crazy NT is trying to be my friend

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well dude if this is how you feel then avoid her avoid her calls..make escuses when she does get you on th ephone, amke esxcuses when she is in town..i know it is an unaspeui thing to do to lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation but just lie to the beatch man,,,,geez these people annoy me too.
they suck your life away she has spotted a "weakness" in you and is trying to convert you i hate these types...hate them just they make me cross and i can really feel you anxiety..woah i need a break now i m so worked up.

That IS the problem. I feel forced to lie to her. And I NEVER lie. I despise liars.

Somehow I have allowed myself to be drawn into her world of lies. She lies about the depth of our friendship that doesn't even exist, lies about religion, because she only uses her religion to dominate other people, and lies about her stupid friggin aloe vera skincare creams. And somehow I have been drawn into this lifestyle based on lies. I now feel forced to lie that this friendship, her socalled religion, and her skincare cream have value when they do not have the value that she claims. In fact, she is a horrible person and her kids are horrible to other kids.

Maybe I'll just blurt it all out when she calls again. That is my other tactic for dealing with these types. I lie and feel very uncomfortable or I blurt out everything I am thinking and then everyone is shocked and people think I'm an a**hole.

You don't have to lie, and you don't have to say everything you are thinking.

You can just say, "I'm sorry, but I don't think we have anything in common, and I would rather not pursue a friendship with you."

Yes, you can. I've done it. It's do-able.

Nor do you have to argue. You can just keep repeating the above sentence. I find repetition to be a valuable tool in dealing with the argumentative. When they realize they're going to get the same response no matter what they say, they either respond to what you have said or they go away.

Yeah I understand you picking the hide option. When I was about 12 I
made this road block in front of my house. I ran this wire across the road.
This man drove into it. The wire was on his car. He knocked on my door
but I hid. He then walk to a nearby store and called the cops. While he
was gone I took down the wire and hid in the house. The cops then came and
banged on my door. I never came to the door. It works!

dude, do the aspie thing and rehearse what to say before you confron ther, i blurt too, but oonly when i have not learned a pre-rehearsed response...this is why aspies go on and on anon about out favourite topics as we have rehearsed responses for them and in lieu of a rehearsed response when feeling "forced" to respond by this woman, you blurt....yip we all do it...so then have a prepared response and read it to her when she rings next, like the juliekitty said...you can rehaerse a "subdued respnse" and givce it to her next time she calls.......aloe vera?
i am so cross cause i ahve been in eaxactly the sam esituation....i had to leave this rented house because my landlord was this bad, i didnt even say good bye, i just left.
please lemme know hoe you go.

My partner and I are not whimps. We have both been in the newspapers, we've both run for governmental office with fringe parties, we've both done rallies, and we've both done protest actions for issues that we believed in. My children's school counsellor calls me, "momma tiger" because I am very effective at ensuring that my children are treated well in the school system.

I can deal with institutions, I can deal with systems.

Right now we're working on a constitutional battle to try to decrease the monitoring and restrictions that our provincial government imposes on disabled peoples lives. Our phone rings constantly over this issue.

And yet, when it comes to dealing with this woman in a personal relationship or abuse that hits me on a very personal level I feel so overwhelmed.

But I am going to try to tell her that I do not want to pursue a friendship because we have nothing in common. I am also going to try to tell her why our friendship failed.

I'm going to try.

ok you dont seem to need spoon feeeding, im trying to be empathetic...crazy huh?
i can empathise with other aspies..good luck dude an dlemme know how it goes?

I do think you've been wonderfully empathic. I'm grateful for all the people who posted here. I just wanted to make the point that I'm not a whimp. The paradox is that I can stand up for myself against all sorts of systemic abuse, but these very personal conflicts, the ones where I have to deal with people's "feelings" are what get to me.

I'll let you know how my "confrontation" goes. And I will take your advice to rehears a bit before it happens.

Who knows, maybe something good I can't even foresee will come out of it.

Your friendship didn't fail. She was never your friend. You were a pet project to her.

But yes - tell her that you don't like being her pet project and you don't want anything to do with her again.

It may help to move the meeting to a public place (it does for me) so you're both on "neutral ground". That way, you can get up and leave when you're done.

Good luck with it!

yes i am empathetic with ASPIES ONLY.. crazy huh, and i have been told i am one of the only ones who can be so empathetic..but i cant be empathetic with nt's
just cant.
aloe vera?

If all the above ideas don't get the point across to her, would you consider sending her a letter itemizing all the things she does that you object to, along with a "cease and desist" request?
Lawyers are expensive, but you could imply that if she continues to bother you that you will begin legal proceedings for harassment, and maybe she will be coward enough to leave you alone.
You may want to retain a copy of the letter yourself.
I hope she stops bothering you, she sounds like a real pain.

Thanks Lae, I have confronted her before on a couple of things when she lived in my area. Once she started to cry. She's the mom who threw the birthday party for her daughter, invited my daughter, and then neglected to have any party favors or special decorated juice cup for my daughter, like the other kids. I posted that in another thread long ago about NT birthday parties. As I remember, after I confronted her during the birthday party, she went to her bedroom and started to cry, drove my daughter and I home, and cried all the way while apologizing. This is a difficult case because she appears to be stupid, yet sensitive to criticism. I don't think a cease and desist letter is called for, but I DO have to tell her I don't want to be friends.

Since she moved to the other province all I've had to put with is two phonecalls a year, and I have neglected to have myself removed from her mailing list, which I should have done. She sends these emails out on a mailing list where she posts "cute" pictures, stupid jokes, chain letters and completely uninformed and racist reports on how our government spends too much money on refugees. I send back emails to the list to inform her about the reality of refugees and other low income immigrants. I never hear a response to my emails. I somehow assumed I would never have to "visit" with her again.

I have to deal with this one on one.

I am mulling over what I will say to her when she calls this Saturday. I'm going to be honest with her, but I will try not to be brutal with her goddamned "feeelllliings".

I do remember that post about the birthday party, and I remember thinking it sounded like she had passive aggressive issues. Interesting that you have mentioned her children do passive aggressive things. I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like she is a big-time manipulater. I have seen people like that put on a big show of crying and carrying on when they get called on it.

From the things you say, I think you have a good handle on this person and won't let her get away with too much, and that you have excellent judgement in looking out for your kids as well.

Good luck with the she-beast, .

anandamide

Maybe this person admires you for your public actions, protest rallies blah blah, and she wants to be friends because of this.

Don't give her any reason for not wanting to be friends because this just gives her an opportunity to argue you out of your reason. Broken record like repetition works best.

The other thing that might help you is an answering machine. They're pretty cheap these days. You can leave a message to the effect that you are screening all calls so you don't have to talk to telemarketers (you don't want to talk to them do you?), and please leave a message. And if you want to talk to the person, when you hear them, you can pick up the phone and talk to them. If you don't want to talk to the person, you sit there and listen to them leave a message, and then do what you want with the message. You don't have to call back just because they ask you to.

You can work out a code with any of your friends or family that don't like talking to an answering machine. My brother leaves me messages like "smee, call" and that's all he says.

That's a great point. She IS manipulative and if I have a conversation with her about it then that will just give her more opportunity to manipulate me. Besides, she lent me those religous videos about five years ago. She has a car, I don't. At anytime she could have come and got those videos before she moved away. I'm not obligated to store her videos for five years. It's unreasonable. So I'm not guilty of any wrongdoing if I fail to return the videos. Given these factors I am not morally obligated to see or speak to her if I don't want to.

Back to plan B, I will hide out and pretend I am not home.

Good idea. I don't have the cash to buy an answering machine this weekend, but I do have the option of not answering the phone. I'll just press *69 to see who it was that has called me if necessary. Then I'll go and buy an answering machine in a week or so when I have the money.

Lots of people use their answering machines this way, don't they?

It's not that I am afraid of confronting her. It's that I can't see how any interaction at all with her could ever result in a positive end.