"Go out!! !! !"."Be more confident". "

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I used to hear s**t like this all the time when I was in school

These days the only people I speak to are family and tutors ( ), so don't really get it anymore

My family do encourage me to go out more, but that actually makes sense as they help me and I'm capable of it now

omg that's so true they just don't get it, you can't just go out and start to make friends. It takes more effort on our part. It's like the nts are just born with confidence.

It's just that easy. Be more confident, get out there, make freinds, get laid, marry someone, have a dozen children wile working a power-position in a fast moving company!


*Snickers*


Y'know, it's kind of strange that the very nature of an irrational disposition defies the very nature of what rationality says should be happening. If you really get into it, you could knit-pick some minor flaw of theirs. Racism can become irrational. Hate. The need to gossip and belittle others to be part of a crowd. Collecting specific things is irrational. Trust can be irrational. Distrust all the same. It is a weird kind of programming, yah?

People are just.. eugh. Idiots. Jerks. Inconsiderate. Even when they try to help, sometimes.

I have one NT friend in Winnipeg, Manitoba who I met online and who I also got to meet in person.He likes me for who I am and even after meeting me in person, he still talks to me and respects me for who I am.The 16 hour drive out to Winnipeg was well worth it.
I met other people online on various other forum sites but havent met them in person, except for 1 older guy from the US who lives in the same city as me (Red Deer).He was a jerk and after realizing I was different, rejected me and said he never liked me anyway.

I go out as much as I can.In Red Deer, the only people who talk to me are....the bartenders, my college instructors (they are happy with how well I am doing in school), and my landlady.It gets frustrating when I cant seem to retain any real friends in Red Deer, but I am stubborn and will keep going out until I do make friends here in Red Deer.

I agreee with desomoni. I am 37 and I despite the fact that I was terrified of people and didnt talk for years I finally made myself go out. Sometimes It really is a matter of just imitiating or coyping or maybe getting with someone more social and hanging with them. Someone that doesnt mind being the social director. I admit, however, I dont really have a group of friends. There is still that weird thing that happens where I think Im doing such a good job being friendly but the phone never rings!! Very painful to be sure. However, the pain of staying home sometimes is greater than thepain of not being out in the world. I know that I dont really have friends. I have acquaintences that I can call and chat and that helps. I try to be very concious of what im saying. Also, my advice is that its OKAY to not have to go to bars and clubs with people getting drunk or otherwise. Its not worth becoing an alcoholic just to say you went out. I drank to be social and it got out of hand. If i was drunk, if i said something stupid then i could just blame it on that. There are so many special inerest groups. The meetups are one way. Some of them are very specialized. Go out. plan something that you think you can handle and just do it! I think youll feel better. I often do. I highly recommend avoiding the bar scene for a first outing and you dont have to be clever and witty.

I agree with you there. No one understands how difficult socializing really is. I've never been able to figure out the right way to do it. Either I'm too quiet or I'm annoying. It's like any times I do socialize, I somehow annoy people with my demeanor and personality or somehow say the wrong things so that's why most times I don't even bother and I tend to stay alone and not socialize at all. It's a lose lose situation. I can choose to never socialize but be content or socialize but somehow not be liked in someway or to embarrass myself.

Yeah the be more confident advice gets annoying because theres soo much more to fixing my social life then just getting out there. I mean if I just took a stride of confidence, I'd more so act like a fool besides I have no idea how the hell Im suppose to get out there. NT social lives are downright confusing.

Sometimes:

I can't think of what to say.
I don't care about what people are talking about.
I'm in a mood not to talk.


I was actually at a new years party when my sister's friends were talking. , I spent an hour just sitting there while they were talking without saying anything , and I was ok with it for the most part. believe i wanted to mention something but was a little hesitant. I think exercise /if I was in an upbeat mood would've helped the situation. i was slightly tired as well.


Wish I had lots of stories to tell.
aka I got drunk and did a few drag shows

haven't made any friends since college. I'm working on that now.
I'm relatively ok by myself but life would be better with a group of friends.
don't have any close by.

Yup. it's exactly like that. I am a totally confident person. Like most aspies are confident. But the way we carry ourselves makes it look like we are not confident. (DONT CARRY YOURSELF ANY DIFFERENTLY, act how you want and feel comfortable acting, not like an NT says to act). but then we begin to get bullied and that begins to break our self esteem.

I am completely comfortable with myself when i start a new school year and go into a class, but when an NT sees me from the outside, i may look like a timid insecure person. But really i just act like i feel, but to them i look insecure, in an aspies eyes i may look confident. but the fact is, is that aspies DONT pay attention, and also DONT care how another person carries themselves, because it has nothing to do with their personality or how they treat you. its obsolete and not important. but NTs seem to think so.

What i do is stay to myself, hang out with people who accept me the way i am, stay away from people who try to take an advantage of me or fight them, and i dont try to act like NTs and my parents want me to. Iknow the way i am is fine, even if i do walk slumped over sometimes, and look away when people talk to me. Its because i have asperger's, a condition that controls those quirks, but it doesnt mean im not confident. insecure people try to fit in, most aspies dont, but somehow we are still not confident. thats BULL, and ludacris.

the reason why people get scared and uncomfortable when we stand up for ourselves is because they werent expecting it, and they feel we should allow them to pick on us. also they get uncomfortable because they know that they were harrassing us, and that they were wrong for it, but didnt expect to get anything back.

read my post about a grown woman who phyiscally bullied me
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt101292.html

My mother used to give me advice like that. It wasn't until recently that I realized two things:

1) I don't get lonely that easily. I don't need to constantly interact with people.

2) A significant part of the reason why I would have trouble making friends is that I wasn't surrounding myself with the right people. Now that I'm in an engineering school, I have real friends.