How do deal with controlling people

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I recently dealt with a really controlling individual earlier today who had tried to order me around. I was wondering how do I push back without sounded mean or nasty back?

Most often, a simple;

Sorry, but, no; is the right answer. With the very controlling; this may need to be repeated and/or reworded (thanks, again, but, no).

Worrying about appearing mean when dealing with controlling individuals is a big stumbling block.

I'm pretty blunt with controlling folks and I'm pretty sure I often appear cold & blunt. But, then again, I never stress about controlling folks; I simply don't get controlled. As I consequence, I never feel bitter towards controlling people.

Yes, they sometimes get mad at me that I disobeyed, or more often; mad that I wasn't manipulated. I'm normally friendly to them the next time we meet and usually we're fine.

In cases when folks stay mad, I take that as a red flag to avoid relationship with that person.

Just in case you're wondering; I have friends; good ones.

I did put my foot down this afternoon because I was tired of being bossed around. I finally said, "I think I already know that lady," and walked off for a second. I then said, "I don't need to be condescended," and walked away to calm down. Would you say that was nasty or was I putting my foot down?

Sometimes I think it's best not to say anything at all. Unless that person is your boss or a parent. I recently moved back in with my mother and her partner. My mom is often very controlling at. She still treats me like a ten year old. And she spends a lot of time thinking about what I'm doing with my life, as opposed to focusing on her own. This often enrages me. Sometimes when she says something that bothers me I will shoot back with something hurtful. I've done this for years.

My psychiatrist recently told me is that this is not the best solution to the problem. By reacting this way I am only escalating the problem to a higher level. I think this is true. I notice that when I react badly my emotions go right off the charts. So much so that it can take hours for me to regain my focus and concentration. Somehow I think I'm going to have to learn how to rise above the occasion and not let my mom's remarks get to me, no matter how untrue, selfish or insensitive they may seem. Perhaps I need to remind myself that I'm younger than her, have fewer friends than she has had, and have therefore had more time to consider the consequences of her actions. Consequences, for reasons of time/circumstance/personality, she simply hasn't given much thought too.

I think initially this will be a tremendous challenge for me. But perhaps once I develop a system I will find myself in greater control of my emotions. I think emotional blow-outs do nothing good for anybody.

What made me blood boil was the way she acted when they were leaving. She had this snobby, irritated, and almost self-righteous tone to her voice. She didn't even bother to talk to me about it afterwards or apologize. Instead, she walked by me and said, "Bye," and then said my name. I then decided to send her an e-mail and mention that because she was acting like that, my feelings were hurt and that rest of my day was ruined. I also mentioned that she seemed to act as if I were 12 rather than 30 and that I did not appreciate it.

I've found in the past that email is not the best place for anger. It always leaves me with a feeling of unfinished business. Maybe it's because you can't see the other persons reaction. I think the best way to handle this is to approach the offender in person and explain why what they did made you angry. Often times people will see the truth in what you're saying and apologize. But sometimes they may not. If they do not, have the maturity to know that life goes on and you can't win every battle. Then try and find someone who likes you and focus on that. The key is to move on.