I can't talk to people my age
curlyfry
Veteran
Joined: 13 Jun 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,502
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955
Just when I think I'm maybe not aspie someone posts something that rings true. I remember knowing I couldn't relate to peers as soon as starting school. Realizing it late sucks. I could have avoided so much grief thinking I just had to do what they did and that it would feel the same way. When in fact, it always felt awkward.
Hey me too, I find it easier to talk to people I'll only see once.
It's always been that way- not knowing how to talk to peers. I had a phase a few years long where I was mock disapproving at everything they did and kept saying 'really!' like the Queen or something, I have no idea why I did that, but in any confusing situation, out it would crawl. Maybe some sort of verbal stimming, I don't know. But I'd always come out with weird things to say, or offensive things (god! how offended 9 year old girls can get!) and I started being funnier as I got older, as in juvenile humour, which was more original than learnt (toned down versions of my usual 'observations'). Then secondary school just stamped all that out and I started shaking if I had to speak to someone who wasn't 'safe', usually someone my age. At my parties I'd often talk to the adults rather than play with the kids. But I did my fair share of rushing around playing hide and catch too...no rules, no talking!
I'm 28 years old now, and it's starting to get better in this respect. I always thought that I was more mature than most of my classmates. However, sport clubs and some really close friends sort of saved me from real social trouble. I was also attracted to elder woman (a few years, not a few decades older!! !) both as a teenager and now. My fiancée is three years older than me, but she doesn't look her age, so people don't even realize
After having reached the age of 25, differences in age get more blurred, thus it seems easier to communicate with anybody because you both feel young and old.
And I have also 'learned' some years ago to engage in small talk, which helps a lot. Don't know how I managed that, but it works now. Talking of anything is fine, as long as it is within the boundaries of being socially acceptable.
So I guess 'waiting out' as somebody else put in in this forum is one way of seeing things while being a teenager.
The hard part in being an aspie teenager is accepting that you are different, but not weird. Having been diagnosed as an aspie early on would have greatly helped me in this respect. I always felt that I was different, but couldn't explain it, thus I just felt weird. I only learnt at the age of 27 that I was an aspie and continue to have aspie traits.
I have been like that my whole life; I don't even think of age when talking to people anymore.
Last week a guy about 15 years younger than me was shocked when I told him I turn 43 in May; he said "Wow.. I thought you were my age".
My wife is always scolding me because I treat kids like adults. THEY seem to like it so I'm not that concerned about it. Though at times it is funny when my wife says.. "Honey.. she's three! She doesn't care about the geology of that rock...". She was listening intently while I explained that the quartz rock was a crystal like the salt she puts on her food and was impressed that she could see light through it.
In my defense I think my niece has Aspergers too. She knows all her ABCs, speaks in complete sentences often with pretty big words, and exhibits an understanding of the world far exceeding her age.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
In my defense I think my niece has Aspergers too. She knows all her ABCs, speaks in complete sentences often with pretty big words, and exhibits an understanding of the world far exceeding her age.
There is nothing wrong with talking to your niece the way that you did. Even if she was not on the spectrum, she was flattered by your attention, and challenged to expand her vocabulary. I do the same thing, and am considered very weird.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
I am exactly the same.
I have always disliked talking with people my own age. I love talking with older people, as of late it has generally been around the 28+ range. I also enjoy talking with younger people, but haven't been doing so much any more as no expose to them. But I enjoy it, as they are like me, and I can act like myself (childish at times) and they don't judge.
Not talking with my peers doesn't bother me, it's just how it is.
A slight problem i seem to face is I look so young, older people/people my age don't like talking to me as they think I'm 16 or so (I'm turning 21).
I'm 16 and I can't talk to people my age either. I find when I talked to them, my voice gets really quiet and get kind of nervous. I feel like I don't know what to say to them. I also feel as I have to be more careful not to say or do something I regret later around them. I didn't have this problem in elementary school or the first two years of middle school. It only began in Grade 8. (I knew very few people in my grade 8 class and people kind of forgot about me). I have trouble with younger people, but I don't have much exposer to them, so I don't really know. My peers are nice to me for the most part, and don't don't mind being acquaintances with me or working with me on a school project, but they probably don't want to friends with me. I'm interested in different things than they are. All my true friends are adults.
_________________
-Allie
Canadian, young adult, student demisexual-heteroromantic, cisgender female, autistic
i know this topic is incredibly old, but i just wanted to say that this is EXACTLY how i've always felt. i had such crappy interactions with people my own age recently (school started up again so I'm sort of forced to be social / interact with peers more) that i actually searched for "i don't get along with people"& somehow ended up here. i don't have aspergers (i think? jeez a lot of this seems to describe me a ton) or any neuro dxs but reading this website has helped me feel a ton better. it's nice to know im not the only one who can't seem to act normal socially or get along easily with people my own age.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,227
Location: the island of defective toy santas
hiya jinxed830
welcome to the club
when i was a junior high school student, i would engage in mature conversations with the substitute teachers, which would make the kids on either side of me act like i was making out with him or her. i had nothing in common with my so-called peers in class.
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