"Call me" "Let's get together" without meaning it???

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How can you tell the difference between a sincere "Call me"/"let's get together" and a fake one? I always wondered why sometimes people say this and then never call or respond. But I just read that sometimes people say it without meaning it.

My neighbor has said this to me three times...I gave her my number and she never called or reciprocated by giving her number. It's happened with other people too.

How does the sentence function when a person doesn't mean it? Is it just a polite way to end a conversation?

Is there a signal that people give to each other so that the other person can tell the difference?

It took me most of my life long into adulthood to realize that people mostly say this as a pleasantry without necessarily meaning it. Except that sometime it is meant, and the hard part is figuring out whether someone just said to you the real offer or the fake one. I now just default to assuming it's fake all the time, and if either of us actually do get in touch it's just a bonus if it turns out to be welcome.

Also, though, someone can say this genuinely, but then get busy. If someone says this who has kids, work, a busy schedule, sometimes they didn't call because they genuinely got snowed-under in their own life. A lot of people really are busy all the time.

I had afew people say stuff like that to me including my cousin & none of em ever fallowed through so I just assume it's BS.

I absolutely hate hate hate this! I know that people like to be nice, but being fake about wanting to be with someone just seems wrong. Is it just an expression?

The way I see it, I can try inviting someone to get together once or twice later on, but not the same day as the request. Then, I wait to see if they'll invite me somewhere. If they don't say yes to my requests or invite me somewhere else, and if they also don't keep in somewhat regular contact, I try and let it go at that.

I'd just assume it's fake by default. If they were serious, they'll probably talk to you about it again.

Another possibility apart from being a fake pleasantry is that it could be real, but their effort for actualising it isn't that high, or you aren't a close friend enough.

I never say it unless I mean it.

I believe that this is a more female thing than a male one. But a lot of people want to look good in the eyes other, what would a person want to hear, not what I would want to say sort of saying: that is a nice dress, etc. Although sincerity can be attached to it, people say it because it is almost expected.
I feel that most people will be fake, it is what the herd mentality is, but if people expend on it like: do you have any free time next week etc.
You can also ask more directly when they have time available and see what they say, if theysay I will call you and let you know, it is bs

Yes I've had that said to me too over the years, now if anyone says that I just think "Yeah sure you will"

This kind of behavior has always baffled me because in my mind I always take the other person seriously. I've blown up at a few people as a result.

You know who else seems to do this are employers interviewing people. They tell you that you will hear from them in a week or so and never get back with you. They also never acknowledge you when you call to confirm if you are a fit for them or not.

This used to drive me nuts, and at some point a friend I was complaining about it to clarified that it's just something said to be polite. Because it's a nice thing to say. Which is frankly even more baffling because what the hell is so nice and polite about lying to people and pretending you want to spend time with them when in fact you don't? Why get people's hopes up like that? To which she responded with a surprised "You know, you're right. I've never actually looked at it that way." REALLY!? Never? But then she went on to suggest I was being oversensitive, because I'd always had such a hard time making friends. Well, yeah, okay... I brought it up to a couple other people, to confirm that this is in fact A Thing, and they said essentially the same thing. Ugh.

Anyway... deep breath. Rant over. Yes, people do this. Now when someone says such a thing, I just ignore it. Unless I really like the person a lot and genuinely think I would enjoy their friendship. Then I'll just call and invite them out first. Because every now and them someone really does mean it, and they're just shy about taking the first step, and even though it's scary and you might get rejected, it's worth it to make a new friend. And I have made a couple friends by doing this. So yeah, just because it's a thing, and you learn not to take it personally, doesn't mean you necessarily have to choose to participate

I don't know, I disagree with most of these replies...

Yes, it's sometimes just a pleasantry, but either way it's an invitation. Life can be hectic, and I for one tend to withdraw and forget about others when I'm busy... So I try not to read too much into it when someone doesn't text or call. But when I'm willing and able, I accept the invitation, and take the initiative. Some of my best friendships have begun because I took action even when I didn't feel like it. You'll find that NTs and non-NTs alike overthink things, forget, or just get plain nervous and insecure about bothering others with requests to hang out.

I don't know if lying would be an exact answer. I think people say things that feel good at the time without thinking What they don't realize is that people with Asperger's often take that very seriously because we are desperate for friends. What these types of people may not realize is that their actions are very rude.

I have seen a few of these types of situations
1. I had a friend whose mother told another close friend and I "I will have to have you guys over sometime for dinner," and never invited either of one of us. We were not even invited to her daughter's 30th surprise birthday party.

2. I have a close friend who constantly tells me that a friend of his calls him up all the time and says "We need to get together man. We need to go caving." When it boils down to it he's always coming up with excuses that he's too busy.

Being desperate for friends is itself a prime reason never to expect anyone to be really interested in befriending you.

I've had that in the past, and I think @Birdinflight summarized it pretty well. Personally, I just stopped having high expectations (could be part of the reason why I became pessimistic in my early adulthood years and to an extent in present day), and just thought meh, another stupid fake just saying because it sounds "good".

If I were serious or more likely to follow through then I would say it, and I don't like to promise things that I can't follow through. If things change, I am often honest (too honest for some people I guess..) about it and would be blunt about things, no bs'ing or messing around, and just straight to the point.

Yes, this is damned hard, I agree.
I have only read your post not the other ones but I think if someone says "lets get together" and you never hear from them it´s just a polite(????) way
of getting away like "ok bye". I also struggle with this issue, I hate when ppl saying things they don´t mean. Stop confusing me!