16 Dec 2009, 9:28 am
I think I would like to get a hug.. But I don't know how to get a hug. 
16 Dec 2009, 10:23 am
Yeah, the familiar goodbye hug. My family used to be big on them but have stopped hugging me goodbye the last few years or so. I do miss them, both familiarity and hugs.
One of my fears is actually getting a hug and as a result having a complete emotional breakdown. Now that would freak the other person out, could you imagine?
I don't know what it's called but I have involuntary visceral responses to certain words and actions. Back in high school my friends and I started to lightheartedly make fun of it as a way of coping. We had a shtick that they would clap randomly and I would, usually involuntarily, clap back. I couldn't help myself. It was fun, I'd clap and they'd clap back too. Unfortunately, things weren't so easy in university and such responses were ridiculed instead of lived with.
You certainly are Curtis, I've not had alot to do with hugging because I, too, felt uneasy about all that; not that I received many from family, the girl who led me to this forum has been the only one to hug me in a sincere manner(the most recent, the two others who've moved to hug me and done so I've not seen in a long long while) but we're not involved in any way as she didn't want things that far which was disappointing but I'm fine with it.
The other day an extended family member gave me a welcome hug (or at least I thought he as giving me a welcome hug, It may have been me misreading signals and giving him a welcome hug, not sure which, either way I don't think it matters if I was the initiator or not. Actually, the thought that it didn't matter was euphoric in a way, it's been a while since I wasn't super uptight.)
Anyway, at the end of the night when he was leaving he was looking in my direction and slightly raised his arms, I misread it as he was going to give me goodbye hug and raised mine in a response to hug back - he wasn't going to give me a hug! I was embarrassed and blushed to a freakish degree of hot pink
The strange thing was it was an involuntary hug response, it was the same auto-response feeling I used to get when I let myself free to clap back without constraint. Because of this it doesn't bother me, the more I allow my family and extended family to get to know me in this manner (me just being me) the better, I hope. They may think it odd now, or most likely think something completely different, who knows, but it's the only way to get through it.
Hello, Goodbyes are usually awkward. Do you shake? Do you hug? Do you do the European cheek kiss-kiss? If it is the kiss-kiss, is it the right cheek first or the left? Endless questions? So much variety? Perhaps, nothing at all. Anyway, no reason to panick. Each person has their own way of meet-and-greet, the other person will probably take whatever as just how you meet-and-greet without a thought.
That being said, I've been craving a good serious hug for a few years now. I think it's been over ten since my last great one. They are a great release. My best dreams are hug dreams.
