Getting the silent treatment

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I agree with Tim Tex's views on this, except I would rather be ignored than physically abused.

This, has actually happened to me a few times with people with AS. I figured out that maybe because they were shy people, that they found me too much. I'm either too quiet or a bit loud, plus I remember with one aspie guy I used to know, I ended up talking at him advice which would have helped me, and I didn't listen to his problems (big oops). I have a bad habit of that, which is why I try not to give people 'advice' these days. So, now I feel useless, and have a lack of things to say since I'm rubbish at giving people sympathy, and I hate it when people talk about problems or open up to me. Anyway, a girl with suspected AS at my college agreed to meet up with me twice for lunch, and turned me down both times. It made me feel better though when her support worker agreed with me that the girl was a bit strange anyway.

Another girl with AS said to me she'd hang out with me and met up with me again...and I did the advice thing. I think it was that, that put her off.

A guy with AS from college hinted madly at me that he fancied me, and kept on doing it even though he was always 'busy' on MSN messenger and didn't call me like he said he would. He kept hinting at me after that too, by the point which I'd given up on him. It turned out on his myspace page he was seeing another girl.

A guy from AspieAffection had his relationship status on myspace to "long-term relationship" when he contacted me. I think he only bothered to contact me when his relationship wasn't going well.

I just don't trust anyone, which helps I suppose to get over the people who cut me out. The only people I'm sure aren't going to cut me out are my family. It's not like a lot of people have cut me out, but the few that have done so has made me paranoid.

Perhaps one. She was never particularily friendly anyway, so I haven't been to disappointed.

That said, it is quite likely that people are snubbing me and I don't even realise it. I don't put in a lot of effort with friendships so if someone drifts out of contact, I rarely chase them down.

I've only ever deliberatly ignored one (non-online) friend; my ex boyfriend who turned into a total creep.

I have had this happen to me a couple of times in my life. One was a friend from middle school whom my family took in due to his home situation. Another has been a childhood friend whom is the mayor of his community that I helped after his community was devestated by the flood of 2008. Oddly enough, both of these people still talk to me if you approach them out of the blue.

Both were close friends for an amount of time in my life. I still don't know what I did to offend both of them, but I have learned that the obsessive component of my AS probably lead to behaviors that had something to do with them rebuking me.

What I find extremely sad about both of these characters is that I put lots of time in helping them through their situations. My friend from middle school, I put time into befriending him and helping him find an escape from his homelife (he has done very well for himself). My mayor friend, I put lots of time, money and relationships that I had with other people so he could bring his community back up. He won a number of awards for his leadership.

Both friendships terminated by a terse e-mail. Since the correspondence was sent, I have not been able to get a responce via e-mail, Facebook friend requests are denied, and I am told that they are too busy when I try to call them.

I am refreshed to hear that other people are having similar issues.

I have had one person do that to me...like me for a while, then dump me like leftovers....

and of course the people I thought were my friends who barely talk to me and dont answer my msn messages. I now don't bother making friends nor do i bother getting emotionally attached with anyone except one perosn in Winnipeg who has been there for me everyday for more than two years and is still sticking by my side....other than him, there is nobody that I can trust...I just dont bother...out of fear they'll have their other friends send abusive emails calling me a creep and such...I guess trying to be a friend is creepy to NTs unless you are NT as well...so ya....I just keep to myself and only speak when spoken to..and only answer directly to the question at hand or if its school or work related....I avoid eye contact with anyone walking down the street or at school.

This has happened to me so many times. Almost all of my friendships or apparent friendships have ended this way. I used to try so hard over and over to figure out what was wrong or reconcile with the person, but it almost always ended badly and/or I ended up absolutely a pathetic figure, miserable, and still not friends and still mystified. Then I had one friend this happened with and years later, she reconnected. I had to force myself not to demand an explanation, but really I was so happy to be even semi-friends with her again that I managed not to go into it. I still don't know what happened originally. Frankly I have acted very weirdly (the more time passes the more I can see it) from other people's perspective so it's not like she couldn't have had any number of reasons. This is the only time this happened though, usually no matter if how hard I try to reconnect, it's over. So now, I don't usually try to force an explanation. It seems to alienate people even more. If they aren't prone to telling you why they are disassociating themselves then you aren't going to get a true answer by pressing them or trying to fix it, you will just get excuses which might not even be true (I don't know why people do this, I'm just speaking from experience) and often even further attempt to disassociate. I guess if they are going to come back they will. It is really hard not to keep trying. There are several people that I think of often and I wish we were still friends (others it ended badly enough or without explanation enough that I don't consider them a friend anymore). As for the ones I really miss, sometimes I can't resist contacting them after a lot of time has passed (it's always fruitless , or raises false hopes if they respond and then go back into ignoring me). I realize I am seen as pushy in doing this now and it's better to just let it go, as enormously hard as that may be. Maybe they will resurface later. Maybe you will get an explanation. Don't rely on either, just try not to agonize over it and try to find another one. Each time it happens it also makes me more afraid of getting close to the next friend, and since a friendship that is not close is unsatisfying in my eyes I attempt it anyway, but with the realization that most people do not view friendship as I do, and will not work as hard to keep it, and will not give you an explanation. It seems that many people simply do not care as deeply.

I hate silent treatments. I used to get really angry toward any person who treated me this way. I've dealt with my anger now, and am dealing with what within me dictates silent treatments as abhorrent.

If someone else chooses to not communicate - even not communicating why they're not communicating - we cannot do anything about it. It's legal, it's a free world, it's out of our control.

It's not really the silence that's hurtful, it's the attachment formed and the inability to satiate that attachment or have it reciprocated. If they have attachment then the choice of silence hurts them too. but if attachment didn't exist, silent treatment wouldn't bother anyone.

That's the thing with getting the total silent treatment...it's as if the other person has died. It actually feels like they've died, because they're gone forever and it's out of your control...like you've lost them. Does anyone agree with me?

ouch. it does stink really bad. people are mean. however, it is fun when once you get over the shock and hurt, or maybe while you are still hurting, is to ignore them in every degree. then, when they want to come back... well it's up to you. but generally you can see the surprised and confused look on their faces, and that satisfies me enough. yeah, i couldn't figure out which rumor was being spread or what the person was thinking. unless it's a really obvious social screw-up, i think it could be anything, like some dumb rumor, or a he-said-she-said thing. who knows. does it matter? they were obviously not friends, and i enjoy treating them as such, afterward. like fair weather friends. blegh. some people can tolerate them, but i don't know why.

this had happened to me countless time. Before i know if i have asperger i always dying to know the answer although i never had the courage to ask. But once i learn that I am an Aspie, i started to accept it. I think people just don't have the capacity to understand me that's why they respond wrongly. It still hurts me sometimes, but not because the bad treatment, but because of the lost opportunity to build a good relationship with other people. I hope someday i will met people who are more knowledgeable on how to deal with asperger thus more accepting and understanding. It hurts to be costantly misjudged but then again they do that because their ignorance not because they hate us.