Hyperborean wrote:
nerdy girl wrote:
I agree that NTs seem to think that "respect" means agreeing with them, etc. I have been thinking a lot lately about where my "friendships" have gone wrong. Someone here on WP a couple of months ago made a comment about how people think that offering a different opinion or disagreeing with someone often is seen as a personal attack. Oh, it all made sense!
While all I want to do is make a counter-statement, the other person thinks I am making a negative statement about him/her.
I do, however, think all people deserve to be treated with dignity & respect. I try to start out respecting others, but people can lose my respect. Even then, I try to treat those people civilly. Trust, on the other hand, must be earned.
This has often been my experience too, although I'm BAP and have NT as well as Aspie traits. Much social interaction between neurotypicals is based on consensus or the lowest common denominator, which makes for very bland conversations. And many people who see different views as a personal attack are usually not slow to criticise others. Such double standards, even hypocrisy, are regular features of NT relationships.
Everyone thinks they are the ones who are right. AS/NT, both. I get that. The issue is when people disagree. NT people seem to think that a disagreement signals the end of a relationship (I don't know how these people stay married!). But, from what I have seen here on WP, to people with ASD, disagreements indicate that the person disagreeing
must have an inferior intellect. Either way, it's annoying.
Disagreements should allow for civil exchanges of information and discussion where, even if the persons involved do not come to a mutual agreement, they understand each other much better and their view of the world is expanded. Too often, I see BOTH NTs and ASD'ers
completely rejecting out of hand the view point of the other person. No questions asked, just judgment. Judgment about a person's character (NT) or intellect (AS). No attempt to truly understand, just to "tell it like it is", or at least they way
they think it is.
In the NT world, I have heard more times than I can count that I'm irresponsible, lazy, rude, disrespectful, weird, etc. But in all my life, I have never been called stupid (indirectly and even outright) more than I have been here on WP.
I see hypocrisy and double-standards here on WP, too, though the conversation tends to not be so bland. At a basic level, humans are humans.
Yes, I think you're right (and certainly not stupid). If I had to choose, I prefer to judge people on their intellect rather than their social attributes. But then my neurodiverse score leans more to the Aspie side than the NT, so I suppose I would say that.
04 Jul 2015, 6:36 am
