Pretending friendship and other NT stupid games

Post Reply New Topic

...but is he doing that because that's truly who he is, or is he just imitating the normies?

I don't know his friend so I can't judge but I know that I don't care for him very much because my friend gets hurt every time.

NTs have a number of phrases that don't mean what they say. Shaking hands on leaving, and saying the two of you will have to get together again sometime, is just another way of saying goodbye. They don't really mean that the two of you should get together. Phrases and words can change their meaning over time. Unfortunately, people on the spectrum tend to be literal, and aren't always able to read the true meaning of a word or phrase, but instead get bogged down by the literal meaning. Just remember that the literal and the true meaning are often not one and the same.

In the case of the sibling, or anyone else, saying that they will always be there for you, the literal meaning is obvious, but the true meaning is that they want to end the conversation in a friendly, civil fashion, without making you mad. Unfortunately, the untruthfulness of their phrase does make one angry. You need to accept that when people say this phrase, they don't really mean it, and you need to let the subject go. Arguing about what they won't help you with, or about their untruthful phrase won't bring a happy outcome.

Conversations would be much better if people would say what they mean, and mean what they say, but NTs don't talk in such a sensible fashion.

I have heard the phrases from other women and seen it on cards where they say:

1.I love you like a sister
2. You're a like a sister to me.

Yet, they get tired of us and abandon us. What does that hint imply though?

I was thinking about something similar earlier, I don't know where else to write it, so I'll do it here. Someone earlier said that I "have a lot of friends". I have no real friends, just a bunch of acquaintances. To me a friend is someone that knows you. People know very little about me and have put in no real effort to do so. Which is fine with me as I have put in no real effort to be their friend either, but at least I know to call them an acquaintance and not a friend. End of rant.

This happens to me frequently. Some people are sincere about their intentions and others aren't so I don't take it seriously when someone comes out with this type of stuff.

As an example, recently, I had someone actually say something similar and then proceed to have no contact with me.. Then about two weeks ago she messaged me asking why I didn't arrange a meet up... Obviously, I totally forgot about it and didn't bother to raise it because I didn't think she wanted to meet up..I thought it was just done out of politeness.. And now obviously I don't know where I lie because she has stopped contacting me again. (Probably because she doesn't want to meet up at all and doesn't have the balls to admit it)

And this is the problem for me and probably other people with Autism. People don't make it clear whether or not they are going to follow through with their intentions and then get offended if we don't reciprocate! How am I supposed to know if you want to meet up if you aren't always honest about your true intentions!?

This is why i've given up with social interactions.. It's too much hassle! People are never clear with their intentions.. a lot of the time saying false things that they don't ever intend to do..

Admittedly I am getting better at "decoding" situations like the above but it is still a challenge obviously..

Last edited by owenc on 14 Nov 2016, 9:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't believe them most of the time. They just do it out of politeness..

I'm not sure how to handle it though when someone is actually sincere.. How am I to know?

+1. It's hurtful.

I think that is he way of giving you a hint that you need to "move on".. I could be wrong but that's what I suspect that means.

Sadly, some people are cowardly and will pretend to like you/be interested in you through gritted teeth because they don't have the gaul to the tell the truth.

Inviting people out for coffee is a good way to spot a fake friend/person like this... They usually won't come because they don't intend to have you as a permanent "fixture" in their life so to speak.

Reading this thread I began to wonder if this happens just to me or if it also happens to others. I don't really bother about people in general, but just about a couple of people here and there (I usually say "there are some people I like; it's not that I don't like the others, it's just I don't care about them"); with these few people, I sometimes do say things like "we should do this!" or "we should go there!", but since my energy and socialisation levels fluctuate so much, I could say "let's go to the movies this weekend" and then, come the weekend, I feel I'm in no shape to actually do it. At the very moment I'm suggesting a plan I truly think it'd be nice to do it, but then after some time I don't feel I can. I'm a chronic plan cancellator.

I am the exact same way. You kind of have to explain it to people so they realize you don't make plans in advanced but will randomly hit them up to go do something that day. People can tend to be busy when you do that though. Which sucks but its better than having to end up cancelling all the time and looking like a flake.

That and many many other things, I have just decided is the noise some people make. There is relevance and meaning in some things that they say, but a lot of it is just noise. I try to just ignore the meaningless and go through whatever motions, the bare minimum needed to keep things smooth, but just let it slide off my back that a lot of what they say and do means nothing to me. Being angry at their dumb social customs won't change their dumb social customs. Unfortunately.

I think that NTs appreciate superficial connections in a way that we cant and thats why they use phrases like that.

Just look at Facebook ... to many people, popularity is just a numbers game.

If it happens routinely to me by the same person, I say, "I don't think so" and I walk away. I don't play those games. Just call people on their sh!t.