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ttqs84
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21 Mar 2010, 11:14 am

auntblabby wrote:
ttqs84 wrote:
i think compliments are just a way for people to say things to make me feel like something i'm not. bottom line - they're FAKE! especially when coming from men. when they give me compliments, they don't mean s#!t. they'll say anything to a girl so they can get some p*$$y only.


that is a generalization which doesn't apply to all men. iow you are cutting many decent men to the quick. i know i myself don't treat women that way. i have many other faults but that isn't one of 'em. i have had to learn to keep mum around the lion's share of women because i am always misconstrued concerning compliments, they are always taken the wrong way. i just wish people could take 'em with grace instead of reading between the lines. but i guess IRL that is just too much to expect.


i still think compliments coming outta guys are fake, no matter how nice they are.
guys approach me under false pretense by being nice to me in order to hide their real intentions towards someone like myself. i ask myself why would they ever give me their time of day knowing i'm no supermodel, socialite, or sex-slave like they want for all of us to be? because they only have high standards towards women (mainly superficial standards which is unrealistic in their part). so i flip them the bird (mainly on the streets when they holler at me) or tell him i got Asperger's to drive them away from me.
i always say to myself, "it's better to be alone than have any bad company". i've already had my share of bad company (men & women alike) and being hurt by them, so i don't want that drama anymore. other than being an Aspie, people like that have hurt my chances of having friends or a relationship (which will never happen for as long as i live) that way, life is fulfilling to me.



Willard
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21 Mar 2010, 1:10 pm

ttqs84 wrote:
people like that have hurt my chances of having friends or a relationship (which will never happen for as long as i live)


Ah, the heart of the matter.

I'm sorry to hear your experiences have been negative and painful.

Not everyone who compliments you is out to manipulate. A sincere compliment is usually short and sweet - if it becomes too flowery it degenerates into flattery, and flattery is never to be trusted.

Personally, I rarely compliment anyone, even if it seems to be in order under the circumstance, but when I do, I genuinely mean it , or I wouldn't bother saying it in the first place.

As for every guy who says something nice being out to get in your pants...well, human are animals after all, driven by hormones and reproductive instincts, but that doesn't mean that some of us aren't civilized, and motivated by things other than the knee-jerk impulse to NAIL everything we see. At least part of the time. :D

Here's hoping a little time and distance from the source of your cynicism will soften your outlook and lead you to a happier circumstance. You seem a bright and articulate person, I'm sure you'll sort it out - it's just a ride, after all, and there's always another upswing somewhere down the track. Best wishes & good luck! :wtg:



ttqs84
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21 Mar 2010, 4:11 pm

Willard wrote:
well, human are animals after all...


i tend to ask myself, "am i an animal because i got a social defect towards people or are people animals because they treat each other like s#!t regardless?". perhaps both sentiments are true.



tweety_fan
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23 Mar 2010, 5:56 am

I don't feel comfortable when I get compliments.

at times I feel "what do they want from me?"
and other times I feel like they are trying to manipulate me into doing stuff.

when I get compliments from nice people I just feel like I don't deserve them.



auntblabby
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23 Mar 2010, 6:47 am

tweety_fan wrote:
when I get compliments from nice people I just feel like I don't deserve them.


but you do precisely because you will endeavor to live up to them.



False_Premise
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23 Mar 2010, 7:39 am

I usually just don't know how to respond. Will a simple thanks surffice? Am I meant to refute it to make myself appear modest? Should I compliment them back? What if they actually meant to use the compliment as a starting point for a conversation, and me just saying "Thanks" and leaving it at that kills the conversation before it begins?

8O