Are you very shy?

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Last edited by Ante on 09 Nov 2005, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Shyness is a defense mechanism. People who experience enough social failure eventually try to avoid socializing. We experience more than our share of social failure, so it's hardly surprising that many aspies would be shy.

It's reversible.

i'm not sure whether i'm shy (although i am an introvert, according to Myers-Briggs), or if i'm just paralysed by not knowing what to say when i first meet people. i get round this by DECIDING what's appropriate, and then watching people laugh at my outlandishness. works for me - i LIKE catching people out by coming from leftfield

I'm overwhelmingly shy when it comes to people I do not know well. I don't speak to anyone unless they speak to me first. There has been only one exception to the rule, and surprisingly, that friendship worked out well. I tend to be a very poor judge of character, and I often attract the type of person that wants to use me to make themselves feel better. Sometimes I wonder if I am walking around with a sign on my back that says "Doormat."

I usually just don't know what to say to people, and I have an aversion to looking at them unless I am very comfortable with them. I've been working on this, though, and I am slowly getting better.

I'm shy. Last year, there was this anime club at Media Play. My dad took me there because he wanted me to make some friends. I was very quiet, and I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they talked to me first. I wouldn't say much to them. I don't like to be around a lot of people that I don't know.

I'm painfully shy, and I only seem to be getting worse. I hate approaching people and starting conversations. Most of the time I can just quietly hang around on the outskirts of whatever social gathering I'm at, but I always feel like I stick out like a sore thumb at parties by not talking to anyone.

I am very shy. I am very shy when I meet new people. It makes me very nervous.

Throughout my life, I’ve been very passive and waited until others approached me rather than initiating contact myself. There have been some phases in my life where my shyness was more manageable, due to having a gateway friend present in social situations. Without a gateway friend present, I rarely attempted or succeeded at any social interaction and I was often ignored. I wonder now why I put myself in some of those situations.

Like ghotistix said, I have generally placed myself on the outskirts of social groups. At those times in the past, observing others (let us say, at a party) gave me the illusion that I was being social, when I really wasn't being social at all. It wasn’t until after the age of thirty years that I realized this.

As I age, I must admit that I find myself becoming not just shyer, but increasingly avoidant.

There is one thing that worries me some. That is, I feel that the longer I go without socializing, due to my shyness and progressively avoidant nature, the more difficult it will become to adapt to any social situation I may encounter in the future.

I can seem shy when around a group of people because I find that kind of situation confusing; my brain doesn't seem to process all the visual and auditory inputs correctly, and I never know when people are talking to me, nor can I follow the conversation for long, so I either avoid those situations or say nothing when I'm in them.

In contrast, when I'm with just one or two people, and it's a work related subject, then I can appear very confident. I don't go out my way to avoid that kind of interaction, as long as I know it's on my terms.

All my life I've been told by my parents or girlfriends that I'm just shy, and should make more of an effort. That's always pissed me off.

Hell, I could of written that, except it's not so much the shyness, but acceptance that I just can't get on with people, and even if I come somewhere near, then I get bored with them and would rather be doing something on my own. I can go a whole week or more without speaking to anyone; I have absolutely zero social contact with humanity IRL. Funny thing is, I enjoy it much of the time, but the isolation makes me feel vulnerable because I know I'm losing the hard-won, though basic, social skills I developed during my 20's.

people..... tee hee hee...

In unfamiliar social situations I tend to either clam up completely and don't say a word to anybody, or else I tend to be a bit on the brash and abrasive side (accidentally butting into conversations, not making small talk, giving overly honest responses to people, etc.).

I really don't know if I'm shy or not overall. It's not that I really want to socialize and interact with people but I'm too afraid. In most cases I simply have nothing to talk about with them and, unlike most people, don't care to talk merely for the sake of talking.

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Last edited by Ante on 09 Nov 2005, 4:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to think so and I'm sure I can seem shy in some situations.

However:

I think with me though it is more about being concious of getting things wrong.

I like to get things right and once I have mastered a situation I don't feel shy about it at all.

For example:

I have played piano in front of a couple of hundred people / I have also delivered presentations / I have also played on stage with a band when I was young / I can chair meetings and stand up for myself when I need to.

~ ask me to socialise though and I'm completely lost / put me in a polite dinner party and I'm really 'up s**t creek without a paddle'.

It depends. If I have no particaular reason for being in a place then I am quite shy, and wanting to get the heck out. If I have a reason for being someplace, I am very agressive and not shy at all.

I am very shy. I worry so much about saying the wrong thing that I end up saying nothing at all.

I am as Asparval describes.

I hate formal gatherings and usually avoid them or leave at the earliest opportunity.

Socialising informally with groups of people I don't know causes me some anxiety, mostly because I can't keep up with the conversation and struggle to find something to say, or to concentrate on what is being said.

Socialising with one person that I don't know I find extremely difficult, at least in a group situation I don't have to maintain my side of a conversation, I will come across as quiet rather than 'weird' or 'slow' (in the other person's view). In social gatherings I avoid being in one to one conversations by sticking with larger groups.

Socialising with one person that I know and am friends with is OK, they have asked me to spend time with them because they like me and accept me as I am, and will not judge me.

Socialising with a group of people that I know well is fun and even though I struggle sometimes to involve myself in the conversation in an appropriate manner, I know many people who appreciate my rather offbeat humour and observations about life and the universe. These social occassions I find enjoyable.

I have spoken in front of hundreds of people. As long as there is no expectation of questions from the audience and I have time beforehand to put some structure to what I want to say, I don't get nervous. I've also sung and played in a band in front of an audience, which I really enjoy.

I have, in the past, come across as shy. I do still come across as shy in situations where I am uncomfortable, meeting new people, or unable to keep up. But I am not shy.