anneurysm wrote:
Here's how I've done it...
Choose people that you see often (i.e. you've ran into each other a few times at a social gathering) and that have demonstrated that they want to keep in touch or see you again.
Contact them through text or facebook (I find these are the two easiest and most non-threatening mediums) and do some small talk first, such as asking how their summer is. This lets them know that you're interested in their life. Somewhere in the conversation, ask if they would like to go for coffee, a movie or a meal. If they decline, it's probably nothing against you, they may be busy or exhausted due to work or other committments.
When you do this for the first few rounds, there's going to be some initial anxiety, but this eases if both of you are comfortable with each other's company. good luck!
Yep. I've done all this. I have lots of acquaintances (more than I want, really) and when I see people they usually act as if they like me, smiling, hugging, telling me stuff. I've had coffees and meals with people. I've had long intimate conversations. I've even slept over in their spare rooms. But are they friends? They never call to see how I am or invite me to do anything with them. When I see people they often suggest we should get together but then they don't get back to me. They wait for me to figure out when I'm free and suggest a time, and if I don't bother, we don't do anything. I have to do all the calling and asking. Even with people I've known for years and know the intimate details of their lives.
Anyone else had similar experiences? What do you think -- am I doing something wrong here or is that just how most people are and I have to live with it? Or maybe I'm just picking the wrong people. I do find the vast majority of people rather boring... finding someone that I want to hang out with AND that wants to hang out with me is really tricky.
That sounds like a good thing to try with trying to at least show people a willingness to befriend them. But then I've run into some problems like described above in the past with really getting people to do things with me. Back in highschool especially people would not actually come thru with hanging out with me rarely outside of school or whatever activity. So I eventually gave up not putting in as much effort in college. I think I might have to try putting in more effort and more willingness cause the people here generally are more willing then in highschool to hang out, I do get invites here and there but I often get too scard to ask them.
05 Aug 2009, 1:28 am
