Question for girls with AS Please.

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Yes this describes me to a T.

I had friends and they all came to me and I was used by my friends and they were mean to me but yet I kept forgiving them. I was mean to them too. I was also ejected and turned away from their homes but only because I didn't understand the hidden rules and couldn't get along with them there. I did better when they be at my house because we be doing what I wanted to do. I also had friends in school but they turn me away. It was fourth grade where it started to get hard because they wanted to chit chat than play so I started playing with younger kids because we had more things in common. I also think the reason why kids were my friend was because I came out of special ed so they thought they had to be. Maybe they didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me to go away because I keep following them. I can remember being told by a few girls "don't follow me" when all I wanted was be their friend. Only two of them became my friend or maybe they were just acquaintances. I thought I had friends in high school but mom told me they were just acquaintances.

Now as an adult I hardly have any. I only have online ones. I haven't had a friend my own age since I was 14. I did tried befriending my 16 year old neighbor when I was 17 but something happened and she ended up living with her dad full time. I can't seem to make any friends and I tried in high school but couldn't. I think it was because we didn't have things in common or they just didn't want me.

I have had some pretty harsh, cruel, and detrimental experiences with girls my age. Most of them only cared about celebrity gossip and weren't naive like me (I was also the resident weirdo of my private and public schools), so they pretty much abandoned me. My first true friend (that was female) ended up moving, and I don't know if she's even alive because of her ITP and possible leukemia! I do have a friend, but I can't really connect with her, as some of her struggles seem a bit harder to overcome. My real friend (who was an awesome male nerd otaku who plays video games and listens to rock music) was mainstreamed into eighth grade, so now, I'm lonely, and I don't really know how to make female friends.

When I tried to make friends with this girl at my grandma's church in sixth grade, I had to lie about me liking the Jonas Brothers, and a few weeks later, she was more interested in my sister. My only real female friend is my sister, to tell you the truth.

At my first elementary school we were all pretty tight (though I was the only girl who was friends with the boys, probably because I was always inside at recess with them, writing lines for talking during class), but then when I moved to a big city in Grade 5 I was the "weird" new girl. By Grade 6 I realized how completely absurd the concept of "weird" was, and decided to embrace it flamboyantly. Around that time the popular girl in the class decided to befriend me so I would help her with her schoolwork (I played hardball, making her actually hang out with me at recess), and we actually ended up becoming real friends. Looking back I realize that my best friend was always the most popular girl in the class or school, even if most other people thought I was a freak.

Other than that I have always been WAY more comfortable with guys (I have three brothers, no sisters); most of my close friends are guys. I am always super wary when one of my (guy) friends tells me I should meet some female friend of his, that I would really like her. But fortunately they are almost always right, and most of my female friends are women who were introduced to me by my male friends. I have been really lucky in being able to find a good number of intelligent, intellectual, non-conformist, non-superficial female friends, though I tend to have only one or two at a time who actually live in the same city as me... I have moved a lot, and so have my friends. But I have found that I form friendships that last: When I see a friend after years away, we have no trouble stepping right back into our friendship. I have no time or patience for a relationship that needs to be maintained, so I don't end up being friends with that kind of person.

For the most part I tend to ignore stereotypical females, and they ignore me. Fortunately I work as a copyeditor/proofreader in the publishing industry, and we are expected to be freaks (no normal person can do that job well). Also publishing tends to attract a fair number of eccentrics in general.

I never had the motherly type of friend at any stage. In fact I'd be more likely to be the one hanging around with the younger kids or with the adults. Mainly it was because most teen girls I came across at school were obsessed with social scheming or fashion or celebrity. I was far too weird, having no interest in any of these things, for anyone to take on.

The closest I had to someone like that was a girl a year older than me, who my mum used to childmind along with her brother. We got on well until about age 12, because she was the typical extrovert, so we sort of complemented one another. I did model myself on a few things from her, like what clothes looked good together, but she never really gave me advice; it was more a case of me analysing the things she did so effortlessly well and trying to mimic them.

Then she got into the whole high school social scene and started drinking and all kinds of dangerous stuff because the other "cool kids" were doing it, and that was pretty much the end of that. I didn't want anything to do with it, and I was just left behind. By that point she was old enough not to need after-school supervision and we never really saw one another again.

I was going to write that it wasn't so in my experience because I tend to be aloof, and who would feel like mothering someone who was standoffish. On reflection, however, the few friends I have had have either taken me up as a cause - new girl, victimized girl, excluded girl - or as an accessory. The ''cause'' friendship lasts longer and tends to linger because the girls mean to be kind, and the ''accessory'' girls (who like me for being different) disappear quite suddenly.

I don't want to be mothered, but it does suit me if the person I'm with understands that I might need to escape certain environments or be unable to function now and again. And in return I will look after them. I don't expect a vigorous, busy socialite to be prepard to slow down for me, so I suppose if someone comes to my aid I know they will be prepared to make allowances for me. I noticed I did the reciprocal needy friends thing, but I thought it was because if they were needy then they'd be more likely to accept me. Now I see the advantage in it for me.

Not that I feel needy - I don't. I feel downright arrogant, on a good day. And I wonder what friends are for, sometimes. There have been so few people I've really wanted to spend time with because I felt great in their company. I'm probably saying this because I don't have a friend at the moment, except sort of, for a purpose.

Oh, and by the way, I love you all, for your descriptions of your school and social experiences which are the same as my own, and make me not alone. Still going through identity adjustment after Dx, and putting pieces together, and while there are many good things, that aspect - the social one - is a real bummer sometimes. It feels better to share it, I suppose. Thanks.

Yes "taken under the wing" is exactly how I would describe my primary school years.

Then, in high school, I made friends of a couple of girls and a lot of boys. Oddly enough, though, they were all one year younger than I was and in a lower year level. Looking back, I now realise that I was actually leading them astray.

When I became a mum, I became a loner by choice except that I had one confidant. She was eight years older than I was and brutally honest with me. I found her candor to be something I treasured in our friendship. She allowed me to say exactly what I needed to say without getting over sensitive. It's the only way I can continue a friendship. Other than that, I just enjoyed being with my kids and couldn't parent the way most people did...I still don't.

Now I have three best mates and spend a lot of time with them. They range in personality/character and I sometimes become very frustrated with their over sensitive nature...but each one has enriched my life in one way or another and I must remember that they too have to put up with me and my weird & wonderful ways.

I still enjoy spending time with my kids more than spending time with anyone else in the whole world...except being by myself which is bliss!

Wow, that's not true for me at all. When I was in elementary school, I had one friend, and it was basically mutual. I don't think one of us was the "protective" or "motherly" one. I never had more than 3 friends until college. In terms of number of friends, that was my peak so far.

I was pretty friendly with all the popular girls in elementary school, probably because I had two older sisters. I probably would have given off the flambuoyant, gay friend vibe to a certain degree. From my niece, I've found girls that age now are into pop culture and all kinds of stuff now they weren't then. Maybe parents now are less selective about what type of media their kids are exposed to. I don't know. That changed in high school for some reason though. i think my autistic traits were brought on by a traumatic experience I had. So, I might not really have autism, but I have autistic like traits. I think i was always kind of autistic though. I was very artistic, and would always build dioramas in mys pare time out of paper, paint, colored pencils, boxes, old plastic containers for windows, etc etc. I'd even build rooms and attics and furnature. I was really an obsessive, fixated art freak early on. I'm not sure. The first time I was really outcasted was when I was on a little league baseball team. This one kid found me annoying, and maybe I was, but he was a little jerk. He'd grab my hat and stomp on it, and like punch me in the stomach. A lot of the other kids were cool with me, so I don't really know if it was out casting or not. I was bigger and older than him, but I wasn't a violent person. I just kind of took it, but perhaps I should have grabbed his head and gave him some noogies and super wedgies. I could have if I wanted. For the most part, people were pretty nice to me though. Maybe they just weren't as bad as some of these other experiences because of small town values or some sort of BS like that. I don't know.

In my grade-school years, my female friends were all bossy or motherly. Middle and high-school, was a little easier because i could choose my classes and therefore be around more people that liked the same things i did (art,science,math). I have NEVER been a part of a gaggle of girls/women precisely for the group-clucking that they do. It can be entertaining to listen to as an outsider, but frustrating if i try to participate. I usually blurt out something completely off-topic that just solicits a polite "oh really?"

People that i consider friends are the ones i dont' see much of and don't mind me being anti-social most of the time. They like seeing me once every couple of months and that is fine by me!! My husband is a bit more social than i am, so I get some practice hanging out with his friends without a lot of extra pressure to perform.

I still do lose friends. Usually when they expect way more of me than I can give. But then I make new aquaintances that won't figure me out for a few months. And the cycle continues... C'est la vie

In elementary, I had a few female friends, and in high school too, although it seemed they only wanted to hang out once in a while in school. One made the effort to come to my house once in a while.
In college, I had one good male friend who I still talk to and hang out with. He is a good friend and has been there for me through good and bad. He is from El SalvadorI also have a good female friend who I met through him. She is also from El Salvador.All of my good friends are all from El Salvador.

No.