, a deeper understanding of what's in us and around us, that's off limits. That's heavy stuff, a lot of work. And independent cinema? You're kidding? It always has a sad ending, so better stick to Hollywood movies.

marshall, it's perfectly ok to laugh, but I wanted to clarify that I meant it all very seriously. That's how I feel.

And from your laughing, I take it you've never had a male Yemenite lover...

Majority of Neurotypical are dumb and is allergic about deep logic thing

Several replies deride the importance of social abilities and empathy, something I used to do, but less so as I grow older. Emotional intelligence is an impressive attribute, and just because one doesn't possess it, doesn't mean it is any less important. It doesn't erase that deficit. That's a trap I frequently fall into, and am the worse off for it, because I never examine something from a different perspective, or try to improve on something that I lack.

People that are verbally quick, always ready with a witty rejoinder or pun, impress me. It takes me a while to mull over a response to something, as there are so many things being processed at once. I envy that ability to extemporise.

^^i do feel that i have a different language when i talk to people who are not my friends, say colleagues from work. it's not bec i feel intelligent but because i fear that people would make fun of me if i blurt out stuff that i usually say to people close to me.

my friends and i grew up together intellectually, academically (let's just say we came from the cultural studies dept, to make it easier), although we have different outside interests. when we talk to each other, it's always filled with jargons and inside jokes. most of the times, it's fine, but there are times when i tune out. like what some people here said, it can be quite boring and tiring.

i notice that for a lot of NTs, these kind of conversations of mundane things mixed with gender theory and postcolonial analysis (i'm using this as an example) are not small talk material, so i had to make a conscious adjustment.

the times when i blurt out stuff that are usually reserved for my friends, either people don't get it or they just find it/me weird. i guess, what i'm trying to say is, i understand where you're coming from.

I don't know if I'm particularly intelligent, I'm probably average or above average intelligence.
But I used to find if I talked about interesting things rather than just hooting along, I'd be accused of being a showoff. I play dumb a lot now.... I want to find some nerds to talk to, so coming off as smart will be acceptable and desirable.

I can relate. Why would I put so much effort into making a connection with someone I couldn't enjoy spending time with?

Maybe it's not even about intelligence. Maybe NT's prefer to bond rather than discuss? Dunno, never really got it myself.