Never looking happy?

Post Reply New Topic

As a kid I was always told I never smiled for real. My mum says you can tell I am autistic in my old school pictures because I have a "fake smile". Like I would be having an orgasm from people poking and proding me so I would sit in an extremly uncomfortable pose. But I remember my mum always telling me I needed to smile more but I probably really just had a nutural expression. I needed a reason to be happy. She also told me that it took less muscles to smile than it did to smile. BS. My face was so sore "fake smiling" for those stupid school pics.

I always look bored. I think it's what causes people to avoid wanting to do things with me. The worst is being told to cheer up or smile... it's rude and usually ruins my night because I feel like I'm now being "watched" and "forced" to have a good time. I used to end up faking my smile, but that just made my mouth sore from forcing the muscles in place.

I'm just getting to know a new person and she doesn't understand why I don't smile. She's very ADHD and quite bouncy, smiley, etc. In my pre-pubescent years my mom thought I was depressed. She constantly asked 'what's wrong?' and I just got agitated answering the same question, because nothing was wrong. Now she's learned that I'm actually okay...though she still asks occasionally

Does anyone force yourself to smile for pictures? I haven't figured out how.

that is so true. My husband keeps asking me "are you alright?" and i got sick of it. I told him straight that if something was bothering me, he'd be the first to know!

Only when I'm concentrating on a movie, I never seem to realise that I'm doing it and rather embarrassing too.

I'm exactly like this too. In groups, if somebody there is a friend they will be asking me (then or later) are you ok? are you mad? you look miserable...etc. My usual response is that I'm fine, I'm just thinking (or if I know the person well enough I'll try to explain that I just look like that or I get more inward-focused when there is a lot going on. Sometimes I really am uncomfortable because of all the people but not in the way they think). Frankly I think they often don't believe me which may be why I rarely get invited

In addition, if I'm figuring something out I apparently look mad. It doesn't help that if somebody comes up to me and starts talking while I am concentrating on something, I find it very hard to look at them and give short answers, because I am still thinking about whatever I'm concentrating on.

If I'm completely focused on someone and actually listening to them, I look like I'm spaced out, possibly because I'm staring fixedly. This was one of the first things I realized, when I was 15 or so in school, that was different. Teachers kept always interrupting themselves to ask if I was paying attention, and people who would be talking to me face to face would stop to ask if I was following them. I finally figured out that if I do the fake nodding stuff and "react" to what they are saying they seem to think I'm listening (it's actually more distracting to do this and I can't focus on what they're saying as well, but it seems to come off better, and I've been practicing it for years now). I also found when I was talking to someone one on one and really focusing (like someone I liked) the staring would start to make them uncomfortable. When I'm with people I'm really used to like family members, especially if I'm tired, I tend to let it lapse still and go back to the blank stare.

this.

it took me until this year (i'm almost 32) to finally take stock and realize most of my life i wasn't unhappy and i wasn't pessimistic, just everyone else was telling me i am and for lack of an alternative i believed them. a glass at 50% capacity is not a glass half empty any more than it is half full. i wish i could share with them how much it hurt, for so many years.. but they didn't know any more than i did and ruining their day with guilt won't accomplish anything positive.

the positive solution is always to avoid meeting negativity with negativity, just do whatever mind game you need to do in order to simulate water sliding off a duck's feathers and move on - everyone else will eventually follow or get out of the way. learning those tricks have been some of the most valuable in my life, even if they are not a magic bullet solution to happiness.

cheers

Yeah, all my life I've had people asking "What's the matter?" or "Are you OK?" when everything's fine. I've always just responded by telling them I'm fine, but they just keep asking.

It's nice that they're interested, but it's still kinda frustrating...

This has recently come to my awareness because I keep getting peer reviews at work saying that I seem not to enjoy my job, that I seem to be here just to make money but don't care about the work, etc. Patients sometimes wonder out loud why I don't smile when I'm drawing their blood (?! !!?).
In fact, I do enjoy my job and do it well. I like concentrating to do a difficult task, and honestly I just don't get why a smile is better customer service than a look of concentration. I know which expression *I* would rather see on the face of someone coming at me with a needle.

In addition, with the advent of digital cameras (I'm 34), I've been seeing direct feedback that when I think I'm smiling for a picture, I'm generally *not.* I feel happy, feel inside like I'm smiling - but there's the same dull, straight-mouthed me. I don't want to just bare my teeth, though - that makes me look psychotic.

Yes, people are always asking "Why are you so sad?" "Are you OK?" or "Why don't you smile?". It's really annoying because most of the time I'm quite happy, but they rarely believe it. What makes it even more annoying is that I'm actually never sad (or almost never). I might be happy, angry or neutral or something in between, but not sad. It's just because I always forget that people expect you to run around with a big smile all the time, but when I'm lost in my own thoughts I don't think about facial expressions.

An incredibly irritating but often experienced comment that is almost guaranteed to result in a snide response.

I try to smile or at least look happy-ish when I'm with company but it takes a conscious effort a lot of the time. I just get tired doing it. I'm constantly wondering if I have the correct expression on my face.

I just let my face do what it wants to do.

This is my default:

I may smile when I find something humorous, though by default I'm usually expressionless..
People ask me if there's something wrong, etc. which can be a slight annoyance after a while.
I see no reason in faking a smile just to indicate to people my mood, though - it just feels unnatural.. ¬_¬

My usual default expression seems to make people think I'm either sad or annoyed. Seems to be common for aspies and I've learned to deal with it for the most part. However, my biggest issue with this comes from the fact that I work in Human Resources. Everyone seems to think we are all supposed to be happy and bubbly and super-supportive all the time...this would be impossible for me.

I've been trying to train myself to smile more. I was able to train myself to maintain a somewhat normal amount of eye contact, but trying to smile in neutral situations seems to be something I just can't do! If I'm just walking around, plastering a fake grin on my face seems like such a lie and anyway, I always slip back to my default facial expression subconsciously.

I think that normally I'm too busy processing everything and even if I tried to smile, it would be difficult because I can't really think and smile. If I smile, it looks like a sickly forced grin. It means nothing, because I'm quite apathetic about everything. I was better about 15 years ago, but now life is just grinding me down.