New connection bailing over my invitation requirements

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,721

25 Nov 2022, 6:13 pm

Originally, a new connection was going to come to my Friendsgiving potluck. Basically, I made the turkey and a few other things. Additionally, I made a list of items that I asked people to bring.

This connection originally planned on coming and was going to ride with another friend.

When my friend came over, she was no where to be found. When I asked, he explained that she texted him behind my back. She didn’t want to come anymore because she didn’t like what I was asking people to bring. She also didn’t bother to change her RSVP.

I mad at her for not communicating with me. Any thoughts?



DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,023
Location: PNW USA

25 Nov 2022, 6:17 pm

I'd be disappointed too. Once you accept an invitation, you go (unless you are ill, or there is a truly dire emergency.) If this new friend has food issues, the time to ask about the menu was before accepting the invitation.

At least you know more about this person's character than you did before.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,721

25 Nov 2022, 9:51 pm

Another friend of mine thought that she is carrying an attitude of entitlement.

I just know that I am not inviting her to any more of my things. Though I do give people plenty of opportunities, I am not inviting her to anymore things.

Honestly, I would have thought that bringing the pumpkin pie would be pretty straight forward.

Really the reason why I create that list every year is because it’s Thanksgiving and because my friends tend to bring the same thing.



DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,023
Location: PNW USA

26 Nov 2022, 4:29 pm

Another point might be that this person can't bake or doesn't like Pumpkin pie. (I have to admit I am not a fan). It might also help at future "potluck" style events to ask people to bring something from a category of foods (dessert, side, salad, etc.) rather than a specific Item. While it doesn't excuse this person, it may have made things easier. Being asked to bring something They can't or won't be eating does alter things a little. (not an excuse, but it may have made the invitation awkward for them)

And it is customary not to invite a guest that doesn't RSVP properly to the next event (or 2), but IF you might like this person, I wouldn't "ban" them outright for the first mistake or mis-step. Just be sure to be very clear about expectations with all your guests (especially newcomers) in future.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,721

26 Nov 2022, 5:48 pm

I get the feeling that she is not interested. Not only told my friend that she didn’t want to come, but she told him that she would go to someone that he invited her too.