Why is it hard for us to make eye contact?

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We're the offspring of Satan.

I've tended to focus on the bridge of the nose. You avoid direct eye contact but they are none the wiser - anyone that gets close enough to notice is almost certainly intimate anyway

I have a question about the eye contact issue. The Wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome) says, in part:

One of the AS symptoms is identified:What I see most of us subjectively reporting here is that eye contact overwhelms us. That is to say, we are not blind to the message conveyed through the eyes. Rather, we get some message that we cannot deal with. The analogy of "mind-blindness" would be trying to see in the dark, whereas it's more like we're trying to see in a room with a million watts of illumination. Isn't that what we're mostly saying?

So are we describing a form of social phobia that is something other than AS? Or is the term "mind-blindness" an inappropriate description of an AS symptom?

Also, as a side note, I can watch a movie and interpret facial expressions and body language with reasonable clarity. Would a true AS person be mystified by drama in the media?

i see eye contact as a challenge to fight. very unconfortable!

Ahh jeeze. Well, atleast I know why I've got a third nipple now.

I prefer really high minded films and comedies. If I'm not thinking about what's going on as far as symbols, metaphors, etc. I just don't really enjoy myself as much. I can totally tell the difference between a Kevin Spacey and a Pauly Shore but I rarely get stuck on bad acting so much as bad dialogue when trying to judge an actor's ability. (really, the only time I really notice an actor's mannerisms is when its exaggerated like Clooney in 'O brother, where art thou?' or Depp in 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas'.

I dunno if it has anything to do with being AS though, can somebody whose been diagnosed chime in here?

me too. it's still a bit of a challenge, but it's more or less like sports: the more you practice is the better you get

Eye-contact according to Wikipedia. This excerpt should give you a hint:
"Eye contact and facial expressions provide important social and emotional information; people, perhaps without consciously doing so, probe each other's eyes and faces for positive or negative mood signs. In some contexts, the meeting of eyes arouses strong emotions."

I've learned enough to force myself to make eye-contact, and extract meaningful information from it. But I still avoid it, and I almost always avoid eye-contact when I am the speaker. I can't focus in the face of social noise. I can look and listen, however.
The only case that I make indiscriminate eye-contact is family, or girlfriends.

For me it boils down to etiquette: "Don't read other people's minds without their permission."

I don't make eye contact because eye contact is challenging someone else for dominance <I think like a cat> I DO make eye contact sometimes, and when I do it makes the other person very uncomfortable

plus I generally have better things to do, while I talk to people I dissasemble the building I'm in in my mind <usually, I mean, I do other stuff too, but that's my favorite>

I'm getting better with eye contact now.

It's still overwhelming, and I find it such a task to use eye contact all the way through a conversation.

I can look straight at people through a full conversations, when being introduced to new people, I find that hard, and also I find eye contact hard with complete strangers.

For me something very interesting happens. I've mentioned it on these forums a few times before and so far, no one else seems to experience it. Most of the time I can't handle eye contact at all with NTs. It's overwhelming, intensely uncomfortable, I can't read anything from it (can't read most NT body language either)... but eye contact happens very naturally with people on the spectrum - I don't even have to think about it, it just happens. Aspies/auties, even add/adhd, other people with similar wiring to mine (and I can read all their nonverbals in their eyes and body language)... It even happens with strangers - even if I don't know anything about their wiring, the eye contact thing still happens. It's the most fascinating phenomenon. Anyone else get that?

Everyone's different, but hearing about Aspies having trouble with eye contact is a new one on me. When I'm not talking, I use eye contact for getting pretty much any message across to someone, and during a conversation I've never had trouble looking at the person I'm speaking to. It wasn't even hard for me when I was around 3 years old and going through my "talking to no one but walls" stage, though it wasn't as necessary then as it is now.

Here's an interesting article from Esquire about how to make eye contact. Look into the pupil.
http://www.esquire.com/features/article ... q%7Cemb%7C

I can't look my therapists in the eyes. Drives 'em nuts.

I make myself make eye contact, but I can tell that it's always a fraction of a second too long, and that makes other people uncomfortable. I have no idea how long the contact should normally be. I wonder if there's a study been done on the average length of eye contact. Would be interesting.

I tend to lip read, as I have auditory integration problems. If more than one person is talking at once, I'm lost.

I have a hard time looking into the eyes of NT's but not with people on the spectrum. When you look into someone's eyes long enough it's like soul gazing. I've only experienced love at first sight with non NT's, it happened twice in my life. I also don't like to look people in the eyes when I sense that they are lying or have a hidden agenda.

I just had an idea! Let me know if this would help anyone:

You will need:

• Mirror
• Someone you trust who is both NT, and willing to help with this experiment. I will denote this person "Person A"
• A modest amount of nerve

I notice that when the person isn't looking back at me, eye-contact isn't at all uncomfortable, and I can read social cues and expressions without the flood of noise that comes with direct eye-contact. Similarly, when people are looking at me, it's easier on my nerves if I don't return their gaze.

So I propose this experiment:
Sit so that you are facing Person A, but have person A look at you only through the mirror while you look directly at their eyes. Person A is still looking at you and reading your eyes, but since the mirror doesn't carry the psychological weight of a human, I think this might be more comfortable.

Begin having a conversation. Ideally one that has emotional salience for Person A so that you can practice reading their eyes without the noise associated with direct contact. As you become more comfortable with the situation, try returning their gaze via the mirror, retreating as needed.

As their expression changes (this is often completely involuntary) ask them what they are feeling and try to learn to match up what they report with their expressions. If you can manage to make sustained eye-contact via the mirror, try direct eye-contact; bypassing the mirror.

Does this sound like it might help anyone? I haven't actually tried this myself. I learned the hard way: Public immersion at bars where everyone is too drunk to care. I'd remain (mostly) sober and carry on conversations with people who wouldn't remember the last thirty-seconds anyway. I wouldn't listen to the content of the conversation, but would instead analyze their eyes. I won't mince words: this is absolutely nerve-wracking at first. But I figure that if the NT crowd can handle it sub-rosa, then I can handle it by trial and error. Eye-contact is still problematic under some conditions (mainly speaking), but at least I can get excellent clues when I am listening.

Thoughts?