clubbing & pubbing alone & getting depressed

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I used to do this all the time.....I was friends with multiple bartenders..(ex boyfriend/bandmates)...long story..I didn't have any friends to hang out with...my social life sorta revolved around making the rounds of a few bars...always alone..on my bike (i don't drive).....there I could interract with a few acuaintances..I would always bring books to read or comix to work on or monkeys to sew..(which would prompt unwanted attention)...it was better than being cooped up in my little hovel...but the drinking did get to be a problem..there were times when it seemed I was in a state of perpetual "meltdown"...Things are alot better now that I don't do that anymore...but my life is alot different now too.

I could so have fun with this....

If you want to hook up with some one that is brought to you by the letters M,G,D E,S,B T,H,C and by the number 151 then all power to you.

Do you like bars and clubs? If you dont, why would you try to go and meet people there? Thats where they hang out and thats where YOU'D be hanging out. As well, if you don't like them, then no matter how many times you go, nothings gonna change.

I despise bars, personally - I've told all my new friends that I dislike them so much I never go. They sometimes still invite me but I always decline - I'd be much happier at someones house or actually DOING something.

As well, dont get down if you cant meet someone at a bar. I've always thought the idea of meeting my dream girl at a bar to be a bit of a farce. If I'm going to meet someone its going to be on some idle Tuesday afternoon or something, not at a bar - no bar ho's for me

I went clibbing last week for the first time in over 2 years It was the fifth time that i had ever done it and to be honest i found the experience quite interesting. While my friends were dancing on the dance floor, I just sat back on my seat and started observing. The behaviour of Nt's is quite intruiging to be honest. I watched them as they danced around under the influence of alcoholand the thing that I kept on thinking was how do they dance. it didn't seem as though there was an obvious pattern that I could make out. It was just random movements that I could not repeat - they forced me to dance and all i could do was try to find a pattern of movents to follow. i guess that the ability to look from the outside is what distinguishes us from them. The distinction becomes more apparent when you are in such a situation i guess

I hate most bars in the U.S.

They're noisy, they're crowded, the goal of most people there seems to be finding someone to go home with that night, or getting belligerently drunk. I'll admit, on occasion I like to do the last bit, but in general I like doing it in the comfort of my home. I've yet to find something like a nice U.K. pub around here, think I got a bit addicted on my trip there over the summer.

I used to go to bars more but I've found I like the crowd at coffee houses more. There is one in my town that has live music. It's a much more mellow sociable crowd.

I know the feeling way to well. I stopped clubbing years ago. But where my social lack bites me in the toosh is when I attend Synagogue. I feel so painfully awkward I stopped going to that to. I go for Holidays, thats it. When I want to get out of the house, I go see a cheap movie. That way I am entertained, I don't feel any pressure to fit it some how, and the only strange looks are the ones I look for when I'm in the lobby and people notice I didn't bring a date.

BUT, I still haven't figured out what to do with all this lonelyness or find a cure for isolation. I can't work and collect disability. But I function well enough to live alone, so I AM ALONE.

I find that the alchohol helps me to cope with the people. To ignore the crowds. It also loosens my inhibitions to the point that I don't always chase those who approach me away. I'm not talking stinking drunk here - just a good buzz.

I have had a look and there are a few English-style pubs in the States. Some of them even have their own microbreweries. I suspect that quite a few of them are horrible, Americanised mutations with a few Union Jacks and pictures of Princess Di on the walls. A bit like 'Irish' theme pubs you see in Lanzarote in the like I would expect. However, should you happen to find one then by all means knock yourself out.

A lot of quieter English pubs are really nice places to visit, especially if they have at least a few cask ales on. I go in my own local several times a week and there is no trouble because the landlord and regulars know each other and see each other often anyway. Most of the people who go in there live on the local estate or the streets around it. They all know I have my problems but they don't let it affect their treatment of me except where necessary (like crossing a busy road to get home, for example). I regularly go on specialist ale trips every three weeks or so and it's great fun - particularly the trips run by my local!

Many of the noisier and more aggressive pubs and bars are a bit of a nightmare to be in. Usually the beer isn't as much cop and often it's just a load of loud young men getting pissed on cheap lager. That's not for me thanks. Give me a quiet pub with some nice ale on at a reasonable price with the option of some good food and I should be able to keep myself occupied for two or three hours at least. Possibly more if there's something there that's keeping me and I can hold my ale.

Tomorrow-evening, i'm going out with some friends to a local club.
But i'm really getting wound up on the dancing part..
Dancing is essential in a club and while i really want to go, i don't know how to dance properly for s**t.

Anybody got any tips?

Why would you jump directly into the club scene? If I were asked to design an environment guaranteed to freak ASers right the hell out it would look exactly like a club. Yes, clubs ARE intimidating, that's why even NTs don't usually go alone. It seems that you are trying to run before you can walk or even crawl. Would a book club or local gaming group (opr whatever geeky thing you're into) be more your speed?

I go to clubs alone to dance and get drinks, but there are a few things to keep in mind if you want to make it enjoyable.

First thing - don't get drunk under any circumstances. Not only is it dangerous if you're going to be driving yourslf home later, but you could end up making a fool out of yourself or getting taken advantage of by a stranger. I like having something to drink, but I usually limit it to wine and even then, I never have more than 2 glasses.

2nd thing - Don't have any expectations of making friends or romantic partners. If you go out to a bar or club alone, do it because you want to. I go out to clubs because I like to dance, but I certainly don't expect to make any friends there. I go out to bars if I like the bands that are playing, but I don't look for any romantic partners in places like that.

3rd thing - Don't worry about what the people there think of you. Remember that they're all drunk, it's dark inside most of those places, and it's unlikely anyone will recognize or remember you anyway. I used to be too embarassed to dance until I thought about that. It's helped me lose a lot of my fears.

I don't go clubbing like i used to, but still go on occasion. I like to go to dance--- it involves me and I don't need to worry how bad I am at it since everyone is usually drunk and also bad. Also, people can be funny when they're drunk ( can also be annoying--- i avoid those ones) and less inhibited so they will listen to you even if you talk about things they'd never listen to if they were sober.
If I have a bit to drink it makes me feel less conscious about my social skills, and since they're drunk their skills are in the toilet. So it's ok there too since everybody is acting like they know nothing about what to do. But when drinking it's best to make arrangements to get home that don't involve the car, either a designated driver or a cab.
But aside from dancing to the music most of the people themselves have little to offer in general. They either won't remember you or they're as annoying sober as they are drunk.
Maybe the best thing is to concentrate on other things beside clubs--- any hobbies you have? Check out the internet or newspaper to see if there are any special interest groups or things that meet to do those things. Stamp collecting, jogging, birdwatching, etc... people meet for all sorts of things. It's a quieter way to meet people (potential friends) where you don't need to feel odd about showing up alone. I'm planning on joining the Oldsmobile Club so I can be with other people who like Oldsmobiles. I know that at least there I won't feel strange about talking about Oldsmobiles and stuff. The people at these types of clubs EXPECT you to be into your favorite hobbies so to them it won't be considered weird.

Club scene, waste of time. If you go there to fit in, and you DO make friends there, is that what you want to being doing with your life? Going out to clubs every weekend. Spending money on expensive things, in a loud atmosphere, surrounded by way too many people, many of whom will be strangers that are under the influence. You'll not have a good conversation. It will be empty.

Some things, like tour groups, can be useful. People are encouraged to talk with each other, like at a museum or scenic tour, where some of the organization is already planned.

I saw this online, and I thought it would be a good thing for Aspie groups too:
http://www.socialsampler.com/

It wouldn't have to be just Aspies either. It would have many benefits for all kinds of people. It says all ages, so I'm guessing that includes kids. No alcohol served. But there is food of some kind.

Take a look at that. Things that I found appealing from my own perspective was being able to choose an activity that has "built in participants" (no having to come with a friend or group). Where the conversation is structured (no having to worry about what to say).

For instance, the conversation groups have a topic, and there are cards at the table to guide the discussion. So you already know what the topic is when you sit down (no being embarrassed by not being able to follow) and the questions are answered by everyone.

I thought it would be a way to draw myself out to participate, as well as a great way to observe what kinds of questions are most interesting to other people. Those questions can be used by us, in other circumstances.

For the board games and card games, they only last a half hour, and then everyone can change tables and do something different. And anyone can leave at anytime, so if you can't deal with a group for just that half hour, you can excuse yourself. Although, I'm thinking I could possibly handle a half hour with any group.

That organized thing is only once a month. I'm wondering if it could be done in other areas, perhaps on a smaller scale, every weekend. And one can leave the whole thing at any time. If folks wanted to go out for a late dinner after, they could do that too, if you met a group that was to your liking.

It's not a singles thing. People can go there as couples and do things together, like dance, or go off and enjoy separate interests. People could go as a group, so if there was an Aspie group, people could arrange to go to it together.

Many places talk about there being no place for kids or teens or families to go to have fun. This might be an option. For cities and towns, everywhere. It could be organized through the Chamber of Commerce or a Parks and Recreation department. Through youth groups.

I like the idea of being able to socialize without the fumbling.

I totally agree with this. I've always hated getting drunk (for one thing I hated the taste of booze). When ever I asked friends why they drink - they almost always replied with one of two answeres -

1) To relax and unwind
2) Because this is what people do

Both of those points make no sense to me. To make things worse, I tended to get pretty miserable when drunk.

On parties, i always have at least 2 beers so i'm way more relaxed.
I feel my autism isn't that much of a hurdle anymore as i don't overthink things.
Without some alcohol, i can't dance for s**t, with alcohol, i still can't dance but at least i don't care as much.

But i'll ask again, does anyone please have any good tips on how to dance properly in a club?, i'll need it tonight :p