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knowbody15
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11 May 2013, 5:02 am

Wilde wrote:
I am not sure if I have friends or not. I mean, I have my drumline friends, because we spend so much time together and have so many inside jokes, but outside of that I have no clue. There are people who I think may be my friends, but I'm not really sure. How can one tell?


Hey dude, you share an intimacy with your drumline friends. Inside jokes show a trust between you guys. When I was 15, I remember my close friends were dudes I could talk to about regular teen issues. Girls, parents, etc. We'd try to get deep. Those were guys I could trust.. And back then, all my weird social things were just seen as cool among me and my semi dork friends. We were weird, and we accepted each other.

Myabe other people I'd say hi to, you were just cool with that person.

Granted, I was likeable enough and funny enough to have a decent amount of friends, but I always was on the outside with the popular clique. And I also always had only a few really close friends. ANd I think the feeling of freedom to be yourself around those close group of dudes you trust, Thats probably a road to true friendship.


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Vectorspace
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11 May 2013, 6:08 am

1401b wrote:
I've found (recently) that if you act like they are friends*, they will too. and vice-versa

The reaction may also be:
"What does this weird guy think that he is?"
Or they may bully you.



Bubbles137
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11 May 2013, 7:52 am

Vectorspace wrote:
1401b wrote:
I've found (recently) that if you act like they are friends*, they will too. and vice-versa

The reaction may also be:
"What does this weird guy think that he is?"
Or they may bully you.


Unfortunately true :( usually they either make fun of you which I never notice till it's too late, patronise you or tell you to stop annoying them.



1401b
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11 May 2013, 3:18 pm

Bubbles137 wrote:
Vectorspace wrote:
1401b wrote:
I've found (recently) that if you act like they are friends*, they will too. and vice-versa

The reaction may also be:
"What does this weird guy think that he is?"
Or they may bully you.


Unfortunately true :( usually they either make fun of you which I never notice till it's too late, patronise you or tell you to stop annoying them.


good grief! friendship is a process, a journey, a dynamic thing (maybe even magic, hehe). you dont start off bosom buddies.
 besides, which is more common - gravel or gold nuggets?
 so don't get all gay the first time you clap eyes on them.
say HI to ppl you move past regularly (as if you don't hate them), tell them you like* their shoes/ shirt/ hat -if it's interesting and you can bring yourself to sorta like it, on them- and then move on to what you were doing.
saying HI, is NOT a date, you don't have to stick around and you definitely don't have to kiss them before you leave.

bullies show themselves quickly in my experience (then go back to step one in the calculation)

sometimes peers patronize because THEY are feeling intimidated, AND are still trying to be nice, BUT not too touchy-feely gay about it, AND want to be your friend and news flash!! !
NTs can be lousy at making friends too!
what if it's not an NT, what if it's another undiag aspie and you push them away cuz they're weird? nice job you.

  -----------------------------------------
*make-a-point to compliment people on anything, there's enough hate, criticism, self-doubt, and fear already in this world.
build them up, strengthen them, make THEM feel good about being THEM!   fight for kindness and generosity.
everyone is scarred and/or wounded.
fight evil/be strong

(do I really have to explain what acting friendly should look like?)


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Cilantro
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11 May 2013, 3:29 pm

Bubbles137 wrote:
Most of my 'friendships' are one-way- if I don't text them, they probably won't text me so I'm not sure if that counts. I really wish people would tell you when you're a friend or not.


I think some people are just frustratingly passive or afraid to intrude, but I definitely relate to this. It kind of woke me up to how I might not be holding up my end of the friendship in a few instances so I'm trying to be more focused on the ones who do reach out to me.



FMX
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11 May 2013, 3:36 pm

Bubbles137 wrote:
I really wish people would tell you when you're a friend or not.


I know what you mean, but it's hard to see how that could work. Unless the other person is very NT they would also be unsure whether you two are friends, so they would be afraid to say it. It would be very awkward for one person to say "you're my friend" and have the other reply "oh... I don't consider you a friend". (Kind of like "I love you!" - "Err... thanks") Oh, and if the other person is very NT they probably assume that you "just know" when you're friends - because they do.



MjrMajorMajor
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11 May 2013, 3:39 pm

1401b wrote:
Bubbles137 wrote:
Vectorspace wrote:
1401b wrote:
I've found (recently) that if you act like they are friends*, they will too. and vice-versa

The reaction may also be:
"What does this weird guy think that he is?"
Or they may bully you.


Unfortunately true :( usually they either make fun of you which I never notice till it's too late, patronise you or tell you to stop annoying them.


good grief! friendship is a process, a journey, a dynamic thing (maybe even magic, hehe). you dont start off bosom buddies.
 besides, which is more common - gravel or gold nuggets?
 so don't get all gay the first time you clap eyes on them.
say HI to ppl you move past regularly (as if you don't hate them), tell them you like* their shoes/ shirt/ hat -if it's interesting and you can bring yourself to sorta like it, on them- and then move on to what you were doing.
saying HI, is NOT a date, you don't have to stick around and you definitely don't have to kiss them before you leave.

bullies show themselves quickly in my experience (then go back to step one in the calculation)

sometimes peers patronize because THEY are feeling intimidated, AND are still trying to be nice, BUT not too touchy-feely gay about it, AND want to be your friend and news flash!! !
NTs can be lousy at making friends too!
what if it's not an NT, what if it's another undiag aspie and you push them away cuz they're weird? nice job you.

  -----------------------------------------
*make-a-point to compliment people on anything, there's enough hate, criticism, self-doubt, and fear already in this world.
build them up, strengthen them, make THEM feel good about being THEM!   fight for kindness and generosity.
everyone is scarred and/or wounded.
fight evil/be strong

(do I really have to explain what acting friendly should look like?)


yes



Bubbles137
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12 May 2013, 12:16 pm

FMX wrote:
Bubbles137 wrote:
I really wish people would tell you when you're a friend or not.


I know what you mean, but it's hard to see how that could work. Unless the other person is very NT they would also be unsure whether you two are friends, so they would be afraid to say it. It would be very awkward for one person to say "you're my friend" and have the other reply "oh... I don't consider you a friend". (Kind of like "I love you!" - "Err... thanks") Oh, and if the other person is very NT they probably assume that you "just know" when you're friends - because they do.


Yes, true. Basically a mind-reading game then! :p



Amberlena
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12 May 2013, 7:18 pm

A friend is someone who accepts you for who you are, likes you no matter what, and will always be there for you when you need them.



WrongWay
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20 May 2013, 9:16 am

Anyone I'm willing to hang out with. The closer ones, we can trust each other more and talk about more personal things.


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