Aspie girls with no close friends or relationships

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I am wondering if there are girls out there with no close friends and no partner? I am one of these people and have no desire to find a partner for a relationship. Have dated and been in relationships but very few but have had dating experience but I have no close friends and don't really know how to go about it. It does bother me a bit with the friendship side but then I don't want to spend a lot of time with one person or a lot of people if I was close to them. I guess I have trouble with reading emotions and how people are feeling as I am not good at reading social cues. I am 31 years old.
Who out there is in the same boat having difficulty forming close relationships both with friends and finding a relationship? Hope to hear from girls with Aspergers on this topic.

ME!

I'm pretty great at making acquaintances. Anything more than that...terrible.

Every single thought I have, I must check first to make sure I'm not saying something offensive. So I occasionally appear stupid to the people around me. The things that I'm interested in or want to talk about, people don't want to talk about. I find talking about most celebrities or gossip boring. Sometimes I want to talk to you. Most of the time, I want to live in my own. Why? In my world I can be me. I can be childish in my appreciation and experience of things. I can analyse things and thoughts deeply. Without the risk of getting bullied or shunned.

I've always been different. I was bullied by my peers. At school I had different ideas and did things differently. Which wasn't encouraged by my teachers. I'm shy and have low self-esteem. If you don't tell me that you like talking to me or that you like me, I'm not sure. If you do make it obvious, then my immediate reaction is to be hesitant, because you must have some ulterior motive, because you wouldn't like me otherwise.

Despite all that I would like a good friend and a partner. It wouldn't bother me if it happened to be the same person. I don't want to be a social butterfly. I would just like one person. How I do that, I've got no clue...it seems like every time I try, it's a painful failure. Another reminder of how different or how socially inept I am.

So, yes I'm in the same boat or the same pea pod.

Sometimes I think if I'd been diagnosed as a child, I would have been able to learn the skills required to do all these things. Maybe I'd have more confidence. Now sometimes I worry that it's too late.

Ditto. Was withdrawn and shy for a very long time, due to rejection. Only started coming out of my shell in the last few years. Still no real close friends though. Never really learned how to make friends, which is something of a shadow of the past affecting the future.

i was badly abused by my parents
my parents were reclusive and they wanted me to avoid socialising
so i grew up to be a sociopath
and now i dont have any friends....
once i make a friendship it doesnt last long enough
plus friends always end up using me and dumping me.
so i have almost become a misanthropist no expectation from me.

I've had acquaintances over the years as an adult but not a lot of interest in having friends since I graduated from high school. I don't have any friends at the moment but I am married.

A lot of it has to do with how much work friendship feels like. I can get to a certain acquaintance stage but past that I'm clueless and don't know how other women maintain close female friendships.

I'm in my early 30s, have few close friends, and have never had a serious relationship. Until recently, I haven't really wanted one.

I am not sure if I have AS but I definitely identify with the social issues being discussed on this forum. I believe I was raised by two AS parents, so that the social skills which were "modeled" for me were more AS in nature.

I always felt rejected by my family because they were quite critical of me (though now that I understand more about AS I see how much they love me). I also felt rejected by my peers because I was always made fun of for my appearance and awkward presence, so then I started to prefer being alone because I could guarantee I wouldn't be teased. I developed an eating disorder as a result, which further motivated me to isolate so I could keep the eating disorder a secret, and because not eating robbed me of any energy to socialize. It's like an isolation trifecta . I have my own apartment (which I absolutely love) and a great cat (big surprise).

Suffice it to say I didn't get much of an opportunity to develop social skills until about three years ago. Feeling completely disconnected from the world, I started paying attention to what particular people who I (and others) found to be inherently likeable were doing, and tried to apply their approaches to my own life without compromising my own authenticity. I wouldn't say that doing this has resulted in getting more friends or relationships, but it's made me love myself more, it's made me happier, and helped me start to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I agree with what you all are saying about it feeling like work. I think it's harder for me to connect naturally with someone, so I'll always have to work twice as hard to forge even the simplest connections.

Alice in Aspieland- I don't think it's too late at all.

Outside looking in- I checked out your blog and I really like it- you're a really talented writer.

I have a few close friends and they are very dear to me, but I admit I don't keep up with these relationships as much as I should. I really get wrapped up in my own thoughts too often

I've never been in a relationship of any kind, never even been on a date. I'm not averse to it, but I am extremely frightened by how my AS would affect someone else. I'd really need quite a caring, patient person and not sure one can be found.

I have a few close relationships and a spouse, and I'm entirely satisfied with that.

Did I say entirely satisfied?? I meant, bordering on utterly overwhelmed.

It is difficult. Social relationships are difficult. It is hard to know what the requirements are, what level of closeness is not enough and what level is too much, for others. When you involve an intimate partner, the difficulty squares.

I am sometimes honestly ready to give up, to remove the friends and simply have the spouse, or to chuck it all and live up on a mountain somewhere. I could come down once every couple of weeks for coffee at the local gas station and other than that get plenty of socializing from raccoons.

My Side of the Mountain, right???

Yet I hang on. I screw up and am thankful the handful of people that are dear to me tolerate it. Because I remember a time when I did live that way, and was desperately lonely. I would miss my children miserably, miss talking decisions over with my spouse and thus having someone to catch my most damnfool mistakes, miss the occasional phone calls and semiannual visits to friends (however stressful they may be).

At the same time, I think I would actually be OK. As long as the kids came to visit sometimes and I knew they could get in touch with me any time they needed their mommy, I would actually be OK.

I wonder if the benefit of age and experience accounts for the difference. I suspect it might. I know that, the older my father got, the less he minded being alone. I know at the end of his life, his world consisted of his wife, his mother, his grandkids, and me-- and the children and I were a thousand miles away. He was glad to see us when we visited, and glad to see us leave again. He sometimes visited the local gas station for coffee-- in fact, after his death, the medical examiner found his last cup of coffee still hanging around his stomach. I find this humorous and comforting.

He was, actually, quite happy as a general rule.

Advice?? Don't think you are deficient or must have those things simply because others need them or say you should. Seek alternative companionship in unconventional outlets. Accept with an open hand what comes in of its own accord-- sniff the wildflowers, so to speak, rather than attempting to force roses to grow. You will have to find it on your own terms, by trial and error. There seems to be no other way.

It seems like I have 'revolving door' friendships, meaning people just come and go. I just really want a few people that will stay for more than 2 years generally. It's so hard. Sometimes, I just want to quit my quest for more friends--and maybe a romantic partner. I've spent hours in therapy learning social skills, googling searching for many websites on body language, expectations, small talk. I hate small talk. I can do it for maybe a minute or two, but I still don't like it. It gets frustrating sometimes. UGH!! ! But I guess that's life, and you have to keep trying.


I've managed to have a few long-lasting friendships in my life. I have a few friends now. I want them to last.

I'm the same way, so at least take comfort that it isn't just you.
I grew up thru abuse of all kinds, foster care, murder,
drugs you name it and I turned out to be a decent person.
You can rise up against that. I have.
I can tell you it took me a long, long time and I am only now
starting to see the lighter, brighter side of things.. everything is clicking!

Thru the years, whenever I had friends, I ended up being taken away from them.
I developed attachment and bonding disorders on top of Aspergers, tho knew
nothing about it at the time. Before I knew it, I'd be around a bunch of strangers again.
But so what? It isn't over yet. My past does not define me. I can only be in the present.

If you are comfortable with yourself, then you will be less bother by others.
You are your closest friend.
Just face it...
Some people really aren't worth the time to bother with. If they
don't want to figure you out or get to know you, then whatever.

I am learning to be comfortable with myself. Though there are things
that I will never truly understand, at least I can understand myself, and
my little space around me. I think my kind nature makes up for my
quirky and quiet behavior. It makes me a better listener, and I'm ok with that.
I've never been in a relationship, but never really desired one.

I went thru a friendless period for over 6 years, up until the beginning of this year.
I am friends with my neighbor, though we actually do fight from time to time. xD (that's another story)
It's very difficult to find the boundaries in which to cross or not. But if you are
really friends, you find a way to make up and be buddies again. Even if he was a rude jackass. xD
It's rare and in between to find a friend that is actually there for you and cares, instead of being after something.
It is nearly impossible to have a close enough friend to share everything with. I made a separate part of me
that is friends with myself. Sounds weird, but it's so easy to talk to myself in my head or outloud at home. xD

I can make friends online, but not in person. I can't read social cues very well and I tend to get bored with the other person easily. I was diagnosed with Aspergers a few months ago and I feel that if I was diagnosed when I was young, I could have learned social skills. Now I feel like it's too late. I'm accustomed to being alone. I don't even mind it anymore. I feel like I have nothing to offer anyway. I'm not interested in other people's problems, I get bored easily, I'm rarely enthusiastic about anything.

I am a female with Aspergers and I haven't had a boyfriend since I got diagnosed with Aspergers eight years ago. I made the decision not to have a boyfriend because I feel that I would be to hard to understand and I am happy being on my own. I did have a group of friends but now I do not, due to them using me, belting me up, throwing things at me, lying to me, controling me and wanting me to get involved in their personal issues that I did not want to get involved in. I have only three friends I fully trust and would call friends we know each others boundries my three friends have Aspergers and are male. I am abit of a Tomboy and I rather associate with men then women. I do not understand my own gender. I do not understand gossip or rumours. I rather talk about cars, V8 supercars, computer games, aircraft, ships, music, The big bang theary, science fiction, comics, Yoda, legos, football, weather, astronomy and superheros such as The Avengers and Justice League. I too am not interested in other peoples problems but I always get forced or dragged into peoples problems whether I like it or not or whether I have made it clear to the person that I do not want to get involved in the personal problem whether I am not interested in the problem or not whether I find it boring and to keep me out of it because I do not know how to handle it or cope with it. I am well known for just disppearing if someone does involve me in a personal issue I do not want to be involved in. I end up changing my mobile number, blocking the person on facebook and I even move. I am happy spending days on end in my unit more interested in my hobbies and interests listening to music for hours on end than going outside and socializing or listening for hours on end about someones personal problems my unit is my comfort zone, music comforts me and relaxes me. I love animals especially dogs I'd love a Beagle but I am not allowed pets in the units I am in. I rather noone knows who I am to be known at all.

I like aspie girls!