Flaky People

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Dear All

I've just lost a friendship with a total flake. (I'm not in a bad mood over it. I've got a much stronger social base then I used to.) So how do you prevent getting involved with flakes, and when should you call it quits?

Thanks!

Define "flake"..

I'm a flake due to my anxiety. I wish people wouldn't take it so personal. Nobody seems to understand or care if I tell them about it. I guess you could just stop hanging out with them, and any flakes you may know later you could do the same... I don't think there's any way to avoid meeting them as flakey people do not have a certain look. Call it quits when it gets out of hand.

In my book, a flake is someone who never answers your phone calls, never replies to your emails, etc. They also have a magical excuse for not doing things with you.

I am going through a situation just like this.

I know how you feel. All the people I've asked in person say that I should ignore them. Would any of you agree?

In my case, my friend lives two hours away.

She used to e-mail me every day, but now it's once a month. She says she's "too busy" to answer my e-mails sooner than that, yet she is on mySpace nearly every day.

Personally, I think MySpace has the same effect as crack cocaine--it totally consumes peoples' lives.

For me, my friend only talked to me when there was no one else to talk to, and at debates. But as soon as he had the opprotunity to talk with other people, I was pretty much dead to him. Despite what people tell me, I refuse to use mySpace. I opened one back on 11 May 2008. The next day, my computer crashed from a virus. It took us two months to get a replacement, which is an incrediably (if not strangely organised) Windows Vista.

As for the friend, I've realised that he's done me like this forever. And that I've done my hardest to not be flaky to him. So wafl on his part, I guess.

Perhaps you and this person weren't really even friends in the first place.

I think we were. He once told me about his mom's family being full of drug addiction, and how disgusted he was by that side of his family history. At one time, we could talk about any and every thing. I seriously and honestly have no idea why he's got like this. But he can shove it as far as I'm concerned.

My friend went from being open and friendly, to being antisocial, and acting as if she had something to hide.

Same here! I'm thinking about adopting a zero-tolerance policy towards flakes in the future. How about you?

I'm considering letting her know that I now expect a response within 24 hours when I send her an e-mail.

When someone is your friend, they feel the need/desire to contact you often. If they don't, they're not your friends.

Bad move. That comes across as pretty demanding.

Just tell her you understand she's busy but when a friend doesn't return messages often, you start to wonder if you're even still friends.

Thanks for the advice, Greentea.

Tim, that approach may backfire. I've done the same thing in the past, and it just seems to alienate people. But since I don't know her, it could work for you. Hope it does.