Not inviting a negative peer to a party

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During Christmas Day, I invited over some friends who I consider family. I also invited over a person with a brain injury since he has no family and lives in my area. I have gotten together with him several times and noticed that he is extremely negative in that he talks about how something is wrong with other people, including myself and my friends. Most of his talk centers around his roommate who also has Asperger's like myself whom I have known for 7 years. His comments often include that he is a "Screw up," or a "Whack Job," and "Idiot. He also never seems to talk about anything positive about this person by also mentioning that he is so screwed up that he is incapable of being a human. So, I finally tried to ask him to stop doing that around me nicely but he insisted that he could talk anyway that he wanted and kept trying to convince me how low functioning he was because he lived with him and I didn't. So, I told him that he could not come over anymore if he was going to continue to talk like that. He responded by saying, "Very well!"

Flashing foward to this weekend, I will be throwing a gathering for the Superbowl which is something I do every year. I decided not to invite him and did not add him to my evite or let alone call him when creating my guest list two weeks ago. So, He decided to call me last night and leave a message asking if I was going to have a party since he had nothing else to do that evening and whether he was invited. I called back and told him that I am having a party but I had opted not to invite him this time because I felt that he always seemed to be negative and was always bashing other people behind their backs. I also mentioned that I could afford to be around that kind to behavior at this point in time. I then said I had to go since my cell phone was dying and since I didn't want to hear any of his attitude.

Did I handle myself well or was a rude?

You can invite whoever you want to your social functions.

^agreed!

personally, i don't do white lies (cell phone dying)... i like to tell the truth as nicely as possible.

You already told him that he was being too negative.... so you gave him fair warning.

I didn't tell him that my cell was dying but I just said that I couldn't be around him because I felt that he was negative and hung up before he said anything. I had also happened to be disgusted that I didn't invite him, and he had the nerve to try and invite himself at the last minute. I had a very hard time saying, "No," and that he wasn't invited because I didn't want to sound like a mean girl.

I'd say you did fine. I probably would have just stopped after saying that I felt that he was too negative, and I would not have said more, but that's my style. I don't think that you were out of line, because you already clearly indicated that you did not want him around; some people just don't understand "no", until you make it extremely, painfully, obvious.

It was probably a good thing just to cut him off at that point. If you had continued the conversation, there is a good chance that you would have ended up allowing him to come.

I almost did when I heard him trust me but I chose to stick to my guns. I am not interested in people who do not care about respecting your opinion or feelings. I had told him many times not to talk like that around me but he didn't seem to do both of the above and this was through out the year. The Christmas party was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I mean, my casual friend who lives with him isn't a screw up, I know that for a fact. He has many social deficits and hasn't been taught very many social skills although he is pretty good at being polite. It's more that he doesn't understand that he shouldn't do things a certain way since he doesn't often pick up on certain cues. I have tried explaining that to his roommate who makes him sound like a catastrophe and that he is a terror to the neighborhood and to the American culture. However, it never seemed to peek through.

Ya done good

Thanks for your full advice everyone. I again had a hard time trying to say "No" to him on the phone. It was also very hard to tell someone that I was throwing a get together and they were not invited. I didn't want to sound like the people who told me that I couldn't go to something and everyone else could. However, I am not going to be a doormat and allow someone to enter my home and ruin things for everyone else by bashing someone constantly and then cut myself and my other friends down.

I have other friends who do not like him and were never too thrilled that I invited him to my things because of his attitude. However, they knew that I felt sorry for him and didn't say anything to me about not wanting him around. They told me that they didn't feel comfortable getting together with him because they didn't like what he had to say.

I have often wished to say to people:

"There are 7 billion people on the planet. I will never have anything to do with 99.9999999% of them.
I want you to be one of them."

Seriously, we only have time to associate with a few family members and friends.

So we shouldn't let jerks into our personal space. Life is too short.

Mmm, can be a jerk myself and you are right. However, he is very insecure and abusive. As my counselor was saying, it was like he was barging himself into the house and the party. She said that there was not other way to mention it since he was being verbally abusive. She also mentioned that I was pushing back to let him know where I stood.

I think I agree with you and I feel awful that I even considered inviting him the very first place and now I am discovering that I have to reject him and that's even worse.

I talked to my counselor and then two of my friends, and all agreed that his behavior of inviting himself over like that was unacceptable.