Detecting Sincerity - How do you know?

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I am observant but comparing the body language to the words being said is where I get lost and is probably a lot of my problem.

I agree with you on the money borrowing theory.

i do not know how to tell if someone is sincere.
i think most of the people who want to know me are.
in the past (up until about only 1 year ago), some people used to be my friend because they wanted to get money from me.

they seemed to be happy with our times together, but it would always end with some sob story about for example how they will be kicked out of their house when they can not pay the rent which they do not have.
i realized after a time that i was giving so much money away and i came to know that i was just a cash cow for greasy fraudsters.

some girls (and men) want sex only, and they pretend to be interested in me and my life, and they even use all their wits to engage in the conversation, but after they realize they will not "have" me unless they rape me, they move on.

i can not see sincerity, but i can deduce lies.

one example:

a girlfriend i had years ago (melinda(who i still know but do not love anymore)) stole my atm card one night while i was asleep. she knew my P.I.N. because i used to give her the card and send her to the atm to get money for me while i was playing games with others at the pub i ate at.

i woke up the next morning and she was gone and i thought nothing of it.
later that day, i needed to get some cash out, and i could not find my card.

suddenly i suspected melinda of taking it (she was not a very honest girl and she had a gambling problem and she liked to go to casino's that were open 24 hours per day).

i checked the balance of my account on the internet, and i found there was approx 11,000 dollars less than it should be.

i rang melinda and i asked her if she took my card and of course she said "what?!?!? are you accusing me of theft?!?!" in a reasonably animated way.

i said i was and i "knew" it was her that took it.
she assured me i was wrong, and that i must have dropped my card on the way home the night before, and someone else must have found it.
i said "but they would not know the P.I.N".
she said "people are smarter than you think".

i said "well the bastards took $25,000 out of my account and i will get them!! !"
at the mention of $25000, she became hyper animated and said "BS!! ! it wasn't $25000!! !" in a way that she knew i was lying (i can lie for the reason of interrogation)
"gotchya" i said. "you knew it was not $25000 and you acted in a genuine manner when you saw my lie, so you must know the truth and i never want to see you again. keep the cash and get out of my life. it is my good bye present!! !! !! !! !! !"

time went by and i forgave her but i will never let her alone in my house without supervision again.

b9

This girl ripped you off for $11,000 and you eventually took her back? Now that is something I don't get. I have heard the term "thinking with your d!ck" but this seems extreme

It's often hard or impossible to detect when someone is being honest or insincere. It's easier to notice the type of person who is more likely to be honest.

i am tired and i want to go to bed so i am not very interested.

but i did not think the person that i loved was worth less than $11,000. i never trusted her again. but i know she has a severe personality disorder and i like the part of her which is appropriate to me (very much).

what she has to know is that she can never be my "love" anymore because she blew out her foundations in my mind with that transgression.

you may have an opinion, but it belongs entirely to you.

maybe $11,000 is more valuable to you than it is to me.

I use logic and intuition. If it comes to a point where I am interested in trusting a person, these are the things to consider:

- what do they do, why, etc.
- what is their apparent moral stance? is it simple, or complex?
- why are they with you?
- how do they behave around others?
- do their actions make sense? What pattern do they follow?
- were there any strange inconsistencies or unexplained occurrences?
Things you simply don't know can be filled with intuition.
Then, there are warning signs...

Using this you can analyze the honesty of someone quite accurately. Even online. Much more reliable than just "feeling" (there are always N's, people with poker faces, continual liars, users of NLP, and other people who are really good at imitating honestly as far as body language and the like goes).

@b9
Hmm, sounds like an N.

The albility to read people can be learned. I wasn't that great at knowing when people were being sincere, or not with me, when I was younger, either. This is a visual thing for the most part, and AS people are visual learners, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Using logic and intuition works great as well. Also, everybody has intuition, but most don't know how to tap into it, or they just ignore it.

When that little voice in your head says things like: "this is a bad idea", or "I get really stressed out around this person", or whatever else, listen to it. It will keep you out of trouble, and save you a bunch of time, and aggravation down the road. Intuition is basically like your own built-in navigation system through life, it keeps you on the right track, towards your destination. If you don't pay attention to it, you might make a wrong turn, and end up somewhere you don't want to be.