You have NT friends but they never invite you to places

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Thats probably harder in college than it is for me but I have some really good friends who I can speak to every night on skype while we play video games and stuff, but then it turns out they've all gone to a concert and party and haven't told me a thing about it. It's not the best thing in the world..

I got used to it with time. In high school that would make me crazy upset if my classmates didn't invite me to parties, now I'm in grad school and I don't care. Some parties I enjoy, some I don't, so truthfully I usually don't miss much - but I'd rather say "no, thanks" than not being invited at all on the grounds that I wouldn't like it.

One issue that I can't handle is that to some parties there are no real "invitations", but people simply know about them and show up. Sometimes it happens to me that people I know are throwing a party and many people are going but I nobody has talked to me about it so I don't know whether to start talking about it myself (things could become very awkward) or just pass. It is extremely confusing and I usually end up being paranoid. It happened a couple of times that people had actually to make room for me because I thought I could show up but it wasn't the case, and that was extremely embarassing.

Now Facebook has become the standard for organizing events so usually it's written if one can bring guests/invite other people/it's an open party/whatever. I love how Facebook makes invitations so clear and streamlined.

I'm having the same problem here and I actually ditched most of them because of that. I couldn't stand the humiliation anymore.

Yeah...I usually find out about them afterwards when I get asked "Why didn't you come to (whatever)?" and then I'm left struggling to find a polite way to say "Because I didn't know about it/wasn't invited".

Over the past few months, people I work with (who I thought I was on good terms with) have organised a lot of things and invited pretty much all of the "younger" people in the office apart from me. I've only found out about it afterwards (like in my first sentence) or from the older people I work with who've asked me if I'm going.

Recently though, a girl on my team has started inviting me, even when everyone else is just making cryptic comments so I don't hear about it. She's pretty awesome.

I've mostly gotten this from my siblings, but I'm not sure that it's anything I'm doing "wrong" - it seems to be a habit to assume that I wouldn't be able to do something because I have to work, and people don't always bother to confirm otherwise.

Sometimes it helps to take initiative and invite people out yourself...but try to build your place into a group by starting with one person. One-on-one relationships are generally easier, as you are getting to know one person at a time rather than a bunch.

It helps to know who the person is that you are closest to in a group...the one who pays the most attention to you, is the first to say hi to you, and who plays you compliments. Ask what they are doing over the weekend...if they aren't up to much, you can always suggest something, like going to a movie or out to eat.

It takes a bit of courage, but when I find that I take initiative, it pays off in that I get invited out in return...and if not...well, I may not be a fit for that particular group. I have met and mingled with many social groups through spending time with one person initially. It allows the other members of the group to trust you by seeing you have built a relationship with one of their kind. It also leads into friendships with the other members so that there's a chance you'll be invited out more often.

I had this too. The friends I had in school seemed like they were just schoolfriends, not ''out-of-school friends too'' friends. Some were so nice to me in school, they liked me for who I was, and didn't tease me or anything.
When I was in primary school, I used to be invited to some birthday parties, but now I was wondering if it was just their parents perhaps making them invite me because some of the other kid's parents knew my mum and so felt sorry for me in a way what kids wouldn't understand. But as I got older I wasn't invited out. I remember being invited to one birthday party when I was 13, it was a disco in a hall, but I think this girl just wanted to invite as many people as she could, and she quite liked me anyway.

But I was never invited out to the shopping centre or the cinema or whatever. Most teenagers I knew got the bus with a pile of friends and took a trip to a shopping centre or somewhere like that and met up with a load more. Not me, though. For my 14th birthday, I invited all my cousins to go and see a film at the cinema. I didn't invite any friends because I knew nobody would want to come. They'd just laugh at me (kids at school did get worse by the age of 14 because they were practically grown-up and so developed social minds of their own and chose their own friends more and began to get cliquey and more immature than ever. But they say kids get worse before they get better).

I feel the same way sometimes. I have 20+ people that I consider as friends but I go from being invited places a lot for a weekend and then I'm not invited anywhere for 4-6 weeks. I wonder sometimes if my friends are just really busy or if they don't want to hang out.

Yes and I got really depressed about it.

These days I really can't be bothered inviting them as I find their company pretty fake. I am not usually bitter but having years of neglect when it came to events (been invited like once to something but on their terms) I just gave up and decided to do my own things with my family instead.

They assume you won't like it even if you mentioned having Autism/Aspergers, but they probably think that you may cramp their style.

I don't really call them NTs though as some of them can be just as awkward to socialise with as well...but they still get invited.

My advice would be to not worry about it too much and make your own plans in case they don't invite you...I usually plan my days these days on the whim when this happens.

I want to point out that people who treat you nicely and occasionally socialize with you, BUT NEVER invite you to get-togethers or any social events are NOT considered to be your friends. They are actually acquaintances. I have had more acquaintances from school and work than I have best friends, and it sucks.

Pretty much, although I am sure the few friends you have would invite you. I have been invited on occassion by people who I think of as friends (at school I hung around with them quite a bit), but they start to not invite you or they start showing their real persona which ends up making you feel like they have changed and not you when things just change where you can't tolerate what they do anymore...aquaintances aren't as bad but since they don't know you, they feel awkward inviting you as you don't know each other.

It does suck, and I wish we could show them that we would indeed like to be invited but alas...

this happens with me too..i lack energy and enthusiasm i mean the others are talking, making fun, laughing whereas im very very quite and i cant understand jokes quickly.
Over the years i have noticed that everywhere i worked or was in college i had one friend. But this one friend would cut off with me once the college was over or once i left that job.
One of my co-worker was close friend of mine and we used to hang together often then she got married infact i encouraged her to get married and once she shifted base i saw lesser and lesser of her infact she called me up once i could hear a child crying in the background when i asked about the child she said its her one year old son.........it was surprising for me she never informed me about birth of her son before.
Similarly none of my past friends hang out with me now they just call once a year and there is one friend who stopped answering my calls......it hurts bitterly
I am alone all the time and because of me now even my hubby is not being invited to functions and parties. His cousins have cut off from him because they dont want me to hang around them....they find me odd and different

Doesnt happen to me now, though when I was in school and university I sometimes felt that they didnt want me around at times.

how could the situation have changed now........i have never noticed any change in my situation even when i was a kid it was same and still now its same.

Well I should have said, that I have had different groups of friends during then, so the mostly NT friends I have now, are more tolerant then my previous friends.

A couple of questions which came to mind as I was reading this thread again:

- Is there a good way to express interest in being included in something without making it sound like you're trying to invite yourself?

- For those of us who cannot drive, how do you bring up transportation issues without coming off as trying to mooch a ride or feeling like you "have" to kiss up to someone who can drive? (both of which I've been made to feel like in the past, so I'm trying to work out how to deal with it better)