Does anyone feel this way about eye contact?

Post Reply New Topic

My stepfather is a big eye-contact person. He thinks if someone doesn't look you in the eyes, that they are not listening.

I usually can't look people in the eyes because I feel it is kinda aggressive, kinda like an animal feels probably.(Like in the wild, usually eye contact is either the alpha trying to stare down the other parts of the pack, or they are gonna rumble.)

I can look at my cats in the eyes without a problem, because they are not the same size as me, and I'm higher up on the "chain of command". Since my brother is the same "Rank" as I am, I have no problem with that, either. People with more "power" then me, I cannot look in the eyes. Or with people I don't know well. Sometimes I can't make eye contact with my mom.

I CAN make eye contact with my dad, because I don't live with him, and I consider him to be a bit eccentric anyway, so I just nod my head and roll my eyes when he's focused on something else. He's cool though. And he can usually be reasoned with. Maybe it's because when he was young, he was the Rock-and-roller, and he did smoke weed, and drink. He thinks that if my brother is in an unsupervised party, he'll knock back a couple beers.(My brother is 15) But I Digress...

And of course, with my stepfather, almost never.


If you have issues with eye contact, what do you feel when you do, and are there exceptions?

Usually just feel discomfort. I don't stay looking at the person's eyes for long, more like in brief bursts every so often. Not sure if that is for my own comfort, or to let them know every so often I am really paying attention. I don't always do it though. If someone's irritating me, or I want to be left alone, I just don't bother with the eye contact. Saves me discomfort, causes them discomfort, and after a few minutes of them just....standing there (I never got that, people just stand in my room as if they want something, then leave after a couple minutes, I guess because they didn't get what they wanted) they leave.

Definitely have issues. Very uncomfortable. And I run into problems, because a lot of times women assume, since I'm not looking up at their eyes, that I'm staring at their boobs.

Is *that* what they were really doing?

I'm terrible with eye contact, it's agonizing. I used to try but I don't any more. It's one of my worst problems with people.

I can't stand looking people in the eyes but i can watch there lips and a lot of people don't seem to notice the difference.

Fortunately, my best friend doesn't mind me staring at her breasts...

I used to look at peoples mouths instead but I heard that people look at others mouths if they wish to kiss them. Now I am not sure where to look

I've trained myself over many years to keep eye contact.
when I was in 6th grade, the principal called me into her office and had a police officer interrogate me because they thought I was on drugs just because I was different. I was unable to keep eye contact with him, but he insisted that I do so....so I did, and it made my eyes burn and water. Of course, to them, my eyes being so red just reinforced theiretheory that I was high.
Story of my life.
So, since then, I have trained myself by staring into people's eyes for long periods, so as to kind of desensitize myself. It's only minimally uncomfortable now. However, I can pay much better attention to what a person is saying if I can just listen to them, rather than focusing all of my attention on keeping eye contact.

i dont do eye contact. i try and just cant do it because is is too hard. so i look not at there eyes, i just look away.

I read that somewhere
Looking at people's noses sometimes works for me.

I can quickly glance at peoples eyes when they are talking to me, but I just can't hold that eye contact without starting to feel awkward. It just doesn't feel natural to hold eye contact, it feels aggressive, as you said.

Me too. But some of the people think I'm staring at their crooked teeth or poor dental hygiene or whatever. Twice now I've had people start covering their mouth with their hand!

I usually try to find a reasonably plausible excuse to divert my gaze, like fiddling with a pencil and casually watching it.
_____________________________________________________________________________

"Do not engage us in further irrelevant discourse." Seven of Nine

It makes me feel quite uncomfortable, but I have learnt how important it is in the world so I have gone against my inner feelings. Whether true or not, people believe it means understanding, honesty, listening etc. I want to make a good impression on people, especially those who don't know me.

*Sigh*...the things we have to do to be 'normal'.

I don't have a problem with this too much...I did when I was a child...but my grandmother and my father both stressed the importance of eye contact to me from the time I was about 4. Especially my grandmother she picked up on it right away, and kept tellling me how important it was...because her mom I believe had done the same with her.

If I'm actually listening to the person I usually end up staring down at the ground or at a random point on their body (which of course can be misinterpreted - the problem is that I never realize what I'm doing). Usually I can stand to stare at the person's face but then I start thinking about their freckles or the shape of their nose instead of what they're saying :/

I have to do my usual disclaimer of I don't even know if I have AS, so I have no idea if this is an AS thing, or if everyone does it, or what, but...

I think I'm better than I used to be with eye contact, because I consciously think about what I should be doing, where I should be looking. I think it used to be really hard for me, but I kind of forced myself too.

If I'm in a long conversation it feels really weird, like I try to have eye contact, but I'm not sure how MUCH eye contact I'm supposed to have. I'll start feeling like they'll think I'm staring at them (plus it's still somewhat uncomfortable). So I kind of alternate between looking directly in their eyes, usually briefly, then more trying not to focus but still make it look like I'm looking at them. Then sometimes I'll like look down at a desk or something for a while. I try to make it look like it probably seems normal-I hope. I get REALLY conscious that I'm doing all that, trying to mix it up during long conversations, and I hope the other person doesn't think it's weird.

I don't know how to end conversations really either, so that's fun if the other person doesn't end it I try to kind of wrap up what we were talking about (a summary! ) when I think we're kind of done, but that doesn't always work right (I'm often thankful for interruptions!)