I don't/can't "Hang Out"

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Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
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Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:01 pm

activebutodd wrote:

Yeah, it's hard. I feel like I've been replaced a bit, because I don't see anyone a lot and it's such a huge effort to socialize that I can't seem to do it frequently or consistently.

Maybe you could have visits at a more comfortable length? Like tell your friend that you have something else to do and you have to go at x o'clock? That way you can see them but they don't stay so long that you get frazzled.
I find it a bit stressful when my friend that I rarely see wants to hang out for hours on end.

In addition to making it short, maybe you could also involve an activity so you don't overload on emotions and talking- or just do coffee so you don't have to run around lots of places? You'll know what works best for you.

The last problem I had like this I did set a little time to leave but I still found myself overloaded and had to leave before the time arrived. The main problem is over stimulation it seems. But I feel it's more cumulative. I know paranoia got me last night. My friends apartment has a shared balcony and people kept walking by. It was freaking me out and then I started thinking i saw someone but no one was there. I got really freaked. I can't stand being in that vulnerable of a position. It's been tougher because I don't have a car right now. My car always makes me feel safe because I know I could leave if I wanted to or if anything went wrong.

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Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:03 pm

Magneto wrote:

I also don't know many people around me very well. The only person I do know well enough and can be in regular contact with (i.e. Messenger)... is also an Aspie.

One person. Oh well, two's company threes a crowd.

Outside of My Wife and my parents I can't feel any connection with anyone. Sure I find things to talk about but then I get squirmy and feel uncomfortable. It's like this person is chipping away at me and my thoughts. I can't enjoy anything and I get upset easily. 3 is a crowd. True.

_________________
Oh yes it is nice in this place. I could live like a king in outer space. The only promise is a world of desire.
I fell in love with cables and wires.

Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:08 pm

Starrsy wrote:

Find Something You All Enjoy. If Someone Invites You Round To Their Hiouse, Or You Bring Them Round To Yours, See What You Both Enjoy. If You've Both The Same Console, Or Same Games, Have A 2-Player Bash On That. Sometimes When Im Doing 2-Player On A Game, I Dont Even Know I Started Having A Conversation With My Partner Until About Halfway Through. If You Were To Play An RPG Game Like Fallout 3, Consider Your Choices Whether To Be Nasty To An NPc Or Nice, Then Ask The Aforementioned Friend.

As With OCD, (I Think Thats What You Said Made You Stay Only 3 Hours) I Believe That Can Sometimes Be OverCome. Try Start Out With Something Shady First. (Like If You Close A Drawer 3 Times Or Something, Open It, Close It, Then Leave The Room Without Doing Anything Else. Then Your Mind Should Apply This To All Things, Making It Second Nature To Do Things Once, Thus Making Things Easier.)

My Advice Is Usually Sh*t, But I Feel Ive Done Well.

Games and movies do help. What gets in the way there is something else I struggle with a lot-everything I have or do or whatever is VERY VERY VERY important and personal to me. I can't stand to have people see any of it or share in it really. I know they don't get it or think it's "weird". I feel like I have something to prove or defend when I share something I own or enjoy.

_________________
Oh yes it is nice in this place. I could live like a king in outer space. The only promise is a world of desire.
I fell in love with cables and wires.

Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:12 pm

Also- I've got a long way to go with my OCD. I really only detected these tendencies in the last few months. I've been having problems with getting "Stuck" if i don't do hings a certain way or in a certain order. Stuck as in literally stuck in a repetitive movement loop unless I go do what's on my mind.

_________________
Oh yes it is nice in this place. I could live like a king in outer space. The only promise is a world of desire.
I fell in love with cables and wires.

Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:13 pm

WillWasHere wrote:

I'm the same, people in my space drain me so quickly, and then they seem to leave. Oh for someone that is relaxed and happy when it gets silent and awkward...

Yeah. Silence seems to be a deadly deadly weapon.

_________________
Oh yes it is nice in this place. I could live like a king in outer space. The only promise is a world of desire.
I fell in love with cables and wires.

Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:15 pm

pschristmas wrote:

I've never understood the urge to just "hang out." There doesn't seem to be any point to it.

Regards,

Patricia

I can't think of a reason either actually. Societal pressure or instinct maybe? If I space them out well enough time spent with friends does make me feel better about myself a bit and take my mind off of things. Sometimes I have a need to feel appreciated or whatever. And as I mentioned- I do like talking about myself.....

_________________
Oh yes it is nice in this place. I could live like a king in outer space. The only promise is a world of desire.
I fell in love with cables and wires.

Gimmethecreeps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 May 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

19 Jun 2009, 5:21 pm

Cicely wrote:

I have the same problem, but I can go for half an hour. A whole hour on a good day if there's not much background noise to deal with. Hanging out is draining. After a little while I just start to shut down and I need to go be alone and recharge. This is a problem in school, where people are expected to spend all their free time with friends. I couldn't get through the day if I was constantly socializing.

I hate the tendency that hanging out spirals into that "Lets hang out tomorrow too" or "Are you coming to dinner again tonight?" thing. Most of the time I want left alone. I can't function outside of some kind of routine. I can't have it be habitually broken. Drained and needing to charge is the perfect allegory. When I come back from a situation or am finally alone in my house I lay down and listen to music and go to sleep. If I do much else or get interrupted further I kind of fly off the handle.

_________________
Oh yes it is nice in this place. I could live like a king in outer space. The only promise is a world of desire.
I fell in love with cables and wires.

d057
Veteran
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Joined: 26 Nov 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA

19 Jun 2009, 5:36 pm

I would try meeting for a short time in public places like a park, mall, restaraunt or something. Once you get to know them a little better, then try to meet them at their house or your house.

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d057
Veteran
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA

19 Jun 2009, 5:45 pm

When I was a little kid, my parents would always make arrangements for me to go see friends. When I was in around the 4th grade, my mom stopped doing that, and told me to start making arrangements for myself. At that time, people also noticed that i was "different", and they started avoiding me and using me. I had no real friends to talk to.

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Travell
Blue Jay

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 75

19 Jun 2009, 6:32 pm

pschristmas wrote:

I've never understood the urge to just "hang out." There doesn't seem to be any point to it.

Regards,

Patricia

I totally agree with you Patricia. hang out. hang out. lol. theres no point

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