How can I be likeable and/or seem confident?

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Suicidal_Vampire
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26 Mar 2024, 4:19 pm

I looked it up on wikiHow but this seems slightly less pathetic and probably more helpful. Just any tips that helped you as a (probably) socially awkward person.


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Summer_Twilight
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27 Mar 2024, 1:17 pm

When it comes to being confident, you don't want to be pretentious about it. Rather, find strategies and exercises where you learn to like yourself. For instance, learning to befriend your reflection and your shadow and starting to be kind to them. In the meantime, maybe go do some activities with them.

Meanwhile, you have to understand that everyone isn't going to like and accept you.



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27 Mar 2024, 1:27 pm

One thing that helped me, especially in dealing with group meetings or class presentations is this:

Generally, people do want to like other people. And they do have empathy for other people who struggle in situations we find difficult. At first, it might not help your confidence, but it might make you more at ease. It's a step in the right direction.

And if your around people that seem to intentionally make you feel insecure, I would deal with them as little as possible (if at all).


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autisticelders
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27 Mar 2024, 4:37 pm

I find people are generally very kind if I confess right at the beginning that I am very nervous or anxious about doing this (whatever it is). I think some confidence comes from just getting practice. The more we do anything the more likely we are to feel more comfortable doing it, feel more familiar and learn little things to help us as we get practice. Start with short times, and few people and work your way to longer times and larger groups. I find I still can't do large groups but can be find with 20 or less many times in situations such as class rooms or discussion groups where order is maintained (not just everybody talking at once). Being yourself is always the quickest way to be likeable, allow yourself to show your feelings, others will generally understand.


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Mona Pereth
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27 Mar 2024, 7:01 pm

Get involved in groups that focus on topics or activities that you personally are knowledgeable about.

Many of us are likely to find such groups easier to participate in than in the kinds of social settings where people just engage in random chitchat. And a social setting in which you can win respect for your skills and knowledge can help build confidence.

EDIT: It may also be helpful to participate groups that focus on topics or activities that you aren't especially knowledgeable about but have a strong desire to learn about. In such a setting, you can make conversation by asking on-topic questions, which again may be easier for many of us than random chit chat.

In either case, whether you attend a topic/activity-focussed group as an expert or as a newbie, having something to focus on besides just socializing per se can make things less awkward than many of us might feel in settings that revolve around socializing for its own sake.


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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 27 Mar 2024, 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

uncommondenominator
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27 Mar 2024, 7:05 pm

Likeability comes from being able to connect with others on their terms. You're not expected to connect with everyone on every level - just the people that matter, in the ways that matter. Who do you want to be liked by?

Confidence comes from experience.

There is no hard and fast shortlist of steps to perform to be likeable or seem confident.



bee33
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27 Mar 2024, 7:47 pm

I think that people like it when you show interest in them. Ask them about their interests and then ask follow up questions that come up regarding the things they say. You can also ask about their pets or their families, or ask where they are from. Those things are usually things that people like to talk about and that will give you a chance to ask more questions (without being overly intrusive, just casual questions to show that you are interested in getting to know them).

I don't think it's necessary to show confidence, especially if you don't actually feel it. It's okay to be a little awkward, it might even put people at ease to show your vulnerability, as long as it's not too much.



Suicidal_Vampire
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28 Mar 2024, 12:04 pm

Thanks for the advice, guys. The "be yourself" works most of the time, and I come off across weirder than I already am by trying too hard. I'm trying to work on confidence (which is definitely not like me), since I get made fun of for being shy and acting insecure.


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"You know, I have a doctor friend I think can help you."
EDWARD
"Really? I'd like to meet him."