"People will stop bullying you, when you just ignore th

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Tequila
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20 Jan 2014, 8:39 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
People stop bullying you when you fight back.


Tell that to Israel.



Aprilviolets
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20 Jan 2014, 5:45 pm

I fail to see how a child who is timid can FIGHT BACK at bullies unless they take a knife to school and end up being expelled.



Aaendi
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21 Jan 2014, 12:34 am

I've never been bullied physically, but I've been bullied emotionally by the girls at college. When a girl claims you're making her feel very uncomfortable, go ahead and piss her off, and make it clear it was her fault. I find they usually admit they are sorry if you prove your not someone to fool around with.



ZipoCXG
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21 Jan 2014, 3:29 pm

I never liked the "ignore them" advice even when my teachers and parents gave it to me as a child. I always seemed to lack that filter that allows people to block out the harsh words bullies would throw out at me, and it only furthered my frustration when the adults I asked would just keep telling me to just ignore them. It's not something that's gonna work for everybody, and also if the adults knew about the bullying, why wouldn't they try to do something themselves to try and stop it such as punish the bullies (granted they knew who was doing it). Also when it comes to being physically abused by people, am I supposed to just ignore that too? Ignoring was never a method of dealing with the outside world that I was every fond of.

It works for some people, though I'm pretty sure there are other [better] methods of getting bullies to stop with their actions.



YourMajesty
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21 Jan 2014, 3:31 pm

I think such advice is almost toxic. It means that children/teenagers just have to undergo being mistreated like hell -what kind of message is that?!



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21 Jan 2014, 6:30 pm

Whenever I tried that people just tried even harder to bully me...and well I can only handle so much crap before it upsets me no matter how much I try and ignore it.


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22 Jan 2014, 1:41 am

Fnord wrote:
buffinator wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
People stop bullying you when you fight back.
... only if you win

Yes.

Ignoring their insults is one thing, but a bloody beat-down is the only way to convince a bully to leave you alone.

Then again, bullies may have friends; and those friends may want to beat you down in retaliation.


I did fight back as a kid and I got in trouble for it every time and kids still bullied me. They just knew they could get me into trouble if they keep on harassing me and soon I will fight them and I will be the one in trouble.


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22 Jan 2014, 11:03 am

You can do multiple things to stop being bullied: you can tell them about themselves, ignore them, get outside help (teachers or admins if you're at school), fight them and win, or blackmail them.



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22 Jan 2014, 3:48 pm

ZipoCXG wrote:
if the adults knew about the bullying, why wouldn't they try to do something themselves to try and stop it such as punish the bullies (granted they knew who was doing it).


I never understood that either. When girls at school were saying mean things to me we were in class and I was sure that the teacher wasn't deaf and must surely have heard them, yet she never did anything about it. How I despise my 7th grade teacher. I think she didn't like me either and thought I deserved it.

My 6th grade teacher was awesome. She saw potential in me and encouraged it. She was the best teacher I ever had. I never had any problems in 6th grade. I wonder how much the teacher is to blame in some circumstances...



micfranklin
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23 Jan 2014, 8:15 am

hurtloam wrote:
ZipoCXG wrote:
if the adults knew about the bullying, why wouldn't they try to do something themselves to try and stop it such as punish the bullies (granted they knew who was doing it).


I never understood that either. When girls at school were saying mean things to me we were in class and I was sure that the teacher wasn't deaf and must surely have heard them, yet she never did anything about it. How I despise my 7th grade teacher. I think she didn't like me either and thought I deserved it.

My 6th grade teacher was awesome. She saw potential in me and encouraged it. She was the best teacher I ever had. I never had any problems in 6th grade. I wonder how much the teacher is to blame in some circumstances...


From what I hear, teachers are allowed to intervene only to a certain extent when it comes to bullying in schools because the schools don't want parents threatening lawsuits.



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29 Jan 2014, 9:42 pm

Ignoring involves acting like you don't care when you really do. It relies on faking your disinterest complete with nonverbal behaviors that reflect this. This is a skill that's so hard for people with ASD as many of them (myself as a kid included) are not aware of their nonverbal behaviors in the first place, let alone how to change them.

I hated when people gave me this advice as a kid, because they never taught me HOW to ignore people. If they taught me explicitly, it would have saved me a lot of emotional pain.



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30 Jan 2014, 7:05 am

I have a lot of defences that stops me from getting bullied.

I think if anyone was to bully me though, I don't know what I would do.

I think I might cry.


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droppy
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30 Jan 2014, 7:12 am

In my experience the "ignore them" advice didn't work. Even if I ignored them, they still bullied me.



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30 Jan 2014, 8:35 am

I was given that advice when I was being bullied at school in my early teens.

It's useless and I think what it really means is that the person giving the advice doesn't know what to say, or doesn't care, or even that they think something is wrong with you and that you deserve to be bullied.

My experience was that the bullying didn't stop. In fact, it spread - kids would tell other kids I'd never even met that there was something wrong with me and that they could safely say things to me.

I was (am) a big guy and I think people realised that I would lash out if they got too close. Therefore, I only tended to be abused by groups standing well out of my grabbing range. A psychologist once asked me why I didn't grab one of the trouble makers when I met him alone drag him into the school toilets and beat the sh*t out of him. I didn't find this helpful. Firstly, there would have been reprisals either from teachers or from kid I'd attacked (the people who bullied me weren't isolated individuals). Secondly, I'm just not that calculating. I'd have to stoke myself into a state of permanent range to want to attack someone in cold blood.

These events happened over 30 years ago but I'm still traumatised by them. Almost every night I dream about those days. I'm shaking with anger as I type now. :x



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30 Jan 2014, 3:29 pm

buffinator wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
People stop bullying you when you fight back.


only if you win


Which is why you have to learn what you're doing. It's not like some teen movie where the kid gets fed up, takes off his glasses and turns into Chuck Norris. The first few (or more) times, you will get your ass handed to you. You just have to learn what you did wrong each time and don't make that mistake again.

Also, you don't have to fight back physically. There are other ways as well. Violence doesn't even have to be involved.


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OliveOilMom
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30 Jan 2014, 3:30 pm

Aprilviolets wrote:
I fail to see how a child who is timid can FIGHT BACK at bullies unless they take a knife to school and end up being expelled.


By just forcing themselves to actually do it. I WAS that timid child and I didn't take a knife to school. I was basically forced into doing it and I learned that it doesn't hurt as bad as the original bullying.


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