"dissapearing" people

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It definitely seems to be the way things work. I know that I don't much appreciate people forcing themselves on me either. At the same time, there are times when everyone needs a little extra acknowledgement from others, but the protocol is very unforgiving. Sometimes I wish people could look beyond the rituals and see the bigger picture. People born around the depression could do that, but the generations that grew up around the beginning of the television seem to be very ritualistic in thier demands for pretentiousness. I've worked with older people most of my life, and as that generation dies off, I've found less and less "soul" within people in general.

Well, I'm sure I've bored everyone away from this thread now. apologies.

That's good advice Peter. I guess some of the people I know may be getting annoyed with my prescence. One of the things I thing I need to come to terms with is the fact that many of my long time friends and acquaintances are now older, and have famililes. They just don't have the time like I do to go out and do movies, and just hang out like we did back in high-school and college. They probably get tired of hearing from me all the time, and the excuses are really legitimate.

...still doesn't explain fully why I can't date a girl more than once or at best, twice, but I'm getting there![/quote]

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Hey AV you kind of ended this entire forum.

^^^

TigerFire,

I am confused as to what you mean? Ended the forum? Perhaps you could explain further so this is not misinterpeted as some type of insult?

BeeBee

No not an insult. I meant that he was the last one to post.

AH! Got it!

Thanks for explaining.

BeeBee

You welcome and I would never try to insult anyone. If I did I would turn around and ask for forgiveness over and over again.

I've had people disappearing without a note too. But before i embark on this subject, i rather mention something else:

A good friend just quit her friendship with me by e-mail. We trusted each other, liked each other, were on the same wavelength and had fun going oout together and having deep as well as casual conversation. We got to know each other through a shyness supoprt group, though i am an diagnosed Aspie and she a self-confessed commitment phobiac. Now, wewent out three times together since end Feb 06.
Last sat i called her - i call her only on Saturdays -& send her text message to her mobile phone, asking her to call me back when she's home so i can call herback.. But she didn't call back. She normnally always call me back when i couldn't reach her on the hone. Now, i visited her at her 2workplace- a cafe - ordered a juce and a cake and said Hello

That made her quit our friendship instantly after work via mail.....


I don't understand why she couldn't tell me she didn't want to talk to me & why she didn't want to talk to me. Our nights out were fiine & she thanked me for the third night out too
The reasons she gave for ending our friendship was: that she has no pleasure in staying in touch with someone who cannot read between the lines or what do i thinnk it means if she hasn't called me back after two calls and a text message. Everyone with half a brain with have waited...
Tand: She has no strength to explain the social rules/clues to me as if I was a little child. More: She is not my kindergarten teacher /nursery nurse.

I told her about my AS early on in our friendship & she was astonished i could admit it so frankly after she has read about As on the Net. My confession created an air of trust & trust me she did..... Nevertheless...

Is it all her or my fault or both?

This is so true. Many people are too cowardly to tell you what they are really thinking. They seem to be terribly embarrassed or scared about it, and would prefer to give no answer or give a fake answer. There have been situations where I have asked someone out on a date, or just to go out and do something, and they have replied with an excuse which is very obviously fake (first weak excuse they could think of).

The silly thing is, in most of these cases, I did not really care either way whether the person wanted to go out. I was not about to burst into tears at being rejected -- sheesh, who do these people think they are? The worlds most fantastic greatest person who ever lived who causes utter devastation merely by declining an invitation??? Really, I would have just shrugged -- being rejected by these people was no big deal to me. I was not super keen on them anyway. So if they had just simply told the truth ("No, sorry"), I would have been completely fine with it. No problem at all! But instead they choose to give BS fake excuses -- lying to my face. I hate that. If you do not want to go out, FINE, you are not the only person in the world I can go out with, just tell the truth and it is all OK.

But there is no point getting angry and berating them about it. When I hear an obvious fake excuse, I just reply calmly along the lines of, "There is no need to invent fake excuses. If you want to decline the invitation, I am fine with that. No problem at all."
And then they just look sheepish and feel silly for a while, and that is the end of that.