Do people often act like you're invisible?
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,144
Location: In my own little country
I feel like that, all the time. I'll have something to say, related to the topic of conversation and people still ignore me. It makes me feel invisible. I hate that feeling. It makes me wonder why I even bother. That happened at the New Year's Eve party that I was at, with all the older ladies in my building. I think that I'm just going to stay in my apartment, next year on New Year's Eve. That way, I'll be saving myself a lot of the pain that almost drove me to an early grave, a few nights, ago.
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The Family Schlager
I have always had an issue with this. I noticed it more when I was younger because back then I wanted to make friends. Now that I am older I am more accepting of my disability and less caring of other people. On the other hand, perhaps I am so used to the invisibility thing that I don't conciously think of it anymore.
Quite often I turn the invisible thing around on others. For example...................
Someone else: Hey Rob, I'm talking to you..................Hello.....................Hello.
AspiRob: I'm busy - can ignore you another time?
....or something like that.
I am so over NT's lack of repect for anyone who is different from them. I have another handicap apart from AS so I am perhaps just a little more "different" than others. Most people know I am different from the average person and many have tried to enquire as to why. I see this as being my business not theirs so I tend to reply along the lines of: "I have a communication handicap. It help me a lot if you speak to me when you want my attention". They never get it.
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I am highly in tune with my perceptions. It's reality that I haven't got a clue about.
I don't mind so much if I'm treated as invisible by complete strangers. It's more annoying if it's people I know or am somewhat familiar with. What's even worse is if I'm treated as invisible by some loser interrupting a conversation I'm having as if I wasn't even there, to talk to the person I was talking to.
I agree - people who do that are just plain rude. If that happens to me, I have no problem with getting in the loser's face and asking if they were taught any manners.
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I am highly in tune with my perceptions. It's reality that I haven't got a clue about.
Yes, when I let them. I've been doing this for so long I can make myself visible or invisible at my whim. ![]()
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I realized that in public situations, NOBODY speaks "when they want to".Only WE tend to think, that whenever we have something smart/insightful/appropriate to say, we should be able to say it and be heard.
But that's not how NTs work. They KNOW that they can't speak "whenever", unless there's a sufficient beam of attention focused on them. So they wait for an opening. For the right moment.
NTs instinctively adjust to the dynamic flow of conversation. They know when they have an opening, based on
a) a momentary silence (someone exhausted their train of thought)
AND
b) something context-appropriate to insert, that will draw attention of others. For instance, a wisecrack punchline to previous speaker's tirade - that's often acceptable/expected
We have to learn to flow with the general mood of larger exchanges going on around us, their rhythms, and take the openings as they appear. Trying to barge in without an opening gets one ignored.
That's true, but there's also times when there is a lull and you start a topic and then someone starts talking over you. I think it's because when it happens to me, I'm not projecting enough. But it pisses me off. My family used to do it on purpose at the dinner table because they thought it was funny to frustrate me.
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Detach ed
When people snub me, I get really indignant. I've burned some relationship bridges down because of this. It's a bad habit.
A story-
I was hanging out at the local diner with some friends, something I do every now and then since one of my friends works here and his job tends to be boring. We're having our usual conversations, when a friend of mine mentions some relationship issues, and I offer my help. He says he'd need someone good at manipulating peoples' emotions, and everyone has a good laugh at me being manipulative. I insist. He says whatever, and we move on.
Later that night, two girls our age come in. They're regulars, though my friend that works here is annoyed by this fact. They sort of treat him like an emotional soap box. I've also never met them before. Anyway, they sit down next to us to talk to said friend, more or less snubbing my group. I continue my conversation with my friend. One of the girls starts acting real snobby, saying I'm not funny and I'm annoying her. I say something to the effect of 'then leave'. She hits me.
Oh-ho. Oh ho ho ho. You will be an example.
I start acting dizzy and tired. I prod into every conversation she has. Any time I annoy her, I press on and see if there's something more to that annoyance. She's physically abusive the entire time, and getting worse. I've got a cut in my hair, one on my shoulder, a bruise on my neck, and my right ear will ring for the next week. I recoil, but keep myself calm. It's been about three hours. My resolve is only getting more adamant. I'm getting close.
Then we get to the subject of her brother, and I hit gold. Seems she's seriously worried about him. I make little suggestions like he's probably afraid of her since she's such a violent twit. She actually pulls a knife and tells me not to talk about her brother. Two employees jump up and warn her to put it away. Bingo. So I decide, at this point, to ignore her and talk to my friends, including the employed one, carrying on the conversation she was just having without her.
This was ultimately too much to bare. After a few minutes, she gets up, pours an entire cherry coke on me (that she just had my friend refill, whom will now have to wash the entire area), and leaves without paying. Her other friend ends up picking up the tab and chasing after her.
My friends are kind of shocked at the whole incident, and at a loss for words. I suddenly snap out of my 'stupor', and say "I told you I can manipulate people".
Their jaws hit the floor.
Yes, I mentally scarred someone I had never met before because she was trying to snub me while I was talking to my friend. And all I've got to say is, my wounds healed. The girl in question has apparently had nightmarish delusions about that night ever since, putting unusually sadistic words into my mouth.
Would you believe I got cheered for doing this?
i like being invisible, it means i can sneak up on my freinds without them knowing ive arrived and eventually when they do notice me there all like " WOAH, when did you arrive man your like a freaking ninja!" ![]()
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"you NT's dont get it do you, were not trapped on this planet with you! YOU'RE TRAPPED ON THIS PLANET WITH US!! !" - aspie roarshac
In my observation that happens when one is not fully in sync with the "groupmind policies". When there's a lull and I say "So, anyone's seen Avatar ?", chances of people ignoring it are very low.
But if I said "So, I noticed that caffeine makes me panic. Anyone else notice that ?", chances are it would be filtered out and covered up by someone who's not flagged "weird" by the "groupmind".
I can project that topic as much as I want, be as loud as I want, stop people from interrupting me, but if it doesn't echo loudly enough in people's brains, it will die no matter what, an in addition I will be flagged as "low-priority-banter-person" by the "groupmind".
In my anecdotal experience, failure to capture the topic resulted from my belief that during a lull I can start a conversation about anything. In reality, there's a very limited range of topics that can take place in a "groupmind". The "groupmind" is shallower and more base than any individual person, and you have to use the common lowest denominator.
In my observation that happens when one is not fully in sync with the "groupmind policies". When there's a lull and I say "So, anyone's seen Avatar ?", chances of people ignoring it are very low.
But if I said "So, I noticed that caffeine makes me panic. Anyone else notice that ?", chances are it would be filtered out and covered up by someone who's not flagged "weird" by the "groupmind".
I can project that topic as much as I want, be as loud as I want, stop people from interrupting me, but if it doesn't echo loudly enough in people's brains, it will die no matter what, an in addition I will be flagged as "low-priority-banter-person" by the "groupmind".
In my anecdotal experience, failure to capture the topic resulted from my belief that during a lull I can start a conversation about anything. In reality, there's a very limited range of topics that can take place in a "groupmind". The "groupmind" is shallower and more base than any individual person, and you have to use the common lowest denominator.
That makes sense. Just another thing I never "got".
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Detach ed
I notice that when I'm eating at a restaurant with my mum the the waiters don't seem interested in asking me things, as if I'm an "afterthought" or something. Same thing when I go shopping with mum, the cashier will smile and say goodbye to mum but not to me. Even if they don't look at me I still say goodbye though. I can understand this response if I was a child just tagging along, but I'm an adult.

