Interacting with the deaf

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I was watching something on deafness last night on PBS, and it got me thinking about the interactions I've had with people who are deaf. Without exception, every experience I've had with a deaf person has been quite bad: they invariably seem suspicious and exasperated by me, and I always end up feeling that they don't like me (--and I've been told as much, also, on at least one occasion).

Now, I give off a very negative vibe to NTs, already. So I'm starting to think that AS exacerbates problems in social interaction with the deaf, since my gestures, facial expressions, tone, thought patterns, etc. are out of sync with the NT behavior they've learned, and I can't read them at all. The opportunities to deepen social interaction I leverage with NTs (by recognizing my limitations, adapting, and trying to communicate at some level) seem less readily availble with the deaf, since it relies on a different plane of communication.

I'd be curious to know if any other aspies have had similar experiences, or have any thoughts on the subject.

Thats a good point. I went to school with a deaf boy, and he made fun of me all the time.. Really derogratory stuff too!

Try being AS and deaf. I was diagnosed a few years ago with a degeneratory genetic hearing disease. There's a history of it in my family and over the years as I age I'll eventually lose more and more of my ability to hear in both ears until I'm completely deaf by the time I'm forty years old, or so. There are some new technologies in the area of cochlear implants which should allow me to hear some things like speech, but that's beside the point.

In a way, the deaf suffer the same sort of social issues that Aspies suffer, exagurated by their inability to hear. Tone of voice, wording, sarcasms, and all sorts of other things are completely lost upon the deaf as it is, usually, with us. Things are taken literally, and humor is a hard thing to understand. As aspies we should understand better than average how frustrating something like this is. One would think that such an understanding or connection would help aspies socialize with the deaf.

Perhaps you've just had some bad luck.

Deaf people rely heavily on non-verbal communication. I used to work with all sorts of handicapped people and I had a hard time relating to the deaf. They even made fun of me using ASL.

I too am more than a little deaf. It is hard working out what problems are from being deaf, and what is from AS. If I were not deaf, would know instantly if I am Aspergerian or not. The people that I know that ARE deaf are universally desperate for attention and affection. I am not.

I've interacted with Deaf patients before. Many of them can lip read, but I have trouble understanding them. They're usually pretty understanding about that and are happy to pass notes if needed.

One of my roommates in college had a Deaf boyfriend, and he'd always call on TDD. It was awkward at first, but I got used to using TDD, so in the event I need to use it at work I feel OK about it. He spoke very clearly though, so I never asked him to write anything down. He'd complain about professors turning their back while lecturing when he hung out at our house, so I sort of felt like it was a good thing that I'd learned the do's and don'ts of dealing with the Deaf on this guy - saved me from a lot of future social unpleasantness.

I also found out yesterday that my cleaning lady is Deaf. I wouldn't have known that from talking to her - I mean, she has a regular phone w/o TDD so maybe she has a hearing aid or cochlear implant or something like that. Anyway, she mentioned that in the course of saying that my house smelled very good for a household with cats and told me that her sense of smell is extremely sensitive due to her deafness. Otherwise I'd have never known.

I have only ever known 2 deaf people.. I worked with one of them and he seemed nice enough. There was no awkwardness I think he probably liked being alone too so there was little communication with him.

My other friend I only have online in a game and I didnt know until I was asking her if she could hear the music I set up in a game so she told me. Ever since then I avoid mentioning anything about music because I am afraid to upset her. I didnt realize how much I ask people if they like some music or can hear noises in game probably because music is the only thing I have in common with all people. I do remember when she first told me she still likes to dance and can feel the music beat so maybe I shouldnt avoid that subject totally but I dont say just incase because she seems a little sensitive.

Tensho - I wouldn't avoid the subject totally. Deaf people actually appreciate music in their own way. When I was playing with one orchestra, we actually played a concert at the New York School for the Deaf and the students sat between the players to feel the various vibrations. Some of the students could hear the string bass or picollo, so being able to hear anything was really exciting to them. So, I don't think that it would make her feel bad if you ask her about how she listens to / experiences music, since Deaf people do experience it - just differently.

I have only really interacted with one completely deaf person...he works at the post office, and there is always a pad of paper in front of him so that you can write things to him. The most sign language I know is just the alphabet, and a few stray word signs here and there...so one day I decided to try signing (Spelling out words...the slow way) to him, because there was no line and it wouldn't hold anyone up. He got really really exited when I did.

There's also a man at my church who, for the longest time I thought was deaf. I recently learned that he was just mute.

That'll teach you not to whisper bad things about them.

I just saw a movie (Babel) and there was a deaf-mute girl in it. Anyway, she was seriously messed up in the head. I didn't feel sorry for her at all because of a lot of her actions. If you've seen the movie, you'll know what I mean!

I don't find this at all...most of my friends are deaf in fact (I think in part because they are more accepting of differences in others than most). I hate using Sorenson (videophone) to talk to them but apart from that they've been there for me more than any other friends I've ever had, even when I push them away. (Although they do make fun of my signing sometimes because it's hard for me to mimic movements!)

I remember being on a train once; a group of schoolchildren got on. I don't like the noise these large groups of kids usually make so i was not too happy.
After a few minutes i suddenly realised something was very strange: there was no noise.
They were deaf. I watched them for a time and they played around with each other same as 'normal' kids; using there sign language and very little noise.
I thought they were cool.
Best bunch of kids i shared a train with.

The last deaf person I interacted with was a very frustrating experience. She spoke, so I didn't know she was deaf at first. I was talking to her and she completely ignored me so I thought she was being very rude and unprofessional (this was at work), then I found out she was deaf and I felt really stupid. But still, even when she knew I was speaking to her (she was looking at me as I spoke) she completely ignored me and made no move to try to communicate with me. The other thing that annoyed me, though this is off-topic, was that we were working with a woman who could not speak because she had an ET tube, so could only mouth words. I hoped this deaf person who could read lips would help with communication, but she didn't even try.

That was just one bad apple, I think. I would never generalize that to the whole deaf community.

But yeah, I think this was especially hard for me to deal with because of my AS.