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Iraviva
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20 May 2022, 1:51 am

I now only one way, and that’s stand up for yourself. Don’t back down.

I look… fragile. I’m not. I’ve met several potential bullies: most attempts had very pathetic ends. Others didn’t, for lack of time preventing me to fully prove my point.

As a child, I was truly mean in return. Unnecessary mean. And I had a lot of creativity in doing so… It was a game. A quite engaging one, to be honest. And, in my view, it was perfectly justified: they started it. So I found some victims. They wanted to play, so, let’s play… I didn’t care about them anyway. I truly, deeply couldn’t care less. And I didn’t stop it when it was even.

As an adult, I’ve learnt not to become the bully in return. There’s a limit dictated by fairness in this: you should use just enough assertiveness to stop it, but not enough to start being them. Even as an adult, I never truly feel sorry for a bully. I am just using reasoning power to adjust my behavior to what I consider fair. This is an acquired skill.

Most bullies have been bullied themselves. So doing it to other people gives them a sense of security and empowerment. They’re not happy campers. There are many weaknesses they try to hide under the mask of being “the tough guy” or “the tough girl”. A normal, happy person doesn’t need this mask. A normal person has nothing to prove by causing pain. They are very vulnerable when you find what they try to hide.



Joe90
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20 May 2022, 11:17 am

I don't really get bullied any more. I obviously run into people who I don't get on with or there are times when people are bitchy at work, but that happens everywhere, to anyone, even NTs. But I don't get singled out or targeted just because I'm AS, although I do find myself being left out from groups if there are other females my age or younger. But I don't class that as bullying really because they're not really doing it intentionally. They just think of themselves and are too shallow to include teetotal wimps like me.

The last time I got bullied (as in ganged up on by a group of unkind people) was in 2010 or 2011 at a charity shop where I volunteered. Three or four women who I mostly worked with there (all in their 60s) decided to pick on me because of one of my ADHD quirks. It wasn't a "bad" quirk, and I wasn't hurting anyone, but these b*****s couldn't cope with it and whenever they were all there together they liked humiliating me and criticising me and just making a big deal out of a minor quirk instead of just passing it off as my way. It drove me out in the end and I had to look elsewhere to volunteer.


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Sailon
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01 Jun 2022, 3:07 pm

These are good thread to have as an outlet so everyone can post what is happening to them, or what has happened in the past. I will keep looking in here from time to time.
We can help those who are having issues, and keep sharing info.



klanka
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01 Jun 2022, 3:36 pm

It helps to not have submissive or bizarre body language. Like, when walking in the street try to not look down too much dont draw attention to yourself by doing anything odd.
Have a neutral expression on your face when walking. When talking to someone who is intimidating just talk in a very calm even voice, show no fear.

As for bullying in groups, never talk about your personal business as they can rib you about that endlessly. Mask as much as possible, just think Clint Eastwood in the cowboy films.



KitLily
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02 Jun 2022, 2:35 am

I was bullied at work, the worst place was an animal charity of all places! The other workers in my department were public school girls. (by that I mean they had been to posh, paid for, exclusive schools) Whereas I was just a normal, state school girl. So they were very, very adept at jostling for position in the hierarchy, using passive aggression to browbeat others etc. Very odd and not what I expected from an animal charity. I had the last laugh though. They pushed me out of my job and I got the best job I've ever had after that. Also they wanted me back after my replacement was 'kind of stupid'. My reply was no. Haha.

Also I was bullied by posh people in baby/toddler groups when I had my daughter. I wasn't 'good enough' because I was only a teaching assistant whereas they were doctors, lawyers, headteachers etc.

It always seems to be the posh people who are the bullies...hm...wonder why...


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Sailon
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18 Jun 2022, 9:02 am

Sometimes I wonder if this country is slowly becoming less wealthy and if that will at some point negatively affect those of us dealing with these problems.



KitLily
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19 Jun 2022, 10:21 am

klanka wrote:
Have a neutral expression on your face when walking. When talking to someone who is intimidating just talk in a very calm even voice, show no fear.


That's good advice. I am lucky that I have terrible Resting b***h Face so I just let my face relax and it looks so cold and angry that people keep away. :lol:


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GreenL3aves
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30 Jun 2022, 7:25 am

Wow, me too. I had a old crotchety woman tell me a few months ago she would never guess I have autism. Which is hilarious to me because it's so obvious. I just stare people down and ignore them. Her comment was completely unprovoked. So she could tell, for sure. It was like, wow, how can you say that to a stranger? I think most people, especially predatory ones like this old bat, can tell. They can pick up on the fact that we are not like them. I get along well with other autists very well. I wish I had a autistic friend, maybe try to start there. We are generally more relatable with people like us than the people who don't have autism. It's hard to be alive, you have to take it a little at a time. I tried to reach out for support recently and had a girl come after me and tell me that it's my fault I don't have any friends, because I said she was being incredibly rude (and she was). I think it's best to just stay away from most people.



GreenL3aves
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30 Jun 2022, 7:28 am

KitLily wrote:
I was bullied at work, the worst place was an animal charity of all places! The other workers in my department were public school girls. (by that I mean they had been to posh, paid for, exclusive schools) Whereas I was just a normal, state school girl. So they were very, very adept at jostling for position in the hierarchy, using passive aggression to browbeat others etc. Very odd and not what I expected from an animal charity. I had the last laugh though. They pushed me out of my job and I got the best job I've ever had after that. Also they wanted me back after my replacement was 'kind of stupid'. My reply was no. Haha.

Also I was bullied by posh people in baby/toddler groups when I had my daughter. I wasn't 'good enough' because I was only a teaching assistant whereas they were doctors, lawyers, headteachers etc.

It always seems to be the posh people who are the bullies...hm...wonder why...


My family is wealthy and I don't have desire to bully people. I guess our culture really does want wealthier people to appear and act a certain way so it does contribute to the bullying. My own conclusion, not to deny your experiences at all, are that people in positions of authority are usually problematic. Not necessarily a wealth thing. I used to make my teachers furious for being smarter and more knowledgeable than they were



KitLily
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30 Jun 2022, 12:57 pm

GreenL3aves wrote:
KitLily wrote:
It always seems to be the posh people who are the bullies...hm...wonder why...


My family is wealthy and I don't have desire to bully people. I guess our culture really does want wealthier people to appear and act a certain way so it does contribute to the bullying. My own conclusion, not to deny your experiences at all, are that people in positions of authority are usually problematic. Not necessarily a wealth thing. I used to make my teachers furious for being smarter and more knowledgeable than they were


Yes, people in positions of authority are usually problematic. Posh people aren't necessarily wealthy, but they usually think they are superior, even if they haven't got any money.


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Sailon
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17 Aug 2022, 3:43 pm

I think sometimes they will find any little differences in others just to have an excuse to bully others.



CockneyRebel
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23 Aug 2022, 12:32 am

DesertWoman wrote:
It never ends. It might get a little better for brief periods, but until there is more legislation and awareness, autistic people will continue to miss out on life.


That's the thing and it can get to be a real drag.


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KitLily
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23 Aug 2022, 4:42 am

I'm sure I've said this before, but we must remember:

Humans are extremely efficient and aggressive PREDATORS. If there is nothing else to prey on, they will start preying on each other.


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Summer_Twilight
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23 Aug 2022, 7:55 am

Kitlily:

One of the ways that one can identify a bully is by their facial expressions. For example, they will put on a big smile that looks evil and sneaky.

Other things, people will be nice to your face when you pay them a compliment but as soon as they walk away, they tear your kindness to shred.



Texasmoneyman300
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23 Aug 2022, 9:47 am

Iraviva wrote:
I now only one way, and that’s stand up for yourself. Don’t back down.

I look… fragile. I’m not. I’ve met several potential bullies: most attempts had very pathetic ends. Others didn’t, for lack of time preventing me to fully prove my point.

As a child, I was truly mean in return. Unnecessary mean. And I had a lot of creativity in doing so… It was a game. A quite engaging one, to be honest. And, in my view, it was perfectly justified: they started it. So I found some victims. They wanted to play, so, let’s play… I didn’t care about them anyway. I truly, deeply couldn’t care less. And I didn’t stop it when it was even.

As an adult, I’ve learnt not to become the bully in return. There’s a limit dictated by fairness in this: you should use just enough assertiveness to stop it, but not enough to start being them. Even as an adult, I never truly feel sorry for a bully. I am just using reasoning power to adjust my behavior to what I consider fair. This is an acquired skill.

Most bullies have been bullied themselves. So doing it to other people gives them a sense of security and empowerment. They’re not happy campers. There are many weaknesses they try to hide under the mask of being “the tough guy” or “the tough girl”. A normal, happy person doesn’t need this mask. A normal person has nothing to prove by causing pain. They are very vulnerable when you find what they try to hide.

One time I had a "friend"who was senior citizen.He called me one of the worst slurs in the dictionary to his family while I was on the phone with him.So I decided to stop talking to him and I ignored his calls for months and years.My mom loves to bully me by saying I play the autism card or disabled card.That senior citizen stopped being my friend the second I heard him bully me with that slur.But really he was a bully.I get bullied all the time for drinking in moderation and wanting to have a drink at restaurants.I get bullied all the time by my dad for drinking dr b and caffeine free root be.he has bullied me for wanting coffee and tea.

My dad bullies me by calling me a drunk and "lush" as a sick joke when I never got drunk once.My parents love to call me lazy all the time because of my disablity.



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23 Aug 2022, 11:52 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Kitlily:

One of the ways that one can identify a bully is by their facial expressions. For example, they will put on a big smile that looks evil and sneaky.

Other things, people will be nice to your face when you pay them a compliment but as soon as they walk away, they tear your kindness to shred.


I'll bear that in mind, I hadn't noticed that :)

I suppose we might hear them talking about us after they walk away but we might not?


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I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.