Should we change?

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The world would be a very colourless place if everyone had to change themselves. What and who is right?

in the long run societies shouldn't discriminate against it minorities
do u think the blacks should have conform to slavery just because no one should expect everyone else to suit himself ?
i'm not demanding a total accommodation and recognition from anyone else
(actually such demand is one of the main reasons the NT wouldn't just let us be)
i need society to tolerate me as i've done nothing wrong and my personality is not worse than anyone else personality
it's just different (different good in my and many other opinion)
besides
society is changing toward recognition in the importance of diversity and individuality
the interest is not just ours but societies at large benefits hugely from applying more adavanced moral codes

BTW
as a programmer who works mostly from home i can ,and do ,contribute and get by quite nicely with out me needing to change my autistic way
in fact,at least in this case my autistic traits work very well both for my self and for the society
the middle ground doesn't necessarily require "impersonating an NT"
everyone will have it better if people would just let us be and it's really not too much to ask

I won't change who I am for others.

But I will learn social skills and emotional skills that help me get along with others.

And I will be flexible with others, not expecting that everything is always done my way.

All you need is a little charisma. You don't need countless "social skills" if you've got a cheery personality and a decent sense of humour. If you have no expression, you'll seem dull and cold.

Was that a reply to me, or a general reply?

I certainly am not advocating "countless social skills". Actually, I'm talking about what I've already done. I've improved my social skills, and also my abilities to deal with my emotions. No classes or anything. No therapy. Just learning and growing as I live my life. And doing so doesn't take away from who I am. It helps me better be who I am.

I wish I could be as optimistic as you about socity... but that hasn't been my experence. The trick is to quitely be yourself such as not to draw attaintion. Perhaps I spent to much time trying to hide as a child.

I have found NT individuals who except me for who I am (I'm married to one in fact), for the most part however I worry about what appears to be certian instinctual responces in the species (NT or otherwise) I hope you are right and society does change but I see more happening that leads to greater need for conformity from where I'm sitting.

I share your experience there
I think that our talent in hiding or to see and live in between the line is one of nature (or god) tricks that also falls into the "survival of the fittest" game
because our orientation toward knowledge seeking and communication is also part of us being much less territorial than the average NT
people might call us introverts or shy or living in a bubble or whatever but truth is we have somewhat deeper and more realistic sense of time and space and consequently what's really possible and what to expect from ourselves and others
that's why i don't expect everybody in the world to know me
don't want to be famous or successful
at least not according to the NT standards
all i need and expect is one person to know me and recognzie me for what i really am
i fell that AS have an important rull in making our crappy society a little bit more sane
and it's our sanity that is so intimadating to the average NT and the so called pro's

Society is how society is, whether or not we like it. The majority of people are NT and so communication and just about everything is geared toward NTs. We can survive and exist and meet our physical needs without adapting to their way of thinking and communicating, yes. However we can't very well make friends and get along in the world without people thinking we are wierd or odd or whatever they think without adapting.

Somebody told me on another threat that it's dangerous for me mentally and physically to change how I communicate to fit in with NT's and I asked how but was never given an answer. The answer is that it's not dangerous at all. In fact, now I'm able to talk to people and once they get to know me it's not a problem to tell them my little quirks and have them accomodate mine as I accomodate theirs.

The bottom line is that if you want to fit into mainstream society and not have people think odd of you, then you have to act like they do. It's ridiculous because I don't think odd of people who think differently than me, but thats just how it is. You can't change the world but you can change how you react to it.

I've been acting and interacting like NT's since I was in my late teens and I've really benefitied from it. I've had friends, boyfriends, a husband. Been invited and gone to and turned down invitations to parties and social events. I don't always have to go, but it's nice to be invited.

There is nothing wrong with fitting in. It doesn't mean you have to change how you think. I don't force anybody else to adapt to me and they don't force me to adapt to them.

PaganMom

Society is not what society is
Society changes all the time because people like us and others who doesn't like it
This is essential part of human nature and without it we would still live in caves
I wish people wouldn't think i'm odd and treat me fairly but i'm not going to conform to their twisted and amoral way of thinking and behaving (staring at and abusing "odd" people is just a symptom of a profoundly diseased mind) because than i would be as bad as them
Friend is not an object
friend is someone who can get you and understand you and if u need to change the way u comunicate in order to adapt u don't really have friends u have a shadow
or an image of a friend
the way we communicate is what we are
u can't separate a person from his "quirks"
my acts are essential parts of my self expression and define who i'm at least as much as my word
i am what i choose
if u adapt to a form of communication and behaviors that that doesn't reflect the way u really feel and see u loose your true self and consequently loose a true sense of reality and the ability to make the right choices for you
people might not laugh at you or isolate you but by adapting u end up isolated any way because u r isolated from yourself
which can lead to a serious mental and physical problems because a true and meaningful communication and integration is what keeps us alive
life is not a popularity context
i don't care if i'm not invited to parties
i hate parties
one of the most annoying thing in my life is people constantly inviting me to come over
i wish they would live me alone
i don't force my way of living on nobody
why then should i be forced to "adapt" ?
i don't care for NT
they bore me to death
not every thing is geared toward the NT majority and as time goes by and society advances more and more resources are becoming available to people like us
i don't want to and don't need to talk to people just for the sake of talking
that's an NT thing
i talk to communicate truly and to express my real needs and personality which of course i don't expect any one to fulfill or accommodate but if u can't I'd rather u live me alone
unfortunately even such a modest and fair request is too much to ask from the majority you are so anxious to adapt to
(and i know perfectly well why is that but i'll save u the horror of listening to my description of the NT and the NT world,very sick people as far as i'm concern)

Well Nara, I grew up before anybody ever heard of Aspergers. There was no diagnosis, no reason for the way I was. I was just different. I didn't want to be different. So I learned how to control what I said and did. It was hard, still is sometimes, but guess what? I'm happy. I'm glad your happy too. But this was my choice years ago and I'm glad I made it, just as I'm sure you're glad you made the choice you made not to change. Just because I like something doesn't mean you will and just because you don't like something doesn't mean I won't. To each their own, wouldn't you say? There is no hard and fast rule or one way of being. I am me, will always be me, even if I did learn to shoot the shinola with people and to listen to their silly stories of how little Becky got potty trained and Skippy got on the ball team with a smile on my face.

When I was a kid, I was different. I didn't want to be different. I wanted to be like other kids more than anything in the world. Luckily, in 6th grade I met a group of girls who would become my best friends and later on a guy who would be a good friend, who taught me what I wanted to know and I could actually ask them "What am I supposed to say/do"

If you don't want to change or learn to fit into their society that's fine. I'm glad you are happy the way you are. I was not. I'm still me though, even though I have social skills now.

PaganMom