I've alienated so many people

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I could have written the OP myself. Made me feel a bit understood on a very bad night x

I used to wonder what my other family members were talking about with so much interest, wishing I had the courage to go over there and find out. Then I would go over and find out, and they were talking about the most boring and horrible subjects that I couldn't tolerate for more than a few minutes, and I went back to sitting alone in my room, disappointed.
That's my version of the guy looking for pieces of paper on the floor.
Eventually, I learned the concept of categorizing interpersonal communication, and I became able to remember why I wasn't around my family so much, and I became content to close my eyes and think happy thoughts. Even though they seem so joyful and so happy to interact, it's not something I'd ever want to do with them.
Now, I just rush out to them from time to time and interject in the moment that happens when someone barges in on a conversation, and I am on my way out just as quickly. This behavior seems to intrigue people and reduce alienation effects, in my experience. If I were to try to patiently spend time with them, I would only end up become aggravated, and make everyone upset, burning myself out in the process.

Yes, definitely.
When I look back, I can see where I have made my mistakes, and where fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, and, most of all copying people I thought were tough but turned out to be losers has destroyed my personal and professional life. I wish I had had the drugs to regulate my mood, the guidance to teach me about others and myself, and the wisdom to separate the things that I couldn't help from the things I could. Most of all, I wish I had had a stronger sense of identity and self-worth.

I've alienated some people, and I've tried to learn something from every situation.

I have alienated people and I have also lost some really good friendships because of something stupid that I did that I thought and perhaps still think was the right thing to do. It's rough!