singularity wrote:
My friend keeps inviting me to dinner at her house. I have been avoiding her, because she keeps asking me, even though I have told her I can't due to my anxiety.
I've had dinner with her twice before and I hated it. The first time, when I arrived, it was to find that she expected me to help her prepare the dinner. Her kitchen was tiny, and too hot, and I didn't know what to do, and it was also kind of dirty. The second time she invited another friend without telling me, someone I didn't know, so I was even more uncomfortable. She's not a very good cook and I ended up not eating very much.
I'd much rather go to a restaurant in the neighbourhood because I know what to expect if we go somewhere familiar, and it has a fixed routine, and length, so I know when I can politely leave.
I know that she likes to have dinner with her friends, but I much prefer just to have tea and a short talk and then leave. I like seeing her, I just hate having dinner with her. I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings.
Instead of telling her she's "not a very good cook," maybe say something like, "your and my food tastes differ too much, and, like many autistic people, I'm a picky eater. I'm sorry, but this is one of my sensory sensitivities."
Also it's probably best not to complain about her dirty kitchen.
Apart from that, though, I would suggest that you be honest with her about your reasons, including your need to limit in-person socializing time.
If you want to keep her as a friend,
don't avoid her. Do ask her to stop inviting you to do things you've already told her you don't want to do, and make sure she knows what you would prefer to do instead.
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24 May 2025, 10:28 am
