Ever been told that you DESERVED the teasing/bullying?

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It is what bullies always say!
Using this lie they coerce others into joining in to bully with them.

NEVER EVER BELIEVE IT!! !! !

Actually, the assistant principal at my old school said this. His words were, "You know, you're like Rain Man. You'll get roughed up and talked down to, but you deserve it for being so smart."

He should lose his job. What kind of thing is that for an assistant principal to say to a student?

Hahaha. He wasn't the greatest guy, I can tell you this much.

yeah they said if I acted human they wouldn't have to.

Even the police have blamed me for "harmless teasing" like being chased down the street by someone with a baseball bat.

I recently met one of my teachers from a school I was in about 30 years ago. The first thing he said after greeting was: "You were always teasing us teachers, but I think it was mutual."

I did not know what to say, since my intention never was to tease them. It explains a lot, though. Perhaps they felt threatened by me and tried to "counter-attack."

I wish I knew what I now know when I was at school.

No, but I was told that I brought it on myself (and they didn't help me to understand why). It was very distressing and upsetting because it was so easy to wind me up (still is) and people knew how to push my buttons so easy. It had made me feel so weak and helpless.

I was told not exactly that I deserved it, but that I couldn't expect people to treat me any other way if I was "so different". As if someone being different (albeit completely harmless) meant that it would just be another person's natural instinct to exclude, ridicule and abuse them, and there was nothing wrong with that.

I didn't get this literally, but when I was teased and bullied, my parents and teachers would *always* try to figure out what I'd done wrong to bring it onto myself. In 6th grade, it was that I reacted to the bullying, and if only I let it roll off my back, blahblahblah. Later, when I switched from a special school for the blind to mainstreaming in 7th grade, the fact that I was being teased, excluded, etc. was always a reason to have a class discussion on what all was wrong with me. When I complained about teasing and exclsuion in 8th grade, my tutor called a class meeting,w ithout me present, and everyone was allowed to tell h im and my educator for the blind what was annoying about me. Then, he went up to me with the results: I stank from body odor (poor hygiene awareness), I was blunt, teachers treated me favorably (some teachers would give me unwarranted accommodations, but the majority was students not understandign why I needed accommodations and blaming my good grades on teacher favors), etc. If only I changed myself, the teasing would sure stop. Oh my.

Ouch. Your story sounds very similar to an incident here in the states where a teacher made a student with Asperger's stand infront of his kindergarten class and listen to every student say why they didn't like him...and then they voted him out of the class!!

Humans are Pack/Herd animals. Bullying is part of culling process in most pack/herd animals. It removes the weak or odd from the pack/heard, and establishes Alpha/Beta relationships. After all, most auspi's pick on the rest of the world constantly. Most of us are intellectual bullies, we just don't realize we are doing it. Few people wake up in the morning and say..hmm, I think I'll go pick on some innocent person today.

We had a litter of pups that were dog/wolf mixes. Three of the pups displayed normal dog behavior. They would jump when humans came, want to be petted, etc.. They were clearly Dogs. The fourth pup wanted nothing to do with humans. She was clearly a wolf. She would hide in the bushes and wait for birds or cats to come in the yard, then pounce to kill them. She would tolerate petting, but never wagged her tail. When the other "dogs" would jump around for joy at humans entering the yard, she would snap at them to get them to shut up. The wolf would snap at the dogs when they wanted to "roughhouse" because they were annoying her. What the "wolf" though was fun was hiding in bushes until the other "dogs" were asleep then charging out and nipping them. They began to fight regularly, and we eventually had to remove the "wolf" to a house where she could be by herself. Where she appeared to be very happy.

I think it can be as simple as this. Auspi's are "Feral", NT's are "Domesticated". There is bound to be conflict.

I tend to agree that it is people's natural instinct to turn against anyone they deem as inferior. Nowadays I tend to stay well away from NTs when they're in groups.

When I was in a boys home in the mid 80s I regularly experienced mobbing and was told by staff that it was my fault. I had posessions regularly damaged and would consequently keep them locked in a suitcase. Anyway, when the lock would be broken and property damaged, I would still be blamed as apparently locking my posessions away was "giving them a challenge!" Damned if you do, damned if you don't fs.


Intellectual bullies? I've been told that before, and that I "blind them with science!"


Lol that is a slick way of putting it!

I just spent nine months of sheer living hell in this kind of situation, and it was impossible to get out. I had a flatmate who continually told me to be normal, said I was always wrong, lectured me on mundane things (like why my cleaning was never "right"), and even went so far as to give me a list of local psychiatrists and told me I had to get cured.

My approach to conflict isn't the greatest. I tend to keep quiet and do as I'm told. I give ground easily because it's usually the quickest way. And she took advantage of that, and when I tried to tell her she was being unreasonable, I got slapped down. I was stuck there because of the contract on the flat. Luckily, she decided to move anyway after I said I was looking at getting a place of my own - after point-blank refusing to interview anyone to replace me, and then giving the agent notice without telling me and claiming I'd forced her to buy her own place! Remarkably, in all that time, I lost my temper at her only once - the day before I ended up leaving, unexpectedly - but that was very quiet, and was basically just me telling her what I thought of her. I used a few words I shouldn't have done, but after nine months of the bullying, the constant criticism, the not being allowed to take decisions, even things like it always being my turn to take the bins out (she wouldn't because they were dirty) or buy toilet roll...

It didn't end well - in fact it made me ill and I ran away. Not a smart move, but my line manager understood. Just over two months on, and I've been back at work six weeks and in my own flat a little longer. Expensive, but I feel better for it.

The worst part was the self-doubt. Thinking "what if she's right?". Because there's only so much of "this is why you don't have friends, this is why you're always going to be alone, you'll never get anywhere at work" you can take. And I admit, office work doesnt come naturally - I'm still not really settled into it, and I'm in a city without friends or family, so it does get lonely.

I can never forgive her for what she did to me. I've never thought this about anyone before, but I hate her with every fibre of my being, and worse, I keep getting thoughts of wanting to hurt her. That damned woman has turned me into Captain Ahab.

I hate that. I have gone my entire life without being able to stand up for myself because I don't' know if I'm right or wrong socially. I have offended so many people by trying to help them, and so many people by not thinking of them. Or being to quite, or to loud, or two aggressive, or two timid. That's why I liked the military. Everyone has their social status is on their uniform. The enemy is more clearly defined, being a loner is acceptable as long as people believe you will fight for them. If you stay physically fit, hit the gym, keep your uniform pressed, and work long hours, you will get respect. If you make a social faux pas, you are loudly corrected by superiors. (I would much rather do push ups than be backstabbed the way civilians do things).

I have found that I am very good at defending the weak. I can't defend myself, but I can stand up for people who are being picked on. My lack of perception of peer pressure is a huge bonus some times when it comes to doing the morally right thing.

However, the one place I just couldn't make anything happen was in the Barracks. I was constantly in trouble for failing inspections. I was persecuted by the other soldiers for my social awkwardness. Once I was able to move off post, I became a model soldier.

The bottom line is that most auspies are poor roommates for most people, including other auspies. We just need to accept that and only "link up" with people who clearly understand that if they want things cleaned they way they like it, they are going to do the cleaning.

I agree that it's probably typical behavior, but that doesn't mean that it's also to be condoned. I was basically told that it actually was perfectly alright and normal, and that I was entirely the one at fault.



This is the most damaging factor in verbal/emotional abuse. After a time, you begin to lose hold on your own convictions, and begin to believe that the person doing the abusing is right; that you really are stupid/insane/can't do anything right/etc.