Everyone Must Sacrifice

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Ironic that it seems most of the people correcting our "social skills" are control freaks that are criticized for their behavior a lot!

I have noticed that everybody in society has to conceal or destroy parts of themselves to fit in and that disgusts me. We should have a world that embraces differences and uses them to their fullest potential rather than belittle them; that being said we should consider motivations.

Life comes down to just making yourself happy and surviving but somewhere along the line society convulutes that simple truth.

Nothing wrong with that; helping others be makes each other makes each other happy.

This ought to be carven in stone and erected somewhere no one can ignore it.

Wow. That was moving. I agree we all have to hide something about are selves to fit in better in society. If we all showed who we were on the inside the world would of been much more advanced and there woullent be any wars. A example of people not showing who they really are is gays and people in the spectrum of autism and many more. How sad...

I couldn't disagree more with the original poster.

A common habit of Aspies is to acknowledge they are having social difficulties, but instead of working on changing, they hide in their caves and blame nuerotypicals instead.

If you don't like your social life and you want it to be better, you will have to make changes, ones which require sacrifices, but in the end, it's worth it.

I agree with minervx, sure its a pain in the butt to get proper help, its been taking me years now, but i'm doing a lot better then i would have been if i didn't look for help at all or accept it, and we all need to adapt anyway, so does society eventually, its just a slow progress i think because we're with so many other minds on this planet. Anyway i also think its worth it, i myself really strive for the goal just to feel comfortable talking with people in person, because that helps me, if that means i have to adapt then i will :) And you can adapt while staying yourself, sorry i'm probably rambling, sorry in advance if i offended anyone!

Glad to see I'm not the only person who wishes others thought in terms of helping others use their skill to the best of their abilities!

I am a realist, not a pessimist, which is why I ythink the progress we have been making is impressive; however, it needs to continue until we can live in a world that John Lennon imagned.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/johnlennon/imagine.html

I kind of think Minervx and the original poster are right. I think that as Aspies, we need to work on communication skills, learning to read body language, and adapting our conversational skills a bit so we can function better socially, but society shouldn't be so closed-minded either. People should not have to hide their interests or fake a personality to gain acceptance from others.

Even if they understand you, it doesn't mean they'll like you. Those who understand my autism dump me respectfully rather than in a hostile way. No big difference, not enough of a difference to make the effort to educate the public.

With me those are the people who actually dont want to be with me in reality. Recently, i have had people correcting me when they no longer had need for me.

On the other hand the ones who do not correct dont really care about be either.

What does that say?

To Moondust:


Agreed completely.

To Moonhawk:



I do agree with you but i my question is what is "proper help". Most of the people who i know were trying to help have been pushing me without realizing what i was struggling with. And if i did not succeed they would say you are not trying enough. This has been true for varied people, starting with my mother, my "so called" friends and my therapist. All have done the same. Whenever i say "i am not getting it" or cant seem to do it as it is not clear, they say "i should try harder" or "i am being difficult". So although i agree with the need to adapt and i have evolved over the years. I am 33 and am doing things that my mom could not dream of me being able to do when i was 12, but i would not say it has been because these "helpful people" helped me. They helped me see that there was a problem but the solving was done by me. I did the reading, i worked on it to figure it out. It has taken years to reach the stage where i can "chat" with people for really short duration, but it has not been due to these helpful people. Infact in the end i resent those people and stay away from them because they just dont seem to want to understand.

Well should someone with no legs work on learning to walk? I realize that is a bit different however it is unlikely that most aspies would be able to socialize like a neurotypical.......so I can see why to some spending a bunch of time that could be spent elsewhere on trying to pretend to be neurotypical just to fit in may seem like a waste of time.

But then at the same time I am just fine with my 'social life' the kind of people i like as friends don't really care if I'm a bit odd...and typically my oddness and clothing style keeps away squares I probably don't want to talk to. Except the ones who want to bum a ciggerette cause I guess I look like someone who smokes or something.

Hmm well maybe it's just me but I can recognize body language....at least some of the more obvious body language I am sure I miss or mis-read some of the smaller things. But my issue is more not being able to process that all while interacting I am not really sure how a therapist is going to make my mind be able to process body language, the conversation and say pretending to make eye contact all at once.

I kind of feel like if society wants people like me to put any effort into functioning in it......maybe it shouldn't encourage people to treat those who are different as crap, since it tends to make them feel alienated and want nothing to do with that 'society.' Right now though I am trying to use that negative energy to maybe find work or something to get a little money so I can figure out a way to live that does not involve conforming to this society otherwise I'll try to find a way to change it or help change it...I am simply too disturbed by it to want to be a part of it.

Of course not! They should work on learning how to pretend that they do have legs, and to be convincing.

Sweetleaf, I totally see what you mean about society being conformist and alienating its members. I dress differently and hold different values than most of the people I'm around. I feel alienated and discarded by society, and I also agree that people should make an effort to understand those who are different. However, I believe that Aspies should also learn to better understand and communicate with neurotypicals and learn to read body language and process it while interacting. Some people, including me, have trouble reading and processing body language. What I do know about it now is due to having an NT friend, and since I first started talking to her, my social skills have gotten much better and I'm able to process and read body language much better than before. NTs should try to understand those who are not neurotypical, but those who are not neurotypical should also try to understand those who are. Everyone should try to understand and relate better to those around them, not just those with AS or just those who are NT.

Well the fact of the matter is I cannot process all of that at once, its not a matter of 'not trying hard enough' its a matter of I do make my best effort to communicate as well as I can, but since my disability involves difficulty with normal social interaction I find it ridiculous I should be expected to develop perfect social skills just so I can satisfy society.,

You shouldn't be expected to develop perfect social skills, just to try your best, and NTs should also be expected to try their best to understand people with AS. Unfortunately, this last part is often ignored due to lack of awareness.