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my fiance does something annoying please explain

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redRTCrazy
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17 Jun 2009, 6:10 am

well, I've pretty much always been on medication. when i was 6 I was diagnosed with add and at 16 bipolar so i have only been off meds a few times when i wondered what it was like. But putting emotions aside is hard if they are so strong they overcome you. To explain bipolar imagine having emotions which are 10 times more intense than the average emotion no matter what it is about. Happy times 10, sad times 10, angry times ten. If you are happy clap your hands If you're extremely happy, jump up and sing and run around singling you love the world. At what makes others minorly happy. If you are sad, you want to kill yourself, where normally the person is mildly sad. Angry you want to kill where normally the person just gets angry. It's like if you don't express the emotion it will explode like you can't handle it. You have to express it somehow and trying makes you feel like your brain will shortcircuit if you don't do something.



0_equals_true
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17 Jun 2009, 6:39 am

redRTCrazy wrote:
actually, I always thought til this year that no one else could control their emotions either since emotions are an instinctive reaction. I thought for awhile also, that what the meds did was, just to make me have less of the emotions I have since I had too much of them. Are you saying you can decide not to feel sad if someone tells you something sad, or decide to not feel angry if someone tells you something that makes you angry? If I was other people and I could do that, i would make myself always feel happy no matter what! If other people could control their emotions without medications, why don't they choose to be happy all the time? why is there sadness in the world if they could make themselves feel happy no matter what happens?


Um probably not entirely. What you could do is redirect. I started martial arts because a shrink suggest I had pent up anger that need to get out somehow. I actually have pretty mild temperament now, but I enjoy it.

So yes you \re going to feel these emotion, but that doesn't mean you have to attributably them to a specific person (even yourself). it is brain chemistry.



redRTCrazy
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17 Jun 2009, 10:08 am

maybe I should take martial arts



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17 Jun 2009, 1:13 pm

I hate that! I'm not NT, I'm rather ASD affected so I should be sympathic.

But I used to try and ask this Autistic/Aspergers girl a question, and she'd look at me for a second, and then go back to staring at the tv like I hadn't spoken at all while I waited for an answer. She'd do this each time I asked. Now, I don't care if she said "no", and went back to ignoring me, that's fine. I just wanted an answer so I didn't feel brushed off....

Maybe keep questions to what you absolutely want answered, wait long enough to allow thinking time, and if he shows signs of vagueing off and going off to do something else- repeat it?

But don't yell or repeat it again before he's processed it because him being upset will make it worse and asking again and again too fast will be certain to interrupt his thinking process. Someone used to do this to me, trying to make me do something and turning it into a power struggle when I had just received upsetting news about something else. Trust me, it gets you the complete opposite of the desired effect.

Tough balance. :scratch:



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17 Jun 2009, 2:45 pm

redRTCrazy wrote:
actually, I always thought til this year that no one else could control their emotions either since emotions are an instinctive reaction. I thought for awhile also, that what the meds did was, just to make me have less of the emotions I have since I had too much of them. Are you saying you can decide not to feel sad if someone tells you something sad, or decide to not feel angry if someone tells you something that makes you angry? If I was other people and I could do that, i would make myself always feel happy no matter what! If other people could control their emotions without medications, why don't they choose to be happy all the time? why is there sadness in the world if they could make themselves feel happy no matter what happens?



You can learn to control your emotions but you just need to get control over them and the first thing you do is start telling your feelings to shut up and ignore them and pretend they aren't there and after awhile, the feeling goes away. I do a good job at this but sometimes it's hard to control them such as when my anxiety attack starts coming due to stress and it can get really hard to suppress.



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18 Jun 2009, 6:38 am

redRTCrazy wrote:
HI, I have a fiance with asperger's. I have bipolar. He does something that gets on my nerves that is probably related to the asperger's. When I ask him a question about something, like say a computer issue, what colors he wants for the candles in our wedding, where he wants to go to eat, which outfit he likes better on me, to fill me in on what happened in the movie when I was gone, to help me find my cellphone, asking what herbs he used to season foods he's cooked, what time he works tomorrow, and a variety of numerous other situations, or if I call out to him to find out if he is in the house, he will take FOREVER to answer me!! ! It is so irritating! It's like he is ignoring me, because when I go, "helloooo, earth to randy!" or, "did you HEAR what I just said?" or the most effective, "Yes or no! Just tell me YES or NO!! !! It's not hard!!"(to which he'll answer with a 1 second answer after waiting 2 minutes as opposed to usual 5! In an irritated blowing me off tone of voice), or, "why do you keep IGNORING me!" or, "stop blowing me off! He denies it and says, "I'm just thinking!! !" or, "give me a chance to answer you you are so impatient, did you take your meds today!" which is infuriating and I'm like, "theres nothing wrong with me you just don't like what I said!" It's like what I am sayiong is not important and I am sure instead of thinking of an answer he is thinking about something else he'd RATHER think about or daydreaming about some dumb thing, which he denies when I tell him I think that....
well WHAT THE HELL!!
Both me and anyone else I have ever met answer these questions in a fraction of the time it takes him to!!
WHHYYYY!! ! I am so frustrated with this!!
I can get him to answer me faster if I say "honey" in front of everything I say, for some weird reason.
Can someone help me get him to answer faster?


Sometime, when I get asked a question which I find difficult to answer, I get stuck and simply can't reply. Maybe he just needs to get his thoughts together before answering.



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18 Jun 2009, 10:24 am

redRTCrazy wrote:
maybe I should take martial arts

well I'm biased, but you might enjoy it.