Is it possible to have friends if your NOT into "partyi

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nick007
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07 Jun 2010, 11:41 pm

I have very few friends offline but I would like some more. When I try talking to the couple friends I have offline or most people I know online about things; people start telling me that I should go to bars/clubs. I'm straight_edge thou & 1ce I tell em that; people do not know what to say. I've been getting the impression lately that people will only like me if I am into "partying" or if they are on something. I feel like a complete outsider & I would love to have some people offline who I could actually go to when I want to talk about something or do something but I feel like I'm wanting something that I could never have. The only places to go in my area are bars/clubs & casinos & I don't drive so transportation is a problem as well. I know other people here can probably relate to this so I'm wondering if there's any tips or something I may ov not thought of


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08 Jun 2010, 1:16 am

Yup you can definitely have (offline) friends without partying. I absolutely hate parties and avoid them as much as possible, the friends in have know this and they don't force me to go.

The only tip I can really think of is to maybe join some group or classes (ex; rock climbing) that are about things you enjoy. There you can meet people with the interests and not have to go to bars or clubs. I don't know the area where you live but I'm pretty sure if you go looking you can find somewhere besides bars or casinos to go to. Don't change yourself or force yourself to do something you don't enjoy. You'll just meet people you don't really have something in common with and will just get disappointed with the relationships that might occur


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08 Jun 2010, 1:32 am

nick007 wrote:
I have very few friends offline but I would like some more. When I try talking to the couple friends I have offline or most people I know online about things; people start telling me that I should go to bars/clubs. I'm straight_edge thou & 1ce I tell em that; people do not know what to say. I've been getting the impression lately that people will only like me if I am into "partying" or if they are on something. I feel like a complete outsider & I would love to have some people offline who I could actually go to when I want to talk about something or do something but I feel like I'm wanting something that I could never have. The only places to go in my area are bars/clubs & casinos & I don't drive so transportation is a problem as well. I know other people here can probably relate to this so I'm wondering if there's any tips or something I may ov not thought of


I hate "partying" bars, and clubs, and most of the people I know do not frequent these events or places.

Even my completely NT, very social sister didn't care for these places.

Try a meetup group.



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08 Jun 2010, 6:18 am

Classes or social groups in your area of interest work well.



CaptainTrips222
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08 Jun 2010, 12:20 pm

Why would it not be possible? It's tougher to find nuerotypical friends like that, but it's possible.



nick007
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09 Jun 2010, 7:50 am

There's not any kind of classes here I'm interested in. Things are stressful here rite now cuz of the oil spill. I live in south Louisiana. I was in a support group a few years ago for bipolar. I had a bad depression & anxiety issues. I was the youngest one there by more than a few years but I liked it but we broke up cuz of lack of members. I think a few people wer moving away or wer getting busy with work. I've been looking for similar things but the support groups I hear about are for drug & alcohol additions. I thought about a charity thing to but I haven't had luck finding anything close.


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09 Jun 2010, 8:26 am

I have a couple of good Friends, a woman who has been a sort of 'Mentor', and HER Husband who is allowing Me to use His Laptop, She goes down to the deck to throw small 'Parties' on various Holidays.While She does 'Drink', She Understands that I Do Not.However, in and of My self,I would not go to ANY PARTY,by My self,most ciertainly Never step foot into Nightclub, taverna, or 'Bar! Most ciertanly its possible to have/ make Friends. If You can locate a Book store,there's many different People there with many different interests. A Library is also good. I've no idea how good of a Bussing system You have at your locality, but perhaps You could ask some one that You know who also knows the area? :sunny:



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09 Jun 2010, 2:10 pm

To be honest, I like a sober party, so long as it involves a big dance floor and some good music. After a stressful week, dancing helps me get alot of the negativity out of my system - even though my feet and legs are very sore at the end of the party, due to my Cerebral Palsy.

You might want to try meeting someone who lives in your area via the internet. After getting to know each other, you could meet up. I've done this before with online friends, but I must warn you to BE CAUTIOUS. The person may be lying about themselves, so that they can get something from you.
There are also groups - such as 4H, or Big Brothers, Big Sisters - that you could attend. You could be the leader of 4H, or a helper, and you may get to know people that way. Same goes for Big Brothers, Big Sisters as well.


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Francis
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09 Jun 2010, 9:03 pm

In my experience no, you can not have friends without partying. I had a couple drinking buddies for about three years. Once I tired of the drinking, they we're gone. They we're the only friends I ever had. So apparently I can not have friends without drinking.



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10 Jun 2010, 3:49 am

Of course you can. You can go hiking with your friends, play board games with them, watch weird movies with them, or simply sit around having good conversations.

I'm an AS "party girl" which is weird in and of itself but whatever. I wish I knew more people with AS that were into partying.



Last edited by TheHaywire on 10 Jun 2010, 3:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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10 Jun 2010, 3:51 am

I have one friend in RL and for me that one friend is better than ten fake ones. And neither of us want anything to do with partying.


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10 Jun 2010, 3:57 am

Sorry if I'm hijacking this thread but why is partying an activity reserved for the mundane? Why does your IQ need to be low to enjoy going out and having fun? Why can't you party as you engage in your special interests? People will make fun of us but so what? They'll make fun of us whether we go out or not. Go out, be intelligent, be eccentric, and rock. There have to be places besides bars and casino's in your area. What about sci-fi conventions? Those are some great parties. Can I ask what interests you?



lease29
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10 Jun 2010, 6:02 am

nick007 wrote:
I have very few friends offline but I would like some more. When I try talking to the couple friends I have offline or most people I know online about things; people start telling me that I should go to bars/clubs. I'm straight_edge thou & 1ce I tell em that; people do not know what to say. I've been getting the impression lately that people will only like me if I am into "partying" or if they are on something. I feel like a complete outsider & I would love to have some people offline who I could actually go to when I want to talk about something or do something but I feel like I'm wanting something that I could never have. The only places to go in my area are bars/clubs & casinos & I don't drive so transportation is a problem as well. I know other people here can probably relate to this so I'm wondering if there's any tips or something I may ov not thought of


I believe you can have friends if you aren't into bars and clubs or into partying. There could be a club you could join if you have a particular interest or go online to make friends. A lot of people meet their partners that way and also make a few friends in the process.

I myself have had people tell me to go to bars and clubs and sort of blow me off when I say I'm not into that so if you can find another way of making friends instead of the bar/party scene.

Also there may be night classes in your area where you can meet people if you have a hobby.



nick007
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10 Jun 2010, 6:50 am

We don't have a public transportation system here & I'm not books. I daydream & zone-out so much it takes me a long time to read. Most of my interest are listening to music & doing things on computer. I've been looking online to find people around here but lots of em are into partying. We do not have scifi conventions & stuff here. A lot of people have recommended I leave this area but it's not an option for me at the moment & probably won't be unless I have someone else I could stay with.

I don't mind you hijacking this thread TheHaywire; I hijack threads myself fairly often 8O I don't feel smart at all. I never had an IQ test but I had lots of academic problems. I feel I'm stupid enough without getting drunk or high; people already think I'm slow. I used to drink occasionally years ago & I don't think I ever been drunk or anything but it has some short-term negative effects on me; I had problems with tremors & slurring after 2 or 3 beers. I have a tremor disorder thou where I sometimes shake when I'm nervous or doing something with fine motor-skills & research I've done says alcohol can make it much worse. Also with my history of mental problems I should really avoid illegal drugs like the plague. Prescription meds caused lots of really bad side-effects for me when I was on em & I've heard lots of horror stories about illegal drugs from the bipolar support group & other friends online. Years ago I was close to a girl who had some drug & alcohol issues & there wer lots of problems. I couldn't get her to quit & if I would turn to that stuff; I would be betraying the one thing that truly mattered to me. It's also why I don't want to be around others who are into that; I do have friends online & all who are really into that & I won't preach to em about quitting or anything but I would not want to be around em while they wer doing it & I don't think I could handle a relationship with someone who's into that.



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10 Jun 2010, 6:55 am

You are my friend, friend... even if you have a sparkly-eyed view on human nature.


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10 Jun 2010, 7:11 am

You say you like listening to music and playing on your computer. What about going to an electronic music concert? Best of both worlds... music and computers. You don't need to get drunk or high to party. I view partying as enjoying yourself and having fun. It says that you're in Louisiana. How far are you from New Orleans? There are lots of other people into music and technology there who throw events I think you'd enjoy. Are you on LiveJournal? You can search for anyone who shares your interests in your city. It's how us Aspie's used to meet each other back in the day. Say you are into underground hip-hop and PC Games. You can do a search on everyone in your city into underground hip-hop and PC games.

I've been in your position before. What city are you in and what are the topics that interest you? I'll connect you to some people if you'd like.

Not all people who share your interests are people who you'll get along with (I learned this the hard way) but it's a start. Meeting like-minded people you know? We're everywhere.