Platonic versions matchmakers helpful w/ friendships w/HFA?
15 Nov 2019, 5:58 pm
I can't speak for other aspies but, as far as I am concerned, its like this: when I am single then I want relationships and not friendships, but when I am with someone then I want friendships with everyone else. I guess its partly because when I form friendships as someone single, then I feel inferior to the friends that date someone while I am not. But once I am with someone then I have to prove to myself that the person I am with is not some anomaly for liking me but there are others that like me too -- and then I need friends since I am not doing open relationships stuff. I guess due to Asperger I tend to overfocus and thats why it might "look like" at any moment in time that I "only" need X and not Y. But if you put together different things I been complaining about at different times, then you can see that I very much want both X and Y.
16 Nov 2019, 5:48 am
I can't speak for other aspies but, as far as I am concerned, its like this: when I am single then I want relationships and not friendships, but when I am with someone then I want friendships with everyone else. I guess its partly because when I form friendships as someone single, then I feel inferior to the friends that date someone while I am not. But once I am with someone then I have to prove to myself that the person I am with is not some anomaly for liking me but there are others that like me too -- and then I need friends since I am not doing open relationships stuff. I guess due to Asperger I tend to overfocus and thats why it might "look like" at any moment in time that I "only" need X and not Y. But if you put together different things I been complaining about at different times, then you can see that I very much want both X and Y.
I don't share your needs for friendships (regardless if I'm in a relationship or not), but you still confirm my claim that relationships have priority over friendships.
16 Nov 2019, 3:19 pm
I can't speak for other aspies but, as far as I am concerned, its like this: when I am single then I want relationships and not friendships, but when I am with someone then I want friendships with everyone else. I guess its partly because when I form friendships as someone single, then I feel inferior to the friends that date someone while I am not. But once I am with someone then I have to prove to myself that the person I am with is not some anomaly for liking me but there are others that like me too -- and then I need friends since I am not doing open relationships stuff. I guess due to Asperger I tend to overfocus and thats why it might "look like" at any moment in time that I "only" need X and not Y. But if you put together different things I been complaining about at different times, then you can see that I very much want both X and Y.
I don't share your needs for friendships (regardless if I'm in a relationship or not), but you still confirm my claim that relationships have priority over friendships.
Thats only because too many people suggest I focus on friendships thus implying I am undatable -- so I have to prove them wrong. If it was the opposite and everyone was telling me to focus on finding a partner (thus implying that I am not a friendship material) then I would be focused on friendships.
Case in point. 20 years ago my mom thought I should live in a house rather than a dorm, so I was resenting the fact that she doesn't think I can live in a dorm. Right now she things the opposite: that I should live in a dorm rather than in a house. So now I resent the fact that she doesn't think I can live in a house.
21 Nov 2019, 5:34 pm
Can this discussion-thread on "platonic versions of matchmakers" or more informally, those awesome people who have that knack to "break the ice" in encouraging acquaintances (even with HFA as a factor) be reassessed with the holidays upon us?
As mentioned before here on WP, the impressions of the holidays are too often associated with outgoing NTs.
20 Dec 2019, 2:10 pm
Anybody review this (and similar) discussion threads esp. with the holiday season presenting challenges with interacting with people?
Reconsider an example of important holiday-related content here in the 'Social Skills & Making Friends' Forum: Are there people i.e., friends, relatives who read (and even post) to WP who tend to mostly visit during the holidays?
23 Dec 2019, 2:14 pm
ADDENDUM: To review:
How many find the term "platonic versions of matchmakers" a bit too original, novel, too "out of the box" in describing what might very well boost the development of friendships?
To review, I find the term "platonic versions matchmakers" (I had originated) quite original. At times, it's necessary to be well.....original, "out of the box" - in order to boost awareness, and hence address very important concerns for HFA; that being challenges regarding friendships.
The holidays can present challenges in interacting with people esp. considering that the holidays through the eyes of the Autism Spectrum appear all to much focused on NTs (and at that outgoing NTs). How's everybody doing this holiday season?
