What would you do???

Post Reply New Topic

So there's a girl of my age and she's like my only "friend". She asked me to hang out with her several times and so did I but I don't want to go out with her anymore.
When we go out she talks all the time, and I mean she talks A LOT. It's always about her boyfriend and she expects me to give some advice when I'm barely listening and I never had a boyfriend before lol.
I got exhausted when I come back home because I'm not an outgoing nor very talkative person.

Anyway, when she asks me to go out with her I just say I can't because I'm so busy or just pretend that I'm ill. The other day I discovered that my mom and her had contact on Facebook and now they both text a lot. My mom said she's a nice girl and I should go out with her so did I.
And my friend told me that my mother is way better than me when giving advice and that she wishes my mother was hers. She also told me she felt more loved by my mom than by me. That hurted me but I said nothing.

I feel like I can't tell her I don't want to hang out with her anymore because I'll be all alone again but again, I don't want to. So, what would you do? Has something like this ever happened to you? Is it something common in the spectrum?

She sounds like a frenemy. These are people who pretend to be your friend but really it's all about having power over you. A clue is the hurtful way she compared you and your mother. She sounds manipulative. Saying nothing is telling her that it's ok to hurt you, so she will continue if you don't challenge her.
What are you getting out of the relationship? Someone to hang out with who you don't actually like? Doesn't sound much like a friendship to me....sorry to be blunt.

I seem to attract people like your 'friend'. In the past I had to break all contact. These days I tell them straight up I don't like what they've said/done and they'd better lift their game if they want to hang out with me. Mind you, it's taken me about 30 years to be able to do this.
Good luck! Maybe it's time to keep an eye out for new friends. Personally, I've always done better with acquaintances. You get the social aspect without so many obligations.

Thanks for your advice and honesty!

The truth is, I really enjoyed talk to her back in time. It's better when we talk at school because we only share the break together. Since this summer started she's like obssesed with her boyfriend and will only talk about their relationship and break-ups.
I told her already I don't have special interest on that and she seemed to understand and changed the topic, but after some time, come back with the same stuff.

Anyway, I'll take your advice and try to tell her about it next time!

LOL.....She sounds like a typical NT teenager.

That's just the way they are.

Could it be, also, that you don't like the fact that your mother speaks to your friend on Facebook--or even that your mother likes her, and you feel rebellious because you want to choose your own friends?

I think that would make sense, actually. I never wanted my parents to choose my friends for me.

It's part of independence to want to choose your friends. It's part of growing up, really.

Nothing "Aspie" about that.

You should join a club at school which highlights what your interests are.

But: don't burn bridges with your friend. You don't have to be BFF. But hanging out with her would be useful, since this would teach you about how to deal with the NT world.

The best thing to do would be to tell her is "I really appreciate the offer to get together. I am sorry but when we are together I just feel that you do some things that bother me." I also don't appreciate being compared to my mother. If you were a friend then you would not do those things.

Well, I think I don't care about her and my mother talking via Facebook, but the fact she says my mom is better than me annoys me
By the way, I'll go out with her sometimes but I definitely tell her that she makes me so upset when talking so much about her boyfriend (even if it's normal in a NT girl) and try to make our friendship better.

I will search for a club that interests me as well

I was friends was a couple people like this before who constantly rub things in my face.

They have done it
1. By hinting that they don't think that people with AS can't get into this or that.
2. By wanting a situation to work out with someone and I am in a conflict with them. So another person is chosen over me at that moment. That person who I am jealous of would rub it in my face
3. By their actions and facial expressions

Two things:
People like this are very insecure
They also don't care because they are clueless or blind to their actions.

Your friend above sounds like both of those.

I would tell your friend that she needs to learn to respect you and that her relationship with your mom has nothing to do with you and that she needs to get over herself. Then you might tell her that you have never had a chance to have a boyfriend so her boasting hurts. ( I wish I could talk to her myself)